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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not understand MRA

206 replies

ANewAlias · 15/08/2017 08:59

I get that in the past women have had it tougher than men in most cultures.

This isn't the case anymore. Men / boys are facing their own challenges yet the term MRA is an insult. Is it because it's been hi-jacked in a similar way to the flag of St George has? If so, what is an unloaded alternative?

If it isn't hi-jacked, why is it used as an insult?

I'm not trying to goad. I just want a balanced answer which Google hasn't provided and I'm not sure any part of MN would either.

OP posts:
SaucyNoBrainer · 15/08/2017 09:00

Pardon? 🤔

Squarerouteofsquirrel · 15/08/2017 09:02

What've does MRA stand for please ?

x2boys · 15/08/2017 09:02

It might help if you explained what MRA wasConfused

Original poster
ANewAlias · 15/08/2017 09:04

MRA = men's rights activist. The men's version of feminist only that it is used frequently (esp. on MN as an insult).

I don't understand why it's used as an insult when there are clearly issues which do affect men and simply using the term as an insult seems incredibly sexist.

I'd like to know why.

Sorry if I didn't make sense. 🤔

OP posts:
SonicBoomBoom · 15/08/2017 09:04

I get that in the past women have had it tougher than men in most cultures.

This isn't the case anymore.

Oh really. Do tell us about how two men a week are murdered by their partner and what you are doing to help.

Pumperthepumper · 15/08/2017 09:07

You're not trying to goad but you don't think MN will have the answer?

Specifically what challenges for men/boys do you think MRAs are fighting to change?

TwitterQueen1 · 15/08/2017 09:07

The term 'MRA' is frequently used on MN as an insult???

Sorry OP. I've never heard the term before and I'm on here all the time. I have no idea what you're talking about. I would suggest moving this to the Feminism topic?

TwitterQueen1 · 15/08/2017 09:08

And I have no idea what you mean about St George's flag either.....

Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 09:12

Men indeed to face their own challenges.

Usually as a result of the patriarchy. The role the patriarchy assigns them can be very damaging for men. Especially boys and young men.

However, its total bollocks to say women dont have issues with life being tougher anymore.

Also thinking about mens issues isnt a problem. But most of the MRAs i come across want mens issues made a priority. They want womens issues to be put aside to prioritise theirs. They want to secure the patriarchal positions where men come first and women come last.

alltouchedout · 15/08/2017 09:13

If MRA genuinely cared about genuine cases in which boys and men are disadvantaged and discriminated against (off the top of my head I can't think of any but that doesn't mean there are none), and wanted to talk about solving those problems on a way that didn't mean attacking and disadvantaging women, fine. I'd have no problem with them. But the people who call themselves MRA seem infuriated that any progress has been made towards achieving equality for women and keen to blame, denigrate and hurt women. They aren't about rights. They aren't about equality. They aren't about a better society. They're all about hating women.

Theworldisfullofidiots · 15/08/2017 09:14

Actually I think things have deteriorated. I frequently hear young men talking about young women in the most degrading sexism terms. My dd gets Wolf whistled at on her way to school in her school uniform. Men still get paid more than women for similar jobs....men still push women....
Our best hope is to educate young men and women to work to equality.

QueenLaBeefah · 15/08/2017 09:15

Seen as how the term feminist is generally used as an insult in wider society it only seems fair that MRA is too. Equality and all that.

Original poster
ANewAlias · 15/08/2017 09:18

I should have said 'other parts' when I said MN wouldn't give me a straight answer.

I'm not sure that some replies to this thread have been entirely genuine as a really quick google search shows the use of MRA on AIBU and other MN forums. One of the trending topics is using it a lot.

google search

My comparison to the St Georges flag was the way that many now would associate it with the BNP and other unsavoury people. MRA isn't in itself a bad thing but is seen as such by some posters.

SonicBoomBoom

What does this have to do with issues men are facing. Does every female problem need to be solved before men's can be addressed?

You avoided answering the actual question.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 15/08/2017 09:21

I guess MRAs get a bad rep because they do things like come on a majority female forum and state that women have things just fine now and it's time to talk about men's problems.

Underberg · 15/08/2017 09:25

I get that in the past women have had it tougher than men in most cultures. This isn't the case anymore

I think you'll find that's bollocks

StatisticallyChallenged · 15/08/2017 09:25

I think the point was that in many ways women do still have it tougher. Including in facing violence from men.

Many of the issues men specifically face are the flip side of patriarchy - so take the classic mra argument about courts favouring mothers when it comes to custody. They argue that's men being oppressed but i would say it is actually more about the expectations and stereotypes which exist around women and their role as default carer which still pervades society. If it wasn't the default expectation for women then the issue would improve for men too.

TheEgregiousPeach · 15/08/2017 09:27

MRA's remind me of the reaction from certain folk with white privilege to the 'black lives matter' movement.

Viviennemary · 15/08/2017 09:32

I do think some men get a poor deal in divorce and child custody cases. But a lot of women do too especially financially and being messed out by contact arrangements. .But I think it's fair enough men have a group fighting for their rights.

Pumperthepumper · 15/08/2017 09:40

you avoided answering the actual question

What challenges for men/boys are MRAs fighting to change?

BertrandRussell · 15/08/2017 09:41

I am going to assume that you are genuine.

The issue with MRA is that they believe that any issues men face are the direct result of feminism, rather than anything men themselves have done. They also think that feminists should address these issues and they they are being sexist by not doing so.

The particular men's issues that MRA focus on are either a consequence of the same patriarchal system that also causes issues for women. Or are issues which men think women should change their behaviour to fix. For example, some MRA think that it is sexist and unfair of women not to want to have sex with less attractive men.

haba · 15/08/2017 09:41

Well, perhaps if I moved to Charlottesville and set up a White People's equality Society, that would be ok?

Or would that in fact be completely unnecessary, provocative, or insensitive at best?

haba · 15/08/2017 09:43

And, I think you'll find there's only three nations in the world where women have it equal to men, equal, not better.
Everywhere else has a lot of catching up to do.

Original poster
ANewAlias · 15/08/2017 09:44

Women out earn men until child-bearing age and outperform men for most of their academic lives in most subjects.

Mental health is another arena where men need support. Seen suicide stats.

Saying something is the flipside of patriarchy (I appreciate the reply but am uneasy with the sentiment) still doesn't quite explain why MRA is an insult. Perhaps society led by men/boy's great, great, great great ... grandfathers is to blame but this still isn't a reason for MRA to be an insult. The only way to bring 'the patriarchy' into this seems like a Biblical 'for the sins of their fathers' type approach which I'm sure you aren't advocating.

A thread I didn't post on but read 600+ replies with interest was about trans men and women's refuges. Some posters made the fair comment that women fought for them so men can fight for their own. This still seems at odds with the commonly (to my mind, at least) used MRA as an insult.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 15/08/2017 09:44

"MRA isn't in itself a bad thing but is seen as such by some posters."

I think calling oneself a MRA is a serious red flag. You can be aware of the needs of men and boys without allying yourself to a lot of the poisonous attitudes the movement.

BertrandRussell · 15/08/2017 09:50

"Mental health is another arena where men need support. Seen suicide stats"

Yes, men are much less likely to seek help for mental health issues than women. This is often because of a outdated patriarchal view of masculinity. Something where men should really be allying themselves with feminism, rather than blaming feminism.

The suicide stats are shocking. But if you look more closely, women actually atrempt suicide more often than men do. But men choose more effective methods, so are more likely to actually succeed. Suicide is shocking, and we need to find better ways to combat it. But it is not a "men's issue"- it is a society issue. There needs to be more mental health support for everyone