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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman smacked me on the bum at work - AIBU?

220 replies

Milkshakebelly · 14/08/2017 07:31

I work in a well known supermarket and yesterday whilst I was stacking the shelves a regular customer (older lady) came up behind me, smacked me on the bum quite hard and said "hurry up your in my way".

She smacked me quite hard but then laughed when I turned round. I moved out of her way and went out back. I was annoyed by it and mentioned it to the security guard who just said "oh yes she's got dementia coming, she's doesn't know what she's doing half the time"

AIBU to be annoyed that it's been brushed off? I know she probably didn't mean it because of her condition but WWYD??

OP posts:
booloobalooloo · 14/08/2017 07:32

Well what do you want him to do about it? X

LEMtheoriginal · 14/08/2017 07:36

Go to the police -its assault!!

Or recognise that this is someone descending into the living hell that is dementia and get over yoursrlf

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 14/08/2017 07:36

"oh yes she's got dementia coming Qualified in care of the elderly medicine is he?

ohmywhatamisaying · 14/08/2017 07:37

I would take this information, digest it and then get on with my life.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 14/08/2017 07:37

If she does have dementia that could be why she is acting this way.
I work with Dementia patients, I get my bum smacked on a regular basis while walking past people. One woman in particular does it, I know it's not done to annoy/harass/hurt or anything else and just let it go.
Had my arm punch and my face slapped (luckily not too hard) a couple of weeks ago, none done in anger.

BarbaraBitchFace · 14/08/2017 07:38

I can see your point. I would let it go this time but if it happened again be ready to say loudly 'ouch that hurt, do not do that again please'. I would report it to your superior and expect them to deal with it if it happened again.

Original poster
Milkshakebelly · 14/08/2017 07:38

Get over myself?? She's a regular - so you suggest that if she does it again and again I should just put up with it?

OP posts:
ohmywhatamisaying · 14/08/2017 07:41

That's not what she said at all, was it?

ohmywhatamisaying · 14/08/2017 07:42

Either call the police and report her for assault, or ask her to not do it again next time you see her.

TrojanWhore · 14/08/2017 07:42

Are you likely to be obstructing customers that often?

Knowing she has dementia makes al, the diffence here.

She can't help it.

Would you be complaining about other disability/illness related issues amongst the customer base?

Or would you be looking to see what assistance those peop,e need to make a tiny part of their life a little easier?

Unicorniformal1ty · 14/08/2017 07:46

I understand that it was annoying, but if she's a regular can you not move to a different aisle until she's gone?

I have to serve regular customers in a meal queue, and there is one in particular who always complains loudly, he really annoys me so I pop into the back to get supplies just before he reaches me.

Original poster
Milkshakebelly · 14/08/2017 07:47

Trojan - I stack shelves so of course I'm going to be in people's way. Also the disability factor is not the issue here - she smacked my bum hard. I don't want anyone touching me like that

OP posts:
DarklyDreamingDexter · 14/08/2017 07:47

I think you should report the incident to your supervisor so the issue is logged at least. There may be little they can do if she has got dementia but they should keep a record in case things escalate.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 14/08/2017 07:52

Whether she si a sweet old dear of 102 or a strapping 6 foot youth, everyone has the right to feel safe at work, free from assault.

I love the way everyone assumes the security guard has some insight into this customers medical history and is latching on to possible dementia and waving the old disability banner round.

Even medics on dementia wards have a zero tolerance policy and police are called if an assault occurs.

Tell your manager, ask what steps he's putting in place to keep you safe.

Albertschair · 14/08/2017 07:54

then report her to the police.

Not sure what you want the security guard to do.

Personally I'd let it go (and have done so in the past). But that's my choice. I work with unwell people. I was given a black eye by someone with dementia unwell and scared. I didn't see the warning signs. My choice to simply warn others working with him, not to inform police.

You may make a different choice.

I doubt much will happen

Bemusedandpuzzled · 14/08/2017 07:56

I think this plays totally differently if the security guard's statement about her is true (and in local shops, people often know all of the details about one another's lives). Someone with dementia or mental illness really can't help some kinds of behaviours and it's hard to see what on earth management could do to prevent incidents like this from happening. I would get the incident logged properly, and try to avoid this woman in future if you can.

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2017 07:57

Personally I'd also let it go. What do you want to happen. Do you want her banned from the shop or something? Hmm

Neutrogena · 14/08/2017 07:58

If it was a man you'd report it, and that's what you should do here. Report her to management.

Ameliablue · 14/08/2017 07:58

What do you want to happen?

TrojanWhore · 14/08/2017 07:59

"Trojan - I stack shelves so of course I'm going to be in people's way."

Not a given. Good shelf stackers are very awatpre of the space they take up and minimise it effectively. They are also aware of their impact in the customer and seek to assist, not just stay in the way.

It's also very unlikely to will be, week after week obstructing her and unable to move briefly out of the way.

Staff who assist customers tend to be those who get internal recognition (in whatever form that takes from your employer).

As your sympathy for someone ill and unable to help it does not lead you to assist, perhaps self-interest will provoke an improvement in your work-standards.

Reporting someone's with dementia, unfortunately won't make the slightest difference in securing them the help and support they need, unfortunately. I hope the promised expansion in dementia services and social care might materialise, but it's not here yet.

(if OP did nit think the security guard's information relevant, presumably she wouldn't have mentioned it. That's why I believe it, as much as the rest of the info in the post)

CaptWentworth · 14/08/2017 08:00

To everyone telling the OP to get over herself and 'just put up with it' - even if this lady does have dementia (which we don't know because ultimately the security guard has diagnosed her Hmm), that doesn't mean that every other person around her has to accept being assaulted. Talk to management. If it happens again ask her to stop. If she doesn't, phone the police. If the lady does turn out to be unwell, they will be best placed to get her help.

Mxyzptlk · 14/08/2017 08:01

I work with Dementia patients, I get my bum smacked on a regular basis while walking past people.

What care workers can cope with is different from what the general public can cope with.
If the old lady does have dementia which causes her to hit people, she shouldn't be wandering about on her own. She could become a danger to herself, as well as others.

Report it to your dept manager and make sure it is properly logged. Report it again if it happens again.
If it becomes a regular problem, insist your management take some action. It's up to them what action.

beargrass · 14/08/2017 08:01

I'd get it logged. Without knowing if the woman is unwell, the rest is hard to call. It would be really embarrassing, if something like that happened, so I can see why you were upset by it.

Booboobooboo84 · 14/08/2017 08:01

I would report to management so they can talk to the security guard about how they can prevent it happening again.

Dementia a reason for it happening once but it's not an excuse for it to keep happening

TheWartyOne · 14/08/2017 08:02

Even if someone had dementia, doesn't mean it's okay for them to physically assault people. (I say this under the assumption she gave the OP a good old whack rather than a tap).

Going to the police could be an option because if she does have dementia they may be able to get her the help she needs. Or at least contact a family member in case they aren't aware of their condition.

Although I personally would just ignore it.