Woman smacked me on the bum at work - AIBU?

[Milkshakebelly]

I work in a well known supermarket and yesterday whilst I was stacking the shelves a regular customer (older lady) came up behind me, smacked me on the bum quite hard and said "hurry up your in my way".

She smacked me quite hard but then laughed when I turned round. I moved out of her way and went out back. I was annoyed by it and mentioned it to the security guard who just said "oh yes she's got dementia coming, she's doesn't know what she's doing half the time"

AIBU to be annoyed that it's been brushed off? I know she probably didn't mean it because of her condition but WWYD??

That sounds absolutely fair enough OP. Report the incident and the security guard's response to your line manager.

I think you're justifiably pissed off at the security guard for not following procedure and that has somehow because it's AIBU and a fight club got twisted into you being a bitch about dementia sufferers.

We don't know whether the person who assaulted the poster had dementia or some other kind of mental health problem.

But it is not 'compassionate' to do nothing.

Compassion is about acknowledging there is a problem and trying to find solutions.

It is not helpful to an ill person to allow them to assault others, even if their ability to understand and amend their behaviour is limited.

What a bizarre almost hysterical victim blaming thread, the op has been assaulted at work and everyone is giving her grief for asking for advice on what to do to stop it happening again.

It was other posters who suggested police , not the op.

If any of you were at work and struck hard on your buttocks as the op describes, Im pretty sure you would want to minimise it happening again.
Everyone has a right to work without fear of assault.

Even in hospital if someone is assaulted by someone with dementia then they still fill out an incident report and the episode is reviewed to see if anything can be changed to prevent recurrence.

Op there should be a pathway in place for what to do if you are assaulted at work , would suggest speaking to manager.

None of us, inc the security guard even know if the woman has dementia and even if she does, dementia IS a horrible disease but it doesnt mean that if you are going around hitting people in public places that it should just be accepted.

Rona since my dad was diagnosed with dementia I've discovered that lots of people have experience and understanding of the condition. Because, as you say, there are a lot of sufferers out there and they have family and friends and neighbours. It's not lack of understanding that people with dementia and their families suffer from ime, but a lack of good, practical, flexible support and the huge grey area that is "capacity".

Wow, some really strange replies! Of course you're not lacking insight or compassion for wanting to be safe from assault at work - and it is assault. I agree with PP who said to report it to management. Whether or not the woman has dementia is actually irrelevant, but I wouldn't take the security guard's word for it. And if you were standing on a step you could be knocked over and injured by a hard slap. It's very unsafe and needs to be taken seriously.

Nobody deserves to be slapped, prodded even touched without their say so. What about a friendly grope? Or a playful tug of her hair? It's not acceptable. If the lady has problems, she should be helped. But it's scary how many people think badly of the OP because she's got a problem with it.

HCP are regularly assaulted, and that's not acceptable either, but they are trained on how to deal with it and reduce the chances of it happening. I accept that risk as a HCP, but it doesn't mean I have to expect or accept that I will be assaulted.

Calling the police is not 'mean'. Not if you're phoning to express concern about a vulnerable person who may end up in a dangerous situation because they have lost inhibitions.

If the situation here was that the security guard and management reviewed the situation and confirmed she likely has dementia, recorded it and put a plan in place to keep an eye on her in future (inform carers and family if possible) then fine. But the guard saying she 'has dementia coming on'? Doesn't cut it.

But if you think it does, then you're due over on the woman pushed into an oncoming bus path by a jogger thread, as he might have dementia, and that woman should know better than to be in his way!

Rodhull are you suggesting that the OP should phone a GP and tell them that there's an elderly lady with possible cognitive impairment wandering around, but she doesn't know her name or where she lives?

Where does it say she doesn't know her name or where she lives?

Likewise with SS? The police have a duty of care, and regularly deal with situations like this.

"A duty of care" The stock phrase of someone who's had half a days training and think they know it all. I know all too well that the police do indeed regularly deal with situations like this because the general public are too moronic to think of the appropriate agency the first time around. If they see flames, they call the fire brigade. Blood, the ambulance service. For EVERYTHING else they call the police.

I know this from professional experience.

Care to tell me from your extensive professional experience which legislation states police have a responsibility for adult social care?

Nobody is suggesting she should be dragged out in handcuffs.

Now leading her out in handcuffs would be a police matter.

Did you know that 1 in 3 people will suffer with some form of Dementia as we get older?

Dementia affects everyone in different ways making it incredible hard to find a cure or any type of help.

The fact is there are 750,000+ living with dementia in the UK alone.

I think a little understanding and a bit of slack will go along way, one day it may be us, could be our parents before then. Our kids will suffer too.

We can not lock up relatives with dementia, we can not stop people living their lives despite needing assistance and we can't be there 24/7 for every body with dementia. Dementia is a huge reason our care homes are so full and understaffed. Because we are living longer and longer these days.

I get that you are upset OP, but I think really - just let it go. Speak to your boss, report it log it or whatever you have to do. IF it happens again to anyone then different steps can be taken (adult services, being in touch with the families) but really we can not stop them doing it at all and realistically the expectation of being able to tell that lady 'do not hit me, I do not like that' and her a) understanding and b) listening is very very slim.

You shouldn't have to be hit in your work place and it's naff all to do with you working in a supermarket but when it comes down to it, it's you or her and you've more ability to avoid/ignore/report.

Her family could pay you damages? I don't see why not. They should be keeping watch over her if she's going around commiting criminal assaults on strangers.

I would have liked the security guard to have taken it seriously and logged the incident so that if it happens again to me or to a colleague then something can be arranged - either an assistant when shopping or a relative informed
Then go in and see your line manager and tell them this.

Don't have an answer OP, but sympathise with you. DM lives with dementia and as times goes by she get less inhibited about manners and lashing out, with bursts of temper and accusations. She slapped my dog in the face one time.

That's not to say you shouldn't let your management know this has happened, you have a right to work in an environment where you are not assaulted even so.

YANBU

Her family could pay you damages? I don't see why not. They should be keeping watch over her if she's going around commiting criminal assaults on strangers.

Is this serious? Her family should be keeping watch over her?

How is this possible 24/7?

Report to your manager in the first instance as other pps have suggested. If this lady is struggling and her behaviour has changed/continues to change due to dementia it might be worth communicating with social services and asking for their advice/support. She may benefit from this involvement also.

OP. It's all there. It's all self evident from your posts! And lot's of PPs who have experience of dealing with this awful condition have told you how they would respond. I reiterate- with this attitude you should not be in a public facing role. (And please, never ever ever even think about working in health or social care).

I also work in a supermarket- different role.
We are advised to shut down the till and walk away. In your situation l'd let your manager know... then when you see her leave the isle for the duration of her shop in that section.
I've been the victim ( recently) of some really vile verbal abuse from a regular. I now leave the area for my safety.
Unless you've worked in retail / supermarket especially- you'll have no idea about the vulnerability of some of the staff.
I hope it doesn't happen again op

Once more for those of you in the back (or choosing not to listen:

We don't know whether or not she actually has dementia.

What we do know is that the OP was assaulted at work and understandably is not happy about it. Can we focus on the factual part instead of saying the OP is a shitty human with no compassion for people with dementia?

*aile

She probably wasn't thinking about working in health and social care 🙄

That was to Rona btw.

Rodhull I'm a nurse, I work in emergency medical receiving. Among those I care for are people with newly presenting dementia, acute cognitive issues such as delirium, as well as younger patients with psychiatric disorders. The police are part of the wider team of people who care for children and vulnerable adults.

Here is West Yorkshire's safeguarding policy for vulnerable adults- www.westyorkshire.police.uk/sites/default/files/files/policies/safeguarding_vulnerable_adults.pdf

Or maybe she wants to work without being sexually and physically assaulted?

Well I very much doubt it was sexual

Talk about an over reaction. If a parents smacks a kids arse is that sexual too in your view?

Op, tell your supervisor. An old lady smacked your arse and told you to move out the way, you reported it to security who didn't do anything about it. Tell him or her you want the incident logged and to see if anything can be done to prevent it as you feel it was assault.

Unfortunately for those in care homes and some SN schools this is part and parcel of everyday life.
Ok you didn't choose this job. It's worth mentioning it to management, although I don't know why you think that the security guard needs to do it instead of you, but at the end of the day it's an ill lady, you are ok and I think the nice thing to do is just let it go and be grateful you don't have to deal with it on a daily basis in your job.

Some very very bizarre posts here.

As an ex hcp can I inform some here that assaults on staff are taken seriously and logged and in the case of altzimers sufferers can lead to medication change.

My dm has altzimers and can be inappropriate so never shops alone she's too vulnerable

The ops duty is to report this to her manager not the security guard as the lady may go on to more serious assaults on more vulnerable people or children.

Having dementure allows you to sing in public and act in many inappropriate ways but that does not include violent assault.

Smacking a stranger hard on the bottom is violent assault and needs addressing

I have ,cared for family with dementia and know exactly what it entails. I even gave up my career for a while so that I could take care of them. However, hitting, smacking or biting are NOT acceptable behaviour and no-one else should suffer because someone has dementia. The OP has every right to be in work and not be assaulted, No-one is saying the police should be involved but the management of the store should be aware of this woman's behaviour and should take steps to protect their staff. One example might be having a shop assistant help the lady with her shopping etc.