Woman smacked me on the bum at work - AIBU?

[Milkshakebelly]

I work in a well known supermarket and yesterday whilst I was stacking the shelves a regular customer (older lady) came up behind me, smacked me on the bum quite hard and said "hurry up your in my way".

She smacked me quite hard but then laughed when I turned round. I moved out of her way and went out back. I was annoyed by it and mentioned it to the security guard who just said "oh yes she's got dementia coming, she's doesn't know what she's doing half the time"

AIBU to be annoyed that it's been brushed off? I know she probably didn't mean it because of her condition but WWYD??

Have you posted this before? Seems really familiar.

I'm really surprised by the response here. You should report it to your manager. Employers can have vicarious liability in situations like this where they've been warned of troublesome customers. I know dementia is a horrendous condition (both of my grandparents are in specialist care homes due to dementia) but what if next time she really hurts someone? Sorry, but she should be at least warned, if not banned.

I'd report it and get it logged, and any subsequent events. Perhaps if the woman is facing dementia, she needs more support when out shopping. Either the supermarket could offer an escort- don't snigger, one of my local supermarkets does that for those that need assistance- or a local volunteer association might step up. Or a relative.
Whatever the outcome, people have the right not to be abused at work.

Morris it happened yesterday, it's the first time I've posted

I think you are coming across as somewhat lacking in compassion, OP, and a poster above makes a good point about thinking about how you are perceived by your employers.

To call the police would be mean and unhelpful, but there is nothing wrong with reporting it to your manager in the context of your (presumably real) concern for a regular customer who is potentially struggling and known to staff to be struggling (based on what the security guard said about her). Just ask them to log that she struck you while you were carrying out your duties, and you are concerned for her well being and her care, and ask for advice should something like this ever happen again. Put the ball in their court slightly for having something in place to safeguard staff.

Apart from anything else, you shouldn't need to be on Mumsnet asking for advice on this. It should be in your employee handbook - I can imagine all sorts of situations where shop staff could be unmaliciously hurt by children, people with disabilities or mental illness (i.e. in this case, possible dementia) etc. and need to respond appropriately while still feeling safe at work. If this isn't in your handbook, flagging it up with management should make them address that.

Of course the op shouldn't be assaulted like this regardless of the lady has dementure or not.

I was punched in the face as a young nurse by a dementure patient and the incident was logged and taken seriously.

The op works in a shop and has the absolute right not to be assaulted in any way by anyone regardless of the reason.

My dm has vascular altzimers and it's a bitch so she's escorted to shops etc. You can't just allow people to hurt other people and expect them to suck it up

The security guard might think the behaviour is funny but it really isn't and should be dealt with properly.

It's not a joke for either party. The old lady may well hit the 'wrong' person next time and needs safeguarding herself as well as the one she hits

there's a subsection of people on MN that don't like retail staff

Not in my experience, you don't want to complain about any retail or teaching experience here

Or maybe she wants to work without being sexually and physically assaulted?

Get a grip. She was smacked on the bum by an elderly lady with dementia.

(My post) Have some compassion FGS. Dementia is awful, she's the one loving with it, not you

Based on a random security guard's opinion and being assaulted still doesn't come as a given. Compassion? Where's yours?!

She wasn't 'assaulted' FFS, she was smacked on the bum by an elderly lady with dementia. Stop catastrophising. Yes, a security guard - and? People in jobs like that usually know the local people & what's going on. My compassion is with an elderly lady with dementia. Right where it should be. Yes it wasn't pleasant for the OP but it's a slap on the backside, she'll cope, unlike the other poor woman.

(My post) You should be aware of the customers around you and move out of their way anyway, so next time just move before she gets to you

Or they're entitled to hit you? Fuck me

Yes, that's exactly what I said. Any customer at all can hit you if you're in their way. . Making statements like that, when it's not what I said, just makes you look stupid. One day, when you've had to cope with a loved one with dementia, you might find you actually have some compassion, hell, most people who haven't been through that can usually imagine how awful it is to have dementia and can be compassionate.

As someone who has a relative with dementia, I would want to know if they behaved in this way. It would signify a deterioration in their condition and a sign that they needed more support - e.g. to be accompanied when they went shopping.

It is not lacking in compassion to report this behaviour. Other staff might also get hit and the store manager needs to be aware of all customers who may exhibit anti-social behaviour. Other useful contacts might be a Union Rep. You might also get more informed feedback on the Talking Point forum, if you sign up there.

forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forum.php

Hi Milkshakebelly, of course you don't have to put up with this, but it needs addressing gently, if the poor lady is in the wicked claws of Dementia. Speak to your Supervisor today, tell her how it made you feel, and if it happens again, or similar, she can deal with it for you.

I'd definitely tell my supervisor, even if it's just that other colleagues would know.
You should feel safe at work.

astounded I'm not lacking in compassion, if she has got dementia then I fully sympathise hence why I won't be calling the police etc.

The security guard is one that is hired by an outside company, he doesn't live in our area and works in several different stores throughout the week. So I'm not sure that he does know for certain, or is just making an assumption.

The AIBU was to ask WWYD. From the responses I see that a lot would leave it and others would report it to the manager in case it happened again. I also see that a lot think it's ok to be assaulted at work.

What would you like to have happened/or to happen going forward?

The care home I worked in staff were often assaulted, rarely was anything done. AND it was a council run home!!

Honestly can't believe what I'm reading. OP was touched inappropriately and wasn't happy about it, and you're all saying it's acceptable because the old lady has dementia? She probably won't do it again, but it doesn't make this instance ok. I know dementia is horrible, but her having it doesn't invalidate the OPs feelings.

Are free passes to behave inappropriately without offence dished out for all horrible illnesses/diseases or is it just dementia? It's like saying someone with MS can twat you with a walking stick on their way past if you're in their way but it's ok because they're living with a horrible condition so how dare you complain.

I'm also inclined to ask how the hell the security guard even knows she has dementia- is this factual or is he making an assumption based on her previous behaviour or habits?

I can honestly say I have never had a shelf stacker in the way !

I would have liked the security guard to have taken it seriously and logged the incident so that if it happens again to me or to a colleague then something can be arranged - either an assistant when shopping or a relative informed

OP log it as an incident with your supervisor. Nobody should be smacked at work stacking shelves.

And fwiw the security guard said "she's got dementia coming" wtaf does that even mean? She is 'old' there she must be due dementia any day soon?

Maybe if he knows she goes around hitting people he should be watching her?

All this victim blaming " you should have got out the way" etc. If someone comes up behind you and hits you before you have a chance it's not your fault.

Maybe she does have dementia it doesn't mean she has carte blanche to go around hitting people. Maybe an assistant could go around with her in future to avoid this happening again to support her and prevent the situation arise again.

Companies have a duty of care to protect thier staff from assault as well as taking care of their customers.

Working in dementia care for many many years I accepted the occaisional violence as part of the job but it was never just brushed aside. Reasons for it and ways to prevent it in future were sought and the person was always spoken to at the time about why it was not acceptable according to their own level of cognition.

Yes, that's exactly what I said. Any customer at all can hit you if you're in their way. hmm. Making statements like that, when it's not what I said, just makes you look stupid. One day, when you've had to cope with a loved one with dementia, you might find you actually have some compassion, hell, most people who haven't been through that can usually imagine how awful it is to have dementia and can be compassionate.

One of us looks stupid and lacking in compassion and it's not me. You have no idea of my family's experience of dementia, or assault for that matter, or the OPs.

You're not educating or empathising, just throwing your weight around on an anonymous forum.

When you report it to the manager, focus strongly on your concern for the woman and not on the insignificance that is you. Raise the horrific possibility that next tine, she may assault a Paying Customer, or A Small Child and how dreadful that would be for all concerned, including the shop. She may try to hit you next time, fall and break her hip...Because that might be a more effective way if protecting yourself than the reality. You should not be hit.

This thread and OP is making me really sad. It's not at all a case that healthcare workers only need to know about how to be with people with Alzheimer's disease, there are hundreds of thousands of people in the community who have this and are not unwell enough short to need to live in a care facility. OP seems to have little insight and certainly no compassion for people living with this disease. OP maybe you should not be in public facing role given your attitude? I'd suggest becoming an Dementia Friend too, or perhaps you could suggest your employer could become a dementia friendly place?

Apart from anything else, you shouldn't need to be on Mumsnet asking for advice on this

Nest get rid of MN then as many of the threads you don't 'need to be on here asking advice about.

I'm also inclined to ask how the hell the security guard even knows she has dementia- is this factual or is he making an assumption based on her previous behaviour or habits?

I'd like to know too.

*Best

Surfer you must know me in RL. Because you know so much about me and my experience with people living with dementia.

Or she could just be a bad-tempered old woman who has as low an opinion of retail staff as many on here. Why the Fuck should she become a Dementia friend? Should she also read up on every other medical and health condition that enters the shop, so she can be a minimum wage empath to every customer? She was hit by an adult. That's not acceptable.