Woman smacked me on the bum at work - AIBU?

[Milkshakebelly]

I work in a well known supermarket and yesterday whilst I was stacking the shelves a regular customer (older lady) came up behind me, smacked me on the bum quite hard and said "hurry up your in my way".

She smacked me quite hard but then laughed when I turned round. I moved out of her way and went out back. I was annoyed by it and mentioned it to the security guard who just said "oh yes she's got dementia coming, she's doesn't know what she's doing half the time"

AIBU to be annoyed that it's been brushed off? I know she probably didn't mean it because of her condition but WWYD??

cockacid

Agree the police we dealt with regarding mums altzimers were totally wonderful

GahBuggerit

What did happen was that someone walked up to someone else and assaulted them.

And as for "what if", posters are playing up to the biggest "what if" in that the woman might possibly, could have dementia.

But its ok if agrees with you POV.

Oh yes Id love to be slapped on the arse, obviously No, of course not, but IF someone told me that Dementia was suspected I'd have a bit of fucking compassion for someone probably suffering one of the most terrible conditions that 1 in 3 of us will have.

Thats a third of us on this thread. A third of us will likely do this (IF its dementia) to someone else, and a third of us will totally forget that we did it minutes, hours or days later. Imagine how horrific that will be for a third of us, please, when throwing words around like assault, victim blaming (when proportionally the biggest victim here is the sufferer) and banning them from the store.

Boney - Ive said before that I agree it's not known if its dementia, so yes this entire thread is a huge What If (although you know full well I'm referring to the rather screechy "What if she stood on a kitten" comments) Although I do find it odd that OP knows the security guard doesnt live in the area, works at several other stores, thinks its the security guards job to report things that she is uncomfortable with but didnt think to ask "Dementia? How do you know she has dementia?".

"But its ok if agrees with you POV."
I think Ive demonstrated quite clearly that I can see others POV on this, I haven't seen many of the What If'ers doing that.

This isn't difficult is it?

You report it to your supervisor so they have a record of it. If it happens again to you or other staff members then they will see that this is an ongoing problem and they can put whatever steps are necessary into place to protect staff and possible customers.

I don't understand what the big disagreement is about. If the lady has dementia then yes that is awfully sad but staff still need protecting from any further incidents like this. I worked in the hospital for two years and had to call security many times when a patient with dementia was becoming aggressive to staff. I had a patient attempt to strangle me and while it wasn't his fault I needed protecting from that. Shop workers need protecting from similar incidents as well.

You can have understanding of dementia and empathy while still reporting incidents like this to a supervisor. If they can help her with a shopping assistant etc like the OP mentioned then it could likely benefit the lady as well.

Gah

No one is suggesting that the woman be 'punished' as you mentioned in an earlier post, but if she is at a stage where she is hitting strangers in public, then she needs help before it escalates further.

It's also not unreasonable to expect that if she has done it once, that she might do it again, to someone more vulnerable next time.
She might even hit someone who might turn around and hit her back.

We all know it's not her fault if she is ill, but if she repeats this behaviour she could hurt someone else or get hurt herself.

The woman clearly needs support. Calling the police would not be an unreasonable step. They would know how to find out who she is and they would know how to get her the help she needs.

I very much doubt either the police or the OP would insist a dementia sufferer is prosecuted for assault, and no one has suggested this.

GAh

I wipe my mums bum regulaly as she has altzimers so please don't preach about compassion to those of us coping on a daily basis.

but anyway none has to put up with assaults from anyone that's the nub. Especially from a stranger in a work environment.

Noone is talking prosecution here just protecting all the people involved both the lady and the op.

Thank you for your post Winchester which has calmed me down somewhat. I guess I've been pretty upset and disgusted at the way some people are talking about dementia sufferers, there are posts on here which dont have a single shred of empathy at all for someone who may be going through a true living hell, one which they themselves have a 33% chance of living. I do sympathise with the OP also of course but in the scheme of things OP has a better chance of being able to manage her situation herself quite easily (making her manager aware, keeping an eye out for the lady in future, actually checking with the guard how TF he knew she has got it etc etc).

I wish I shared the optimism about the police being able to help. There was a thread on here not too long ago about a lady who was trying to get help with her DM who shouldnt have been driving and the police werent interested then. Go on any dementia related forum and its very hit and miss with the support people are given.

I think YABU but that's because personally this wouldn't phase me in the slightest, but actually I don't think other people's thoughts on reasonableness are relevant here - obviously it bothers you so you need to find a way to make sure it doesn't happen again. How that can practically work without this woman being banned from the shop is difficult to see, so I guess talk to your manager for your options.

Gah

Do you actually know anyone with altzimers or have had any dealings with the police over issues like this in RL?

Those of us who have are trying to help the op and share our insights with those who havnt but all you keep repeating is posters lack compassion and the police are universally crap which is bollocks on both accounts.

Mum has altzimers and if she started hitting people we would need to know to intervene for everyone's safety

The police we dealt with were fantastic, far better than SS in fact.

yes I fucking do have dealings with it.

Every fucking day.

Alzheimer's

Just saying...

I'm sorry but 'she has dementia' is not an excuse at all.

If this is an isolated incident then it's somewhat manageable, put it down to a bad experience and keep an eye out for her in future.

If this is a recurring issue, then management need to step in. You do not work in social care, you do not expect to be assaulted (which you were) on a regular/recurring basis. It is not on. If she had punched someone or pushed a child and they had hurt themselves, would that be OK?

You need to speak to management and if this continues, if her behaviour cannot be controlled she needs to be banned from the shop. My Grandmother has dementia and she is still a good 16 stone, if she were to slap someone (be it bottom or not) it would bloody hurt.

Imagine if the next person isn't as understanding or she does it to a child. It can't be allowed to continue.

Also, the security guard needs a good shake. Who is he to diagnose such a condition? He is there to protect customers and staff alike, not dismiss them as and when he sees fit.

And if were analysing posts I haven't actually seen you give any advice apart from repeating "report it" and "I used to be a HCP didnt you know"
and I haven't said the police are crap (I believe I acknowledged that in some areas the support is better than others).

Anyway, I find your posts oddly aggressive and strange for someone whos own mother is going through this so I will bid you good day and leave it there I think.

U2 yes that's so helpful and has been posted before although why you feel the need to correct spellings on a thread where people post in a hurry and on phones is wanky but anyway well done you have a sticker.

gah sorry but it's quite aggressive to accuse others of lacking in compassion when a dearly loved mum is slowly sinking away from us.

My point though is any assaults are serious and should be noted to protect everyone concerned. How on earth that's lacking compassion is baffling

Anyway thread going in circles.

Op please report this to protect you, others and the lady concerned. It's the right thing to do on the circumstances.

I have not been aggressive at all, but I think youre just trying to wind me up now so like I say I will bid you good day :)

(although as a side I wasnt aware there was such a thing as Vascular Altzimers [sic] - you learn something new every day it seems)

Ah I was just going to explain about mum but can see you are being pretty vile so won't bother.

Yes she has vascular dementure that's the correct term but dad prefers the Alzheimer's term as he hates the term demented.

however not point scoring with you but if you are really dealing with this every day in RL get support. It's horrible. Good luck gong forward

Look, I genuinely havent meant to come across as vile in my last post, I admit I did have a bit of a moment when a supposed HCP with quite a lot of experience of dementia got basic terminology wrong. My comment was intended to be more of a towards you than a dig at your Mum so if it came across that way I do sincerely apologise, I think I've made it quite clear that I am rather defensive of dementia sufferers.

I still maintain some of your posts have come across as oddly aggressive and spikey which took me by surprise as I would have thought someone going through this with their own DM would be a bit more.............'soft' I suppose?? But as I say myself dementia manifests in many different ways so we all have different experiences of it so I should be more mindful of that.

Im obviously not interested in point scoring (how can we? there are no winners in this) but I will say its a bit off that youre telling me to get support when I've made it clear that there isnt any, and the fact that there isnt any has formed the basis of my opinions on this particular subject.

I do think you're still on a bit of a wind up with your last post but I'll put it down to a bad day at the office over a fucking awful thing.

and

No, you shouldn't put up with it. If she does it again tell her very firmly not to touch you again and report it to your manager..
If there is a MH issue or dementia then your managers will be aware of it and explain that to you. Either way, they have a duty to mak esure you do not get smacked at work.

My local supermarket employs a security firm who provide the staff, and those staff will often have knowledge of customers who they might see when their company sends them to other clients. This guard may be correct in his comments to OP.

However the supermarket's management need to know that a staff member was assaulted by a customer, suppose that customer had assaulted another customer. I have arthritis in my knee and hip and have constant pain so being hit would have been painful for me, or a frail person might have slipped, or a parent whose child had been hit would quite rightly be furious.

OP should certainly report it to the management as supermarkets do try to ensure their local knowledge prevents incidents. After my husband died I had a very difficult time on the phone trying to assist a carer who was being abusive to me and I had to leave my desk and my boss took the call over and said to me that he appreciated the carer