Woman smacked me on the bum at work - AIBU?

[Milkshakebelly]

I work in a well known supermarket and yesterday whilst I was stacking the shelves a regular customer (older lady) came up behind me, smacked me on the bum quite hard and said "hurry up your in my way".

She smacked me quite hard but then laughed when I turned round. I moved out of her way and went out back. I was annoyed by it and mentioned it to the security guard who just said "oh yes she's got dementia coming, she's doesn't know what she's doing half the time"

AIBU to be annoyed that it's been brushed off? I know she probably didn't mean it because of her condition but WWYD??

Well I very much doubt it was sexual confused

Talk about an over reaction. If a parents smacks a kids arse is that sexual too in your view?

I think she'd have recognised the woman if it was her mother.

Also I don't 'hit my kids arse'.

I find it strange that whenever a post mentions someone over 60yr old doing or saying something offensive its put down to "they probably have dementia and can't help it" . Really? Nobody was just a selfish, racist, violent, abusive, ignorant git previous to being 60?

As I said I worked in dementia care for donkeys years and some of the violent abusive patients were like that before as thier relatives confirmed.

Look at all the threads of narcissists mother's, abusive, controlling men. So people think they will turn into sweet old men and women once they get their pension?

Of course not they will be just the same entitled people they always were.

It really annoys me that someone who is just basically nasty is excused because of blanket use of the term 'dementia' which is not just one condition, not caused by one thing and has many variations of how it affects people. Not all people with 'dementia' act the same way not all people with 'dementia' are violent.

If someone put up a post about someone with a walking stick assaulting them would we all assume they had M.S. and we should accept it due to their illness making them cranky when they could have just twisted their ankle and just be a proper bullying pratt?

Medical diagnosis of someone based on one incident seems to be prevelent on internet forums I am surprised that we have a shortage of Drs as so many people can diagnose serious, complex medical conditions over the internet😉

Wow, so much victim blaming here.

The OP shouldn't be in a customer facing role? Seriously? Because it's obviously all her fault for getting smacked by a lady who may, or may not, have dementia, and she's strangely not happy about being assaulted in her work place!

It was her fault for being in the way?

I'll remember that next time a supermarket worker is in my way, I can assault them. I may or may not have dementia, the security guard who doesn't know me can diagnose me.

Sorry OP, I would report it to your managers and if she's a regular they can hopefully keep an eye out for her.

OP I think you need to let it go...

Only on MN is it absolutely horrific behaviour to enter a store five minutes before closing but fine to assault a member of staff.

Assault? Really! Report to the police? Really people. This is why the police don't have time to deal with real cases. You had your bum smacked by an old lady, it wasn't sexual I find it hard to believe it partially hurt, not something you want to happen every day but she's an old girl and probably thought it was affectionate or a joke. If she does it again just say 'oh I really don't like that. Please don't do it.' I think you're being pretty pathetic.

surfer

Do you seriously think what you are posting? I hope you don't work in social care as your attitude is extrodinary and I post as an ex community nursing sister and have a mum with altzimers.

Op hope you are ok please ignore the bat shit and report this

If she does it again - ask her not to.

If she does it again after that - take it to your management.

If you're bothered that the security guard didn't report it - report it yourself.

At the end of the day you were smacked on the backside - not a gentle tap either. (not that any form of touching is acceptable)

If I'd been on the receiving end, I'd be taking the incident to my manager. It should be logged. I would also expect my manager to be sympathetic and offer me reassurance and advice on dealing with this particular customer in the future. Or others with the same condition.

If the lady does have dementia, I sincerely hope she has a RL support system in place and is on the rador of the relevant agencies. I have cared for people with this condition and it's awful to watch someone go through this see them lose all sense of the person they once were.

If the lady is a regular maybe some of her family also are? If this is the case maybe a sensitive word from a senior manger to one of the family members would be of benefit to all concerned.

So HiJenny it would be ok for an 'old girl or and old boy' to smack the arse of a random stranger or a child because you know they are old and old people do that!

Are you on crack?

Why is everyone jumping on the dementia bandwagon when it seems as though the security guard made an assumption?

You shouldn't have to put up with this and the incident should have been logged. If the lady does have dementia then it still needs logging and then the supermarket could try contacting social services so she can get help.

"Why is everyone jumping on the dementia bandwagon when it seems as though the security guard made an assumption?"

Because OP though it relevant and true enough to include it.

Let's hope not Jiminy

Op yanbu. I think you need reminding as there have been plenty of posts blaming you.

Because OP though it relevant and true enough to include it.

She was purely repeating what the security guard said.

"would have liked the security guard to have taken it seriously and logged the incident so that if it happens again to me or to a colleague then something can be arranged - either an assistant when shopping or a relative informed"

Which also gives considerable credence to the security guard.

But doesn't explain why OP cannot report it herself.

Though I think the chances of being in the way of this person that often is pretty remote. As OP wanted the guard to report, then she must believe him, and it seems likely that the person is either known to the guard, or the deterioration in her behaviour is widely known.

Unfortunately, a single incident isn't going to bring forth social services help etc. We need significantly more investment in dementia services.

People who are victim to a dreadful illness need considerably more care than the community seems ready to lay for at the moment.

DS2 (20) is a student nurse. He's just finished his community placement where he and his mentor went to a care home. On one visit alone he had his arse slapped and pinched by the same old lady. No one took it seriously, in fact they all laughed including DS2.

He's been assaulted on the wards by patients with dementia and he hates having to report it because he knows they have no concept of what they are doing.

My nan had dementia it's an absolutely awful disease. You see the person you love slowly being reduced to a shell. They are frightened of what's happening around them and scared of their loved ones.

Being slapped on the arse isn't nice however I couldn't get worked up by it in this case.

For the security guard to say that about dementia I am guessing he has had past experience of other strange behaviour from her.

As someone whose DF has gone from the most gentle patient sweetest non-aggressive wonderful man to an angry, irrational, cantankerous, threatening stranger with Alzheimer's I would like to think I would let it pass.

Just to repeat what others have said - NO ONE KNOWS IF SHE HAS DEMENTIA OR NOT.

The OP "mentioned" (NOT "reported") the incident to the security guard, who trotted out the "she's got dementia" line as though that excuses everything.

The facts are: a) the OP was hit. b) the old lady may or may not (we don't know and neither does the OP nor the security guard) have some kind of cognitive impairment. c) regardless of b) the OP is entitled not to be hit by a customer whilst at work.

OP - in your shoes I would report the incident to the shop manager. If this old lady is in the habit of whacking people she considers are in her way, she could easily whack a child next time. Or another elderly person. Or someone who might feel justified in hitting her back. Let management deal with it, they ought to have policies in place for keeping staff safe in the workplace, and for dealing with violent or aggressive customers.

Since it has obviously upset you, just log it with your manager so they are aware of the incident, since she is a regular customer she can be looked out for to make sure she and the staff are safe.

I used to work in a shop that catered for the elderly and was routinely shimmy'd along with walking sticks, it's irritating, but I don't think I would have expected any action.

The police aren't going to be interested in an elderly (possibly ill) lady slapping your bum on the way past.

Some people are more sensitive souls than others, but beyond reporting it to a supervisor etc I don't know what else can be done. probably you are more likely to be chastised about being in people's way whilst at your work.

@waitforitfdear you'd have far more credibility if you could spell "Alzheimer's"

If she ha s dementia then she won't have done it deliberately. Get over yourself ! Or if it's bothering you that much take it to your manager - simples

I work with dementia patients daily, and yes, violent incidents do occur. However, within a care home setting, these incidents are logged as we need to see if the violence is caused by something such as a UTI (usually we do a dip asap if a person becomes very unsettled) or if it's a deterioration, in which case we need to involve other members of the MDT.

But that's in a professional setting with experienced members of staff. We need to ensure patients are well in themselves and the reason for violence investigated due to the risk of violence against themselves, other patients and visitors. It's also to ensure members of the public are safe should the person be taken outside of the care setting.

If this lady does have dementia, she needs the support of various HCPs to help her with diagnosis, and support provided. I would therefore log it with management in case nobody has picked up that this lady does in fact have dementia.

I have been assaulted regularly at work, sadly it is part of the job, but it's also quite rare (last incident I was scratched on the face and arms, left a few little scars) so when it happens, there's usually an underlying reason for it.

However, you aren't a HCP, you're working in a non-clinical environment without the support of professionals to help you should violence occur. You and other members of the public have the right to do what you're doing without being touched or assaulted in an inappropriate manner. This means it's essential the incident is logged to avoid escalation, or maybe your manager could investigate further and see if this lady needs real support.

I get other posters saying "it's only a smack on the arse, get over it" as I've nearly had my nose broken by a sudden punch to the face by a dementia patient but next time the OP might be the victim of escalation in the lady's condition. Or worse, a child (and yes, it does happen due to various complications dementia has on the brain - some patients do not recognise children as children. One of our patients had family in, another patient shoved a child of 5 over as they walked calmly down the hall).

Report it to management OP. This lady clearly needs support if she has indeed got dementia. If she genuinely hasn't then maybe try and avoid her where possible and speak to management about her inappropriate behaviour.

OP this whole post is ridiculous, none of us were there. What a drama. You speak to your manager, review the cctv to identify the woman and incident if needed and take it from there.