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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman smacked me on the bum at work - AIBU?

220 replies

Milkshakebelly · 14/08/2017 07:31

I work in a well known supermarket and yesterday whilst I was stacking the shelves a regular customer (older lady) came up behind me, smacked me on the bum quite hard and said "hurry up your in my way".

She smacked me quite hard but then laughed when I turned round. I moved out of her way and went out back. I was annoyed by it and mentioned it to the security guard who just said "oh yes she's got dementia coming, she's doesn't know what she's doing half the time"

AIBU to be annoyed that it's been brushed off? I know she probably didn't mean it because of her condition but WWYD??

OP posts:
Topseyt · 14/08/2017 08:03

Does the security guard actually know for a fact that she has dementia?

You didn't like it (who would?) and you don't have to accept it unquestioningly. Report it to your supervisor, along with what the security guard said about possible dementia.

Yes, dementia would be a living hell and if true then it isn't her fault. However, does your employer have no plans in place to protect employees from customers who assault them?

If this woman does it again I would be tempted to tell her sharply that you didn't like that, to stop it and to ask politely if she needed you to step aside, just like everyone else.

In our town a few years ago an elderly lady attacked several people in the post office queue with her walking stick and then moved on to do the same to a couple of teenage girls waiting for the bus outside. She also turned on one of the local shop keepers who came out to help the girls.

I don't know what her actual problem was and would prefer to try not to judge. Police were called though. I don't know how it was sorted from there, but it was. Perhaps that was the crisis that finally got things moving for the woman and her family. It didn't happen again.

Rodhullstvaerial · 14/08/2017 08:05

If she doesn't, phone the police. If the lady does turn out to be unwell, they will be best placed to get her help.

More than adult social care? More than a GP? More than a crisis team?

The Police. Societies one stop shop for the hard of thinking Hmm

WellThisIsShit · 14/08/2017 08:06

What do you want to happen OP? I get the feeling you're looking for a specific reply from this thread?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/08/2017 08:07

Have some compassion FGS. Dementia is awful, she's the one loving with it, not you.

You should be aware of the customers around you and move out of their way anyway, so next time just move before she gets to you.

There's NO WAY that reporting this will get her any help & it may get her banned from the shop, making her life more difficult. Is that really what you want?

Buttercunt · 14/08/2017 08:08

Not a given. Good shelf stackers are very awatpre of the space they take up and minimise it effectively. They are also aware of their impact in the customer and seek to assist, not just stay in the way.

Yes, be a good shelf stacker dear so customers won't need to hit you. Confused

You don't have to take the word of a security guard and patronising internet randoms to reassure you that you being hit on the bottom is necessary to ensure you're not upsetting strangers that may have dementia. You're working in a supermarket, not a care home.

If you want to take this further then do so.

Buttercunt · 14/08/2017 08:09

There's NO WAY that reporting this will get her any help & it may get her banned from the shop, making her life more difficult. Is that really what you want?

Or maybe she wants to work without being sexually and physically assaulted? 🤔

BarbarianMum · 14/08/2017 08:10

Report it to management. If the lady does have dementia (and this is by no means certain) then it may not be het fault but it certainly isn't yours. If she's a regular they need to find a way of managing her and they havea duty of care to you.

user1492958275 · 14/08/2017 08:11

She has managed to avoid hitting you regularly before, so I wouldn't assume she is going to do it again.

Unfortunately it's very common for people with Dementia to deal with things in a way that are not always normal and whilst I'm sure you was shocked, I would be inclined to let it slide, tbh.

I'm sure you will get over it really, unfortunately for the lady though she won't! Her mind is going and her life is changing. Don't call the police/get her barred/thrown out over a slap on the bum.

If it was a regular thing or happened more than once my opinion may differ.

NicolasFlamel · 14/08/2017 08:11

What outcome would you like? If she has dementia unfortunately she probably won't even be that aware she did it and the police certainly won't bang her up or ban the woman from the store if that's what you want.
Nobody wants to be slapped at work but IF the security guard is telling the truth I don't see what you can do. Why didn't you just tell her "Please do not touch me like that."

Buttercunt · 14/08/2017 08:11

Have some compassion FGS. Dementia is awful, she's the one loving with it, not you.

Based on a random security guard's opinion and being assaulted still doesn't come as a given. Compassion? Where's yours?!

You should be aware of the customers around you and move out of their way anyway, so next time just move before she gets to you.

Or they're entitled to hit you? Fuck me..

CockacidalManiac · 14/08/2017 08:15

I'd report it to your supervisor. You have the right to feel safe at work, whatever medical issues exist for customers. There should be a policy in place to support staff.
Unfortunately, there's a subsection of people on MN that don't like retail staff.

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 14/08/2017 08:17

Go to the police -its assault!!
*
Or recognise that this is someone descending into the living hell that is dementia and get over yoursrlf*

Absolutely this, ffs, don't be so fucking precious Angry

And to the poster who said that HCPs on a Dementia ward call the police at every slap ... bollocks! They would need their own police department in that case.

Dementia is a truly living hell.

doomf · 14/08/2017 08:17

You're annoyed because a lady who is descending in dementia smacked you on the backside.

Are you always this precious and offended by everything?

sandgrown · 14/08/2017 08:18

In my local supermarket the staff know the "regulars". There is every possibility the security guard does know the lady has dementia. There may have been previous incidents. Telling the lady off will make no difference if she has dementia. My friend cares for her mum who has dementia and even with my friend next to her she has slapped people on the arm in what she sees as a friendly way. OP should report the incident to her manager then try and avoid the customer in future. Perhaps management could ask the Alzheimer's Society to deliver a staff training session to explain how to help.

Buttercunt · 14/08/2017 08:20

The only information that the lady has dementia is from the security guard - how does he know?

Original poster
Milkshakebelly · 14/08/2017 08:20

For those that said I should have moved out of her way - I was on a kick stall trying to reach something on a top shelf when she came behind me and smacked me whilst I was on the kick stall. I didn't realise she was behind me otherwise of course I would have moved out of the way.

I don't want to get the police involved, banned from the store of course not. However I should have the right to go into work without worrying that this woman will do this again to me.

I am not a care assistant, I am a shelves stacker but that makes me no less of a person to be assaulted just because because I'm a shelves stacker

OP posts:
Original poster
Milkshakebelly · 14/08/2017 08:22

there's a subsection of people on MN that don't like retail staff

How true. Clearly if I worked for the NHS it would be a different matter but as I work in a supermarket I'm being precious.

OP posts:
Sleephead1 · 14/08/2017 08:24

If she has dementia she probably wont even know she did it. So far its a one off i would keep a eye as it could be the start of her dementia getting worse. If it happens again do you know this ladys name, address ect as you could ring adult social care and report your concerns. After spending time in nursing homes due to both grandparents having dementia it is heartbreaking illness and some of the things i saw il never forget. It totally destroys the person and i hate the illness and what happened to both my grandparents. But of course you should not have to be whacked at work. Hopefully it wont happen again but may be worth speaking to your boss to see what they advise.

Original poster
Milkshakebelly · 14/08/2017 08:25

Also just for reference - my mum is a care assistant and a few years back was hit on the arm "in a friendly manner" which bruised really badly. The company (not by my mum asking) took it seriously. So all that tripe about its part of a care assistants job is bollocks also

OP posts:
heartstornastray · 14/08/2017 08:26

I don't think the police would do much, i'd ignore it if it's just a one off.

CaptWentworth · 14/08/2017 08:27

Rodhull are you suggesting that the OP should phone a GP and tell them that there's an elderly lady with possible cognitive impairment wandering around, but she doesn't know her name or where she lives? Likewise with SS? The police have a duty of care, and regularly deal with situations like this. I know this from professional experience. Nobody is suggesting she should be dragged out in handcuffs.

Jesus wept.

Cherrytart6 · 14/08/2017 08:27

Report it to the store manager as a complaint. Or report to the police. Or do nothing and challenge her or any carers next time you see her. It's not appropriate, although I suspect it was done with no intent. Personally I'd let it go.

OliviaStabler · 14/08/2017 08:28

I don't want to get the police involved, banned from the store of course not.

Then what do you see as a solution that you would be happy with?

Sleephead1 · 14/08/2017 08:30

U dont believe hcp or care assistants call police on people with dementia who do this . My grandma and grandad where both knocked over/ pushed to ground this is at 2 different homes and police were not called. We as a family where upset both times of course but the other people where very sick and didnt do it on purpose. One of the people did move to a different home as this was the start of them getting worse and needed alot more care.

Sleephead1 · 14/08/2017 08:31

Sorry u should be i