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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married aged 20

214 replies

1stDinkyDecker · 13/08/2017 17:02

AIBU to think 20 is just way too young?

I have two twenty somethings myself, and I can't imagine them getting married at the moment, even though they are both in long term relationships.

We have received an invitation to a wedding, the bride will be 20 at the time of the wedding and the groom 22.

I just don't feel comfortable with this, but maybe IABU?

OP posts:
IAmTheDragon · 13/08/2017 17:03

It's not your place to feel comfortable or not, it's not your marriage.

It's younger than I would have wanted to do it, but the bride and groom aren't me.

Don't go if you're going to piss on their chips.

ivykaty44 · 13/08/2017 17:05

Lots of people have married at 20 and younger. If society thought it off I would think it would be changed to reflect that.

EssentialHummus · 13/08/2017 17:05

Either go and be happy for them or don't go at all.

Yes it's unusual these days but marriages can go wrong whether the b&g are 20 or 75.

PNGirl · 13/08/2017 17:05

We were 24 and 25 and had been together 6 years, since university. Since getting married we've travelled, built careers, sold a house and bought a bigger one, and not yet had children. It's not the end of something, but the beginning!

WhamBarsArentAsFizzyAsTheyWere · 13/08/2017 17:06

Some 20 year olds are mature enough, some aren't, the same as 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 somethings too.

If you aren't comfortable and can't wish them well then decline the invite.

Mayhemmumma · 13/08/2017 17:06

What's the worst that can happen? Separating I suppose. Or perhaps she'll marry the love of her life and they can have a long happy life together. The age you marry doesn't mean you'll have a successful marriage. If there was more to your disapproval fine but age alone?

*but then I got married at 24....

sueelleker · 13/08/2017 17:07

I was just turned 21, and we've been married for 42 years.

CaptainHarville · 13/08/2017 17:11

Are they very religious? I think that is why some folk get married very young. I agree it's far too young.

Bonesy1 · 13/08/2017 17:14

Married at 19, just about to celebrate 35 years together

insancerre · 13/08/2017 17:15

I got married at 20
Been married 30 years now

Namesarehard · 13/08/2017 17:16

Nobody's business. I'm 33. I got married at 22 and we've been together for 17 years. Couldn't be happier. He's my best friend. Age is a number.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 13/08/2017 17:18

I got married at 20 and it was fine, but I would probably hate my own children to do so.

If you don't like it, don't go to the wedding.

acapellagirl · 13/08/2017 17:20

OK tbh I think this society has gone a bit OTT and people are now f'ing adolescents until they're 35!! That's not healthy imo !! While my own parents married well over 30 a lot of their generation 20 was perfectly normal !! Sometimes I think it's better marrying at 20 than the infantilisation that takes place now until late 30 s - gaming, fbing etcetc. I wish I'd got mortgaged up at 20 like I wanted to but no had to play at having an adolescent lifestyle cos that was the expectation!!

RiverTam · 13/08/2017 17:20

Well, I'm sure loads of MNers who married young and still are will pile on but the stats tell us quite clearly that divorce is higher the youngest amongst the 20 somethings. Which does imply it might not be such a great plan. Personally - I know very few people who are still with their partner from that young.

MoreProseccoNow · 13/08/2017 17:24

20 is very young nowadays; it wasn't a generation or so ago.

I think they're called starter marriages.

I do know some people who settled down young for various reasons e.g. in Forces, religious reasons, needing security after parents divorce etc.

Underthemoonlight · 13/08/2017 17:25

Mil was married at 18 and had dh at 19. No one battered an eye lid back then. Everyone's totally different.

Tainbri · 13/08/2017 17:25

Been with DP since I was 16, married at 20, I'm now 47.

gizmosslave · 13/08/2017 17:27

Not married but I'm 19, my partner is 23.

We have a mortgage and a baby on the way.

Would get married if one we could afford to.

SerfTerf · 13/08/2017 17:29

YABU really.

Are you thinking of not going?

PickettBowtruckles · 13/08/2017 17:30

I very recently married and am in my early twenties. I didn't get married for any reason other than I loved my husband, and we wanted to get married. I can't say I'd particularly care if someone felt 'comfortable' with it or not, but if someone told me they were uncomfortable with my marriage after receiving an invite, I'd very comfortably uninvite them.

ToriaPumpkin · 13/08/2017 17:30

I'm 32 and have been married 11 years next week. DH didn't turn 21 until a few months after our wedding. We've had our ups and downs but we're still happy. We also didn't have any "reason" to get married so young other than we'd known each other a long time and loved each other. My dad got married at 21 and 36 and was divorced twice.

Ewanwhosearmy · 13/08/2017 17:30

I was 20 and DH 22 when we got married. 34 years and 5 DC later we are still married.

Our own DC are late 20s/early 30s and only 1 is married.

MissionItsPossible · 13/08/2017 17:30

A marriage will either last or won't. Doesn't matter about the age (except if underage obviously)

Libitina · 13/08/2017 17:32

I was engaged at 20 and married at 22. Had our 25th wedding anniversary this year.

redphonebox · 13/08/2017 17:33

I don't see the issue and would happily go to the wedding if I was close to the couple. It's your choice though. Decline if you don't feel you can support them on their wedding day.

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