Getting married aged 20

[1stDinkyDecker]

AIBU to think 20 is just way too young?

I have two twenty somethings myself, and I can't imagine them getting married at the moment, even though they are both in long term relationships.

We have received an invitation to a wedding, the bride will be 20 at the time of the wedding and the groom 22.

I just don't feel comfortable with this, but maybe IABU?

Im in uk but she lived in arkansas america. Got pregnant with planned baby at 14, gave birth 2 months after her 15th birthday to a premature baby at 7 months gestation, he has autism. Week after his birth a judge legally married her and her partner, also 15 at the time. Got pregnant again 2 or 3 months later with an unplanned baby as she was accidentally not given the contraceptive shot before discharge from hospital., gave birth at 7 months again (something wrong with her cervix cant carry to term) 2 weeks before her 16th birthday.

Was an open relationship because both were bisexual so allowed eachother a same gender extra marital partner.
She ended up emotionally cheating with one of their online gamer friends, he strangled her unconscious when he found out, charged with felony assault, she told him was over and wanted a divorce. Changed her relationship status a week later to being with the guy she cheated with, listing relationship start date as day before she ended it with her husband.
Didnt last, 3 months later was in a relationship with a guy long distance in california. Went to visit, moved there with the kids, married him after about 6 months. He was 18 she might have been 19. Shes 23 now but we havent been in contact since before she actually married him, she was angry at me for being straight because she apparently fell in love with me but she knew i wouldnt want her. If she still has girlfriends or has cheated again or if they are still together i have no idea, both have private fb accounts or have abandoned them for new ones i dont know.

Reading this thread has brought back some unpleasant memories of the judgements made, both by complete strangers and our own families, when me and DH got married (at 21).

Me and my DH were together 5 years before we got married, and are still together many years later. We love each other and have no regrets about marrying 'young'. It felt right to us (as it would for many couples who have been together for so long!), we have grown up together, and I feel so lucky that this was the case.

Many hurtful comments were made at what should have been such a happy time, even shopping for a wedding dress brought raised eyebrows and prying questions. Why people thought they had the right to judge, when they knew so little about us, is still beyond me. The people that were truly happy for us (mostly people from the older generation who had married at what would be considered a young age) will always be treasured, it was nice to know some people were happy for us. So please don't let your thoughts show, just be happy for the couple and let them enjoy their happiness, after all the decision is theirs and theirs alone.

oh - and being married certainly hasn't held us back. We both got to study, get good jobs and travel the world. We just got to do it all with someone we loved by our side.

YABVU. I met my partner at 15, married at 22 and now we have 3 children together and have lasted. At the time I remember my auntie judging us quite openly, despite the fact that she met and married her partner within 3 months of knowing him, but I guess that was Ok as she was 30 at the time.
We've spent all our pre-babies years having fun, partying, going on holidays and generally just being normal young people.
The only thing I feel I've missed out on is maybe some STDs.

You're right, 20 is too young to marry, but don't judge. If a 20yo wants to saddle themselves with the first guy who'll have them then that's their problem.

@namechange540 your post reads exactly how I feel.

Also, I wouldn't have wanted anyone who was uncomfortable with my marriage to attend my wedding.

Surely it depends on the couple involved. If you believe 20 is too young that's fine of course but really you're saying 20 is too young for you personally.
I got married at 20 and for me personally I wasn't too young and was so happy to marry dh. We married in 2009, me at 20 and he at 22, everyone set against it and making some horrible comments. We initially met when I was 12 and dh 14 and we continually bumped into one another throughout life until we finally became an item when I was 18/19 and the rest is history.
We have bought a house, have two lovely children and a little one we lost through a MMC and we've changed a lot over the past 9 years but we've changed together and it just works.
Still, his mum in particular is determined to see us fail, she honestly cannot wait to say "I told you so" but we're happy, really happy so she remains disappointed.
We're both currently retraining in new careers and are helping each other as such, it's a really exciting time for us. Obviously it doesn't work for some and of course some people will read this and think pfft you've only been married 8 years, you know nothing etc etc but for us, it has worked, it still works and I hope it continues to work.
Good luck to the couple you know as it really is so hurtful that the people at your special day all secretly and some not so secretly eh dh's family all think you're going to fail.

Yes, I know the age for marriage was raised in the 1920s ButchyRestingFace. I was wondering if the poster was talking about her great, great grandma or someone like that - not sure how far back you'd have to go - rather than a friend.

Ah, just seen JillSandwich's last post. So a friend. 15 now that is too young.

Why do you care? It isn't one of your children. Personally I wouldn't give a toss

I married slight older at 22 (had been with him 3 years) I was divorced 7 years later!

My best friend also married at 22 her and husband had been together since she was 16.. they are still very happily married 17 years later.

I agree with a pp that there is a lot of infantalisation of young people these days.

So true.

I also can't understand why there's so much angst about the fact that some people who marry young end up divorced. I suppose if they've blown a small fortune on a wedding only to end up splitting acrimoniously before even reaching the first wedding anniversary, that's all a bit grim and stupid. But (and I know I'm going to get flamed over this) spending tens of thousands on a wedding strikes me as pretty daft even if the marriage lasts for 70 years.

However, if they met aged 18, got married aged 20 and then grew apart during their 20s and split up not long before 30, so what? As long as they can manage to remain on reasonably civil terms for the sake of any children of the marriage, I can't see this as an issue. It would likely have happened whether they got married or not.

In my own case I wouldn't say it was great judgement or maturity on either of our parts that has led to the marriage lasting. A lot of it was luck.

It's not that I think people shouldn't get married because they should 'be having fun' instead. It obvious that you can have fun whilst in a long term committted relationship. However I still can't see any reason for having to rush into getting married. Is it because people want a wedding? Surely if you have only left your parents home for a few years it makes sense to give yourself a bit of time before getting married even if you are with a partner.

Can anyone give me a reason why you wouldn't wait a few years? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can anyone give me a reason why you wouldn't wait a few years?

Can you give me a reason why you should not get marries when you want to?

Why does anyone get married? I owned my own home 3 days before i turned 19. I lived with dh 18 months before i got married.

We wanted to get married and so did. Why is it so different to a 25/30 year old wanting to get married and doing so. Why would few years living alone make a difference?

Plenty of people live at home until their 30s now.

A small wedding with close family.

Being married hasnt stopped me travelling, studying, changing careers, having friends.

I would not change a thing. 25 years of marriage has been great. Wouldnt have been any better if it was 10 years of marriage and 6.5 years of living together.

Note when i say owned....i mean mortgaged. Would love to have owned one outright at that age.

I got married about 8 weeks after my 18th birthday. Groom was 22. We are still married 26 years later.
It's their marriage so if you are uncomfortable, don't go!

I don't understand why you "don't feel comfortable"?

Have yout actually got any reason to feel uncomfortable? Don't like the person your friend or relative is marrying? Think one of them is doing it under duress? Something else?

Can't just be their age, surely?

DH and I were married at 22. Will be 20 years next year.

Everydayanewname getting married young doesn't necessarily mean you're in a 'rush' though...we'd already been together 5 years when we got married, we just met younger that's all. There would have been no reason to wait, apart from other people's disapproval.

"Why is it so different to a 25/30 year old wanting to get married and doing so. Why would few years living alone make a difference?"

People have already given their reasons I think. A 20 year old is barely out of childhood and not old enough to make a permanent commitment, even though it's worked out for some people.

I was 22. Met dh when I was 17 but started dating at 19. Before meeting dh I was adamant I was never getting married but after 4 months dating I knew he was the one. We married at 22 and I'm now 35 with 3 dc. Couldn't be happier. My mum married at 19 - now married for 45 years.

Everyone is different. You either grow together, or you don't.

My DM remarried in her 50s recently and I feel totally confident saying that my marriage (married at 21) is far stronger and happier than hers. Our age is irrelevant.

My sister-in-law married my brother when she was 20. That was just over 25 years ago. I don't know what's gone in in the meantime but four bairns later they are still a couple.

Of course 20 year old is old enough to nake a commitment. People have babies at that age or younger and make great parents.

How is that not a commitment?

You can enter a legal contract, could be at uni and planning your career. All commitments.

Well, I'm extremely glad I didn't get married at 20.

I like having had lots of sex - and indeed relationships - with different people.