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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married aged 20

214 replies

1stDinkyDecker · 13/08/2017 17:02

AIBU to think 20 is just way too young?

I have two twenty somethings myself, and I can't imagine them getting married at the moment, even though they are both in long term relationships.

We have received an invitation to a wedding, the bride will be 20 at the time of the wedding and the groom 22.

I just don't feel comfortable with this, but maybe IABU?

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/08/2017 18:53

Someone i know was married with 2 kids at 15..... married for the zecond time at 18

Notagainmun · 13/08/2017 18:54

I married at 19 DH was 23. We have been married for 28 years and not because I was pregnant, we didn't start a family for another three years. My sister's were all around 20 when they married and they are all still happily married too.

MouseLove · 13/08/2017 18:55

Yep. You're being mega unreasonable. And really it's none of your business.

We were 22 & 25 when we got married 8 years ago. We had been together for 5 years at that point. We are very very much in love, very happy and TTC our first child. We both have professional careers, well educated & own our home so on paper, I suppose that's ticking a few boxes but more importantly our relationship is built on trust, support and unconditional love. We have grown into adults together, and have a soppy relationship, we're both very open people.

What you can do, is support and not judge, and help this young couple to thrive and love one another as they start out as newlyweds, I think that would be the greatest gift. People are also very different behind closed doors.

MoreProseccoNow · 13/08/2017 18:56

hedgebitch - it was usually Age 25/30 when the relationships broke down in my contemporaries (usually the man deciding the grass was greener & feeling like they'd "missed out" by settling down young).

I do know a few that have made it; I think coming from the same backgrounds, similar education etc) helps.

Gorgosparta · 13/08/2017 18:56

I don't need to prove anything. It's called an opinion.

It wasnt an opinion. It was a statement. But if you are saying its your opinion, i would still challenge it. Because its impossible to say 20 is too young for everyone, even just in your opinion.

Unless you are ignoring everyone who has had a successful marriage from around that age. If you still have an opinion when facts show otherwise, then we have reached an impasse.

You still have so much growing up to do at that age (don't care if I get flamed for that, in most cases it's true) and there is so much opportunity for the couple to grow in different directions. As happened to us.

Everyone changes. If you get married at 25/30/35 etc. People continually change. Our life experiences change us. I watched my grandad die last year. It changed me. I was 34.

But me and dh have changed and given eachother room to change. Maybe one day one of us will change in a way that means we are not compatible. Thats not exclusive to 20 year olds.

ButchyRestingFace · 13/08/2017 18:57

Someone i know was married with 2 kids at 15.....

You're obviously not in the UK.

DeadButDelicious · 13/08/2017 18:57

I was 24 and my husband 21 when we got married. That's 11 years ago now, together for 13 years total.

It's their choice. It's not necessary for you to like it or approve.

EB123 · 13/08/2017 18:58

For me 20 does seem very young, I am very glad I didn't marry my boyfriend of that time, the last thing on my mind was settling down.
On the flipside I know plenty of others who are still with their boyfriends (now husbands) from school and we are mid thirties now. My niece is 21 engaged with a baby and they have bought their own house. We are all different

sonlypuppyfat · 13/08/2017 18:59

I've got friends who married at 17 and 18, they've just celebrated their silver anniversary. It either works or it doesn't

greendale17 · 13/08/2017 18:59

I know 2 people who got married in their 20s. Both ended up divorced

squoosh · 13/08/2017 18:59

But if you are saying its your opinion, i would still challenge it. Because its impossible to say 20 is too young for everyone, even just in your opinion.

I think it's far too young.

squoosh · 13/08/2017 19:00

Someone i know was married with 2 kids at 15..... married for the zecond time at 18

Where the hell was this?

TheMasterNotMargarita · 13/08/2017 19:05

It is young but it isn't really anything to do with you.
I wouldn't be over the moon if it was my kids either but at that age they are adults so the decision is out of your hands.
If you can't go and genuinely join in their celebration then you shouldn't attend.
There are worse things they could be doing.

pigsDOfly · 13/08/2017 19:06

Married with 2 kids at 15, how the hell does that work? How old was this person when the children were born?

This was clearly not the UK, unless it was before the age of consent was raised to 16.

GoBigOrange · 13/08/2017 19:08

While it is lovely to see all the success stories of young love which endured, I would privately think that a couple of 20 and 22 were awfully young and unlikely to 'make it'. I'd hope they would, but I'd be doubtful.

Probably because from my own circle of peers, I can think of dozens of marriages which took place late teens/early twenties and I can think of precisely one which survived 10+ years and is still going strong. The vast majority of the rest tanked within two years.

ButchyRestingFace · 13/08/2017 19:09

This was clearly not the UK, unless it was before the age of consent was raised to 16.

So prior to 1929?

OP and her pals must be a fair age. Grin

iamdivergent · 13/08/2017 19:10

Married at 19 and 20 here - still together 13yr later

ButchyRestingFace · 13/08/2017 19:10

OP and her pals must be a fair age

MY BAD!!!

It wasn't OP who said it.

Sharl2017 · 13/08/2017 19:11

People like you are literally the bain of my life. I got married aged 20... 4 years ago and still get the 'ooh you got married young' comments. What exactly does it have to do with anyone other than the bride and groom.

If you're not happy for them then don't go.

BeachyKeen · 13/08/2017 19:11

Dh and I married at 20, 19 years later and still going stong.
Not saying it works for everyone, but it isn't always doomed either!

BeachyKeen · 13/08/2017 19:12

I was 20, dh was 21, just to clariefy

HazelBite · 13/08/2017 19:20

I got married, the first time aged 20, the fact that we both young was not the reason we separated 14 months later. He would have been the same obnoxious shit even if we had both been 40.
Married for the second time me aged 25, DH 21, we have just celebrated our Ruby wedding.
However I would say that none of my Ds's were any way mature enough to have got married aged 2, they had barely left college etc whereas their Dad at that age had been in the workplace some years.

It really does depend on the individual, their maturity and commitment and luck.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 13/08/2017 19:24

I got married on my 21st, we have been a couple since i was 17, I'm still happily married now with three children at age 26 . 20 is to young for some and not others. The same as its to young for some 30 year olds but not others.

I absolutely hate the whole 'they should be having fun' comment. Fun is different for different people, I enjoyy life very much and wouldn't change it for the world

Gorgosparta · 13/08/2017 19:28

I absolutely hate the whole 'they should be having fun' comment. Fun is different for different people, I enjoyy life very much and wouldn't change it for the world

I hate that too. My life is far more fun with dh in it. We have been out and had fun. We have still had fun with our friends.

Cant see what fun i am missing out on tbh.

AyeAyeFishyPie · 13/08/2017 19:29

I suppose i domt really understand the argument. I met DH at 21 and we both knew pretty quickly it was long term. In some ways it wasnt ideal - id have liked to have kissed a few more frogs first. But once we met that was it. We knew we wanted to get married. We married as students in a pretty casual wedding and i've never regretted it. Its nice now we are older not to have a wedding on the to-do list, all our savings went to our first house.And i looked great in my dress Grin.

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