AIBU to want my son to see the GP

[Steggers123]

Good morning, my eldest son turned 18 three weeks ago so is now an adult so I know hands are tied on this. For the past few weeks he has had a cough, some days not coughing much, some days coughing a lot. He has lost weight over the last six months going from a 32" waist to a 28" waist (he has shot up in height which may account for this). He is tired all the time, after a big night out last week it took him three days to recover.

I've just been in too see him and his face looks sweaty and waxy as it now does most mornings. I'm worried and want him to see the doctor, but he is refusing...he's 18, going to uni soon and I have to let him have his independence. So am I really being unreasonable or would you too be concerned?

Maybe if you say his new colleagues at uni will not want to share accommodation with someone who looks ill.

I would be corncerned. Is he eating? Could he be taking drugs? It sounds like he's very run down if nothing else.

Hate to say it but my first thought was drugs.

His appetite has been hit and miss, I don't think he's taking drugs, he's not going out all that often and is pretty coherent when he gets home.

I'd be concerned too. Difficulty is getting him to the GO though.

I do think you should tell him you're worried and ask him how he's feeling.

Three days to recover from a night out sounds like drugs to me.

Drugs had crossed my mind, but I thought with him not going out often and not having the money to spend on drugs it probably wasn't. But then I'm 'old' so wouldn't have a clue what drugs cost!

You can call to make an appt for him, but you can't force him to go.

However you could turn the wifi off unless he does. Or cancel his mobile contract (if you pay for it).

Or. You could sit down and explain that you are very worried and you are asking adult to adult for him to do this for you.

It could be something, it could be nothing but the remnants of a fast growth spurt. I hope he goes to check though.

I think this is going to be one where you have to be very careful with how much you push the issue, if you insist too much he might completely withdraw. It does sound a little like it could be drugs and even if he is coherent when he gets home doesn't mean it's not, people can be very good at hiding it (I've had first hand experience of having the wool pulled over my eyes) I understand your concerns though and would also want him to see the doctor if that was my DS. My DH is the same though he always refuses the doctor for anything. Maybe keep mentioning how hard uni will be if his illness gets worse and how he might miss all the great nights out with his new friends and how it would be much better to get the ok at home where he is registered with a doctor before he goes

I would be seriously concerned.
Tell him that its a kindness to you if he would only go see the dr. Why would he want his mum to worry when all he needs to do to alleviate that worry would be see the dr.
That's how I would put it to him. Guilt trip him a bit.

Ask your son if he is willing to MISS Uni because he wouldn't see a Doctor when he has a month to get better, remind he will miss freshers and all the other stuff if he is unwell at the start of term, and that freshers flu hits people who are already below power when they first meet so many new people.

I said I would be concerned because in my dad's case, his leukaemia presented as dramatic weight loss and a persistent dry cough.

I'm not saying that's what your DS has at all. I have ZERO medical knowledge! There must be LOADS of reasons for these symptoms you mention.

What drugs do people think would produce the described symptoms? It sounds unlikely to me especially as the symptoms seem to develop overnight (sweaty/ pale in the morning) and aren't associated with nights out.

It sounds more like an infection needs to be ruled out (glandular fever or even TB depending on where you live).

There are all sorts of things that it could be apart from drugs. TB for one, so don't jump to conclusions.
Maybe emphasis how it could jeopardise his uni course?

I used to take A LOT of recreational drugs in my late teens and early 20s, my parents never guessed as I was very good at hiding it. I functioned very well day to day and held down full time study. Not saying he is but do not rule it out.

With those symptoms I would be having a good chat to him and making him an appointment to see a GP. Simple blood tests could rule out many things but better to be safe than sorry.

How does his breathing sound? Could be pneumonia? I had it for ages before it worsened and I went the docs (and was then ill for weeks...)

You are still his dm. So you can be firm and insist. My ds came home from college with a dreadful cough. When he arrived back two weekends later still coughing my dh said thats it into the car and off to out of hours doctor. We were especially concerned as TB had presented at his college. However it was just a cough probably made worse by lots of late nights and no chance to recover.
I would do the .you wont be able to go to college so need doctor to give you something to get rid of that cough.You will be better in no time once doctor prescribes something. Make an appointment in his name and get him down there.

I have been there with my 18 year old and I really sympathise with you. My DD has asthma and had a persistent cough, laboured breathing and looked sweaty and waxy and refused point blank to see a doctor. I was at my wits end. I rang out of hours doctor and he finally agreed to speak to nurse on the phone who said he should come in to see a doctor. About an hour later he agreed to go. He had a chest infection.

It was torture so I fully understand where you are coming from. Try not to scare yourself about drugs. My son will stay in bed for days after a big night out. 18 year olds can be very narky and stubborn.

Could you bribe him by bringing him up some goodies, crisps, drinks he likes? Try your absolute best not to become entrenched in this argument.

How about getting him a cough bottle and some berocca?

Also don't worry about the future too much. I also have a 20 year old DD and she is fond of her bed too!

Your son's age is tricky and even though half the time you want to read the riot act it is generally not worth it.

Is he worried about going to university? Some of his symptoms could be anxiety related. That said, that doesn't explain the persistent cough - You can't physically drag him to the GP.

All you can do is encourage him to go, offer to make the appointment and if needs be have a phone conversation with the GP about your concerns prior to his appointment.

I hope you manage to persuade him to go...

I can't believe what I am about to say ... if everything fails pay him 20 quid to go. Desperate I know please don't shoot me LOL!

Young (or rally, any age) men really struggle to access health care appropriately.

I agree with you that what you are described warrants being assessed.
It may be something (any number of things) or nothing.

Don't nag him - he'll just dig his heels in further.
I like mummmy's suggestion - v good reverse psychology
"Son, you are a responsible adult and I hope you are feeling better soon. At least it is still a month before uni starts and if you missed Fresher's week, you'd be fine and not miss too much teaching. I'm sure you can make friends later in the year. Here's some for you. Tootle-Pips!" all said light and breezy.

Like shy horses, you need to let him reach the right conclusion himself and it has to be his idea to see his GP.

It doesn't sound like drugs to me it sounds like he's ill. It could be he's run down, some sort of anxiety related illness or even that there's something in his room he's allergic too (mold spores) in any case a GP appointment would be a best thing.