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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want my son to see the GP

253 replies

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 08:25

Good morning, my eldest son turned 18 three weeks ago so is now an adult so I know hands are tied on this. For the past few weeks he has had a cough, some days not coughing much, some days coughing a lot. He has lost weight over the last six months going from a 32" waist to a 28" waist (he has shot up in height which may account for this). He is tired all the time, after a big night out last week it took him three days to recover.

I've just been in too see him and his face looks sweaty and waxy as it now does most mornings. I'm worried and want him to see the doctor, but he is refusing...he's 18, going to uni soon and I have to let him have his independence. So am I really being unreasonable or would you too be concerned?

OP posts:

Original poster

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 23:33

Purple, no excessive thirst. If he wasn't 6 foot 3, I would drag him to the GP.

OP posts:

GlitteryFluff · 04/08/2017 23:35

Hope you manage to make him go tomorrow.

GetOutOfMYGarden · 04/08/2017 23:35

He's got to have his Men ACWY vaccine before going to uni, might be worth telling him he needs to go anyway for that.

Pregnantmushroom · 04/08/2017 23:37

Consider hyperthyroidism Hun, the weight loss, clammy skin, feeling tired despite being well rested and even cough are signs of it...

GladysKnight · 04/08/2017 23:38

He may be 18 but he doesn't know everything! Apols if this has been said, but gp visit is gateway to antibiotics if he needs them, which will make him feel better, or a diagnosis of a viral condition like flu will give him valuable info re need to rrst to avoid post viral fatigue which woukd really spoil his social life. By not going to doctors he is being immature, its not fair on you as he will doubtless expect him to pick up the pieces if he gets iller. Ask him how he thinks he's going to get better without professional help?

GladysKnight · 04/08/2017 23:39

Expect you to pick up the pieces, sorry

HashiAsLarry · 04/08/2017 23:39

How recently has he had his nose pierced? The nose is quite a host to infectious material that may not even show in the piercing site.

Original poster

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 23:39

Glittery, they grow up so quickly enjoy every second the man child phase will soon be upon you! I have three sons 18, 16 and 12 and I so miss having a little one.

OP posts:

thegirlupnorth · 04/08/2017 23:55

Reverse psychology.

Ask him how he would feel if you had all his symptoms but ignored his advice to seek help.....see what he says.

Also ask him to consider that a ten min appt. might diagnose him and give him the treatment he needs to start feeling better and enjoying life

thegirlupnorth · 04/08/2017 23:56

And if he refuses tell him if he feels ill he's to go to,his room to rest and take responsibility for himself.

Original poster

Steggers123 · 05/08/2017 08:44

He got home about 30 minutes ago, he sent me a text at midnight to let me know he was staying at a friends. As he walked through the front door he said 'don't have a go at me, I feel really ill, even my gums hurt'. Although I was going to try a subtle approach the words 'have you been taking drugs' just slipped out of my mouth. He's none to pleased at me, his cough his horrendous, it made him vomit again.

We both told him he has to go to the walk in centre today, but he thinks it's a waste of time and resources to go for 'a cold'. I feel beyond frustrated.

OP posts:

Ktown · 05/08/2017 08:49

Weight loss and sweats and fatigue in combination are worrying so send him to the GP.

Ktown · 05/08/2017 08:50

And persistent cough.
This happened to a family member and there are some things that need to be ruled out by a blood test.

Booboobooboo84 · 05/08/2017 08:56

Can you enlist the help of his brothers if they are close? Something along the lines of mum is sick with worry please just go to the drs to shut up her? Failing that have you tried crying? It's an old un but a good un

Nestofvipers · 05/08/2017 09:13

Steggers I'm really sorry you're going through this.

Do you think it would help if you spoke to your GP on your son's behalf? I know they can't force him to come to an appointment and are unlikely to see him at home (as he's not housebound, just unwilling to attend an appointment), but they're almost certain to say he needs to see a Dr and be very concerned about his symptoms. I wonder if telling your son that's what the GP has said would in any way encourage him to see them.

Alternatively would your son agree to a telephone appointment with his GP, so he can hear for himself that they agree he should be seen (and it's not just you nagging him)? If you think he's likely to underplay his symptoms, you could speak to them prior to his appointment to explain things first, so that they have the full picture.

The thing that concerns me a bit about going to the walk in centre is that they won't be able to arrange any investigations or referrals. Although having said that they may help strengthen your argument that he needs to see his GP and if they're seriously worried about him they will be able to arrange for him to be seen in the hospital as an emergency today.

I am a GP and although it could be nothing, my concern is that this is lymphoma, which is very treatable. Of course it may not be this at all, but I think from what you've said this needs to be excluded.

lettuceWrap · 05/08/2017 09:54

OOH Dr can arrange admittance direct to wards, or to A&E if they see something that requires urgent attention.

I think you DS really needs to be seen, don't wait until Monday, he sounds more unwell than last night.
I think you need to make him go.

SabineUndine · 05/08/2017 10:00

I think you need to haul him to A&E and tell him it's that or an ambulance in a couple of days' time when he's got worse, which does he want? His illness could be anything and yes, it will require a blood test, but he's got the choice between getting so ill he lands in hospital as an inpatient and has a blood test or going for one now and hopefully getting treatment.

PurpleDaisies · 05/08/2017 10:05

Nothing in the op's posts suggests he needs a and e.

Notevilstepmother · 05/08/2017 10:17

I think I'd be going with; listen son, you are 18 and I don't very often tell you what to do anymore, but I'm still your mum and I'm telling you now, we are going to the walk in, this is not a request it's an instruction, if you have any respect for me you will get dressed and get in the car right now we are leaving in 15 minutes. I don't care if you think I'm making a fuss or helicopter parenting, you can tell me how unnecessary and pointless it was when we get home.

6ft 3 or not your house your rules and he is still your child. He isn't making good decisions by not getting himself to the doctors so he isn't ready for that level of independence yet. Just pretend he is an overgrown toddler!

If he refuses then remove the router and his phone and set his siblings on him.

countingdown · 05/08/2017 22:29

I hope he got seen today and is feeling better.

Dodie66 · 06/08/2017 09:12

How is he today?

corythatwas · 06/08/2017 09:31

Tell him that there is a possibility that he could have a highly infectious but treatable disease (thinking TB) and that if so, walking around like he does could be killing other people. I for one would refuse to let my other children be around someone who was displaying those symptoms and refusing to get tested.

Original poster

Steggers123 · 06/08/2017 09:32

Well after coming in at 8am yesterday, he hasn't left his bed. He's barely eaten anything and spent most of the time sleeping, maybe this isn't unusual, but at 18 I would have thought he would have had much more energy. He's still coughing. I went into his room at 9am to tell him we were going to the walk in centre, but he's refusing as he 'only has a cold'. DH is being a prick, he thinks DS has just exhausted himself and needs to sleep, which may well be the case but as his Mum I would like a fully trained medical professional to tell me that. How the hell is he going to cope with uni if this carries on?

OP posts:

Whatslovegottodo · 06/08/2017 09:38

Could you call 111 for some advice?
It defiantly sounds like he needs seeing sooner rather than later. His symptoms could be caused by something minor or serious and the only way you will know which is by getting him seen by a doctor.

Easier said than done, I realise. Maybe at this stage bribery is acceptable.

MrsQuim · 06/08/2017 09:43

Posted too soon!!!

You HAVE to find a way he sounds seriously ill.

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