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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my son to see the GP

253 replies

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 08:25

Good morning, my eldest son turned 18 three weeks ago so is now an adult so I know hands are tied on this. For the past few weeks he has had a cough, some days not coughing much, some days coughing a lot. He has lost weight over the last six months going from a 32" waist to a 28" waist (he has shot up in height which may account for this). He is tired all the time, after a big night out last week it took him three days to recover.

I've just been in too see him and his face looks sweaty and waxy as it now does most mornings. I'm worried and want him to see the doctor, but he is refusing...he's 18, going to uni soon and I have to let him have his independence. So am I really being unreasonable or would you too be concerned?

OP posts:
EmeraldIsle100 · 04/08/2017 09:33

Pacific you are so right about men being reluctant to see a doctor. When I was trying to persuade my son to go to the doctor my mother was having the exact same problem with my dad who is 82!! By the time he condescended to see a doctor he had pneumonia.

Waitingforsherlock · 04/08/2017 09:36

I wouldn't threaten him with anything. I think the fact, as other posters say, that his Fresher's week etc could be in jeopardy is a good bargaining tool. Most men seem very reluctant to go to the doctor. However, I would probably go for the concerned, worrying angle and perhaps ask him how he would feel if someone he cared about wouldn't go and be checked out. Perhaps he is frightened of what they may say? In which case he needs support.

My ds, (19), took three days to get over a very late night/ early morning last week. He gets bouts of real tiredness and lethargy. More to do with his emotional state than physical I think. Your dc may have underlying worries and anxieties which could have contributed to his weight loss. However the cough and pallor would be the elements of this that I would really want checking out.

Good luck.

Crinkle77 · 04/08/2017 09:36

I don't think it's drugs. At 18 even if he has had a mad night it shouldn't take 3 days to recover. Tiredness just bounces off you at that age.

PacificDogwod · 04/08/2017 09:37

I moved doctors just before my children became adults, simply because it was easier for me to move than to get all of them to, and I felt that for privacy reasons it was better to let them have a gp who didn't have anything to do with me.

V wise move, MaryZ.

ContinuingPrim · 04/08/2017 09:38

Tell him my story: I had the same symptoms, struggled on for ages being a martyr and not wanting to miss work. The result was my chest infection developing into full pneumonia. I needed 3 different antibiotics to clear it and was off wrk for 9 weeks. It took another 8 months to recover fully.
If the same happened to him he could end up having to start Uni the following year! Much better to sort it all out now. He needs to be shag fit for freshers' week!

Original poster
Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 09:39

Everything has crossed my mind from drugs to glandular fever, I think one factor in him refusing to see the doctor is a fear of needles, I think he knows he's going to need a blood test done and he's scared. Finding the balance is so difficult, on paper he is an adult but in reality he's nowhere near being an adult yet ( I don't say that as an overprotective mother, he just lacks maturity).

OP posts:
SpareASquare · 04/08/2017 09:41

I said I would be concerned because in my dad's case, his leukaemia presented as dramatic weight loss and a persistent dry cough

Similar experience with a young, previously healthy, family member (21) Sad

PurpleDaisies · 04/08/2017 09:43

You are still his dm. So you can be firm and insist

I just don't think that works with the vast majority of eighteen year olds.

If you think he's afraid of the blood test, could you just encourage him to see the doctor and see what they say? He isn't committing to having the blood test, just having a chat with the doctor about what might be going on and he can listen to their advice and decide then. He doesn't have to have a blood test there and he's in totally in control of what happens to his body.

Maryz · 04/08/2017 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 04/08/2017 09:50

He needs to be sure he's well and fit to go away to Uni. that cough needs listening to, at the very least.

Poor thing! i hope he sees sense!

Original poster
Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 09:57

He's just come downstairs and asked me to pop to the shop to get cough syrup and Berocca because he feels awful. My head is telling me to refuse because the worse he feels the more likely he is to see the doctor and if he's an independent adult he can get dressed and go to the shop himself, but my heart is saying I should go...God, I'm going all precious first born and he's 18, slap me Mumsnet quick!!

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 04/08/2017 09:58

Tell him that nobody is going to do anything against his wishes.
No blood test will be performed unless he is up for it.
The initial consultation is for him to be examined - who knows what that is going to show?
If he ends up with a trial of antibiotics and gets better, well, no blood test needed.

If he does not get better or a blood test is required for anything found during the examinations, I would take however long it took to address his concerns, mainly by finding out what exactly he is so worried about? Many people have very odd ideas of what happens during a blood test and are VERY fearful of it, then find the actual experience quite easy to handle.

Nosy question: does he have tattoos? Well, a blood test is less sore... Wink

lifeinthecountry · 04/08/2017 09:59

Agree with PP, it doesn't sound like drugs. Possible left overs of glandular fever or some other viral infection, but it's worth getting it checked out.

My own adult/older teenage ds are all reluctant to see the GP, only go as an absolute last resort. I don't think it's unusual. It's nothing to do with privacy concerns, etc., they'd just rather not bother/have more important things to do (in their eyes). I like the reverse psychology idea.

PacificDogwod · 04/08/2017 09:59

Get him the cough bottle and Berroca - it won't make one jot of a difference if he has a good going chest infection and you can be seen to comply with his request.
Get him to take some Paracetamol - that might actually help with the sweating etc.

BlackeyedSusan · 04/08/2017 09:59

no girl is going to want to go near that cough,

BlackeyedSusan · 04/08/2017 10:00

use this moment to take him to see the gp or tell him the pharmacist has recommended him to see the GP.

PacificDogwod · 04/08/2017 10:01

Has he considered that he would have to see a doctor he has never met if he ends up needing medical attention at uni?

ExConstance · 04/08/2017 10:03

I don't know how you can make hi go but please do your best. My entire family laughed at me when I insisted DS1(then 16) go to the GP because he looked a lot younger than his friends and had lost some hair off his legs. It turned out he had a prolactinoma which was easily cured but could have cost him his sight had it not been diagnosed. He eventually decided to see the GP just to shut me up on the subject, now he is pretty pleased he went.

I17neednumbers · 04/08/2017 10:03

Sympathies op, is it worth showing ds this? www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cough/Pages/Introduction.aspx#GP

It might be ds is more prepared to listen to/read objective outsider advice that a cough lasting more than 3 weeks should be looked at, just in case.

You are right that fear of needles can put people off going to the gp if it may mean tests - it may be that ds could discuss a chest x ray instead to start with - though suspect GP may usually want to do blood tests as well. It is a problem - I do sympathise with people who have that fear.

ChunkyKnitHoody · 04/08/2017 10:06

Persistent cough, weight loss and fatigue are signs of cancer. Now, it's pretty unlikely it will be cancer, or anything else sinister, however, it's best to get it checked out now.

Point out that the first few weeks of university are pretty chaotic, hectic and he'll want to be enjoying freshers in full swing (whether that involves him drinking or not). It can be hard to register with a GP initially and even harder to get an appointment as they have to see all new students.

It would be a much easier process to follow at home, now, with the family GP then to wait and see.

I'd make sure he's eating fruit and veg and leave him the phone number to book an appointment.

(Not entirely sure why everyone automatically thought drugs)

ChunkyKnitHoody · 04/08/2017 10:08

"I think he knows he's going to need a blood test done and he's scared. "

He may not need a blood test; he may just need to have his chest listened to and a course of antibiotics prescribed (aside from the scary C word, which it's very unlikely to be). It is most likely a viral / bacterial infection.

EmeraldIsle100 · 04/08/2017 10:13

I would get the cough bottle and berocca for him. It must have been hard for him to ask given his original stance. Just casually give it to him and say you hope it helps and then assess him a few hours later.

lettuceWrap · 04/08/2017 10:16

With similar symptoms, cough for weeks after a normal cold - eventually went to my GP when DH (a GP) became concerned at my high fever... I had pneumonia and although I was treated with oral antibiotics as an outpatient, it still took MONTHS to recover.

I know there are plenty of other things it might be, but the point is, University is starting in a few weeks and I'm sure that's an angle to push (very gently) with him. How would he feel if he had to drop out of uni for a year. because of ill health?

The fear of needles I understand, but a blood tests followed by medication is a better option that ending up in hospital where there might be a lot more needles and drips etc!

Original poster
Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 10:25

Pacific, no tattoos but he has recently had his nose pierced. I did tell him that if he managed that he could manage any needles. He was quite poorly when he was little, the doctors were convinced he had Crohn's disease so he did have a lot of procedures done, blood tests, IV antibiotics, endoscopy and colonoscopy which were inconclusive. Maybe that is where his phobia stems from.

OP posts:
lettuceWrap · 04/08/2017 10:28

Btw, when I went to the GP, no blood test, she couldn't hear any sounds in the lobes of one lung, said walking pneumonia, immediate high dose antibiotics given, and strict instructions to get to hospital immediately if I got any worse, or if no better within 48hrs.