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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my son to see the GP

253 replies

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 08:25

Good morning, my eldest son turned 18 three weeks ago so is now an adult so I know hands are tied on this. For the past few weeks he has had a cough, some days not coughing much, some days coughing a lot. He has lost weight over the last six months going from a 32" waist to a 28" waist (he has shot up in height which may account for this). He is tired all the time, after a big night out last week it took him three days to recover.

I've just been in too see him and his face looks sweaty and waxy as it now does most mornings. I'm worried and want him to see the doctor, but he is refusing...he's 18, going to uni soon and I have to let him have his independence. So am I really being unreasonable or would you too be concerned?

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 06/08/2017 09:45

I am normally one for letting them make their own choices etc but your son has some worrying symptoms and I would do whatever I needed to do to get him to the walk in today (bribery, emotional blackmail etc).

mum11970 · 06/08/2017 09:48

I think you really need to get him to the walk in centre. He doesn't sound well at all. If he's had a piercing done he could have a blood infection. Sepsis would be my worry. It really does sound like he needs to see a doctor.

MissBabbs · 06/08/2017 09:57

I suppose you could threaten to call an ambulance if he won't come with you. As a last resort. I would worry it is serious too. No rashes I hope?

mum11970 · 06/08/2017 09:58

Don't want to scare you but get him help any way you can. Phone 101 and make sure you tell them he's had a piercing as this may make a difference and ask about sepsis. If there is any chance it's sepsis get an ambulance to him now!

Original poster
Steggers123 · 06/08/2017 10:01

I'm not worried about his piercing as his symptoms started weeks before he had his nose pierced. What do I do today, let him sleep all day again, is it just sleep he needs? I'm usually very level headed, but something about all this is really unsettling me now.

OP posts:
HashiAsLarry · 06/08/2017 10:05

I'd say listen to your gut. Call 101 for advice. Maybe ds and dh will take it more if their advice is to go to a walk in centre.

Weeks of coughing isn't good though, the poster campaign about seeing your gp after 3 weeks has started up round my area.

HashiAsLarry · 06/08/2017 10:06

Or 111. 101 is the police non emergency Blush

KathyBeale · 06/08/2017 10:09

I think you need to lose your shit! With him and your husband. It's absolutely not normal, it's not a cold, and this is exactly what walk-in clinics are for. Tell them he is going to the clinic, get your husband to help him into the car if necessary. I would even go so far as to say that he can't go to university unless he takes a bit of responsibility for his own health! It's time to play hard ball, in my opinion.

Actually I was ill for a lot of my second year at uni and it was miserable. He won't make it through freshers at this rate.

Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 06/08/2017 10:13

Leave him to sleep for now.Try to make sure he has plenty of fluids.Dont give him money to go out with .Ask you dh when was the last time he had a cough that made him vomit.
Where is he going to uni?If he expects you to help him move just explain that you won't if he's still I'll,which is likely since he won't get it checked out.

LightDrizzle · 06/08/2017 10:16

Tell him you are taking him to a walk-in centre and when he quibbles, interrupt and say it's not helicopter parenting as you'd do the same if it was his dad or a friend in the same physical state and same mental state of denial. Say you are happy to be wrong, but you are worried about pneumonia, glandular fever and leukaemia and the like. Prolonged untreated pneumonia can cause damage that impacts later in life. This is the case with my husband.
As pp's have said, end by saying he is going away to university in a month and you are worried he may miss the start or lack the stamina to keep up if he doesn't get better soon.

Blackadderspants · 06/08/2017 10:16

I agree with Kathy, I think you need to really lay down the law to both your husband and your son and threatening to cancel university might just do the trick. He really does not sound well.

Wishing you all the best, it's a really difficult situation with a stubborn teenager Flowers

minisoksmakehardwork · 06/08/2017 10:18

Your son could just be anaemic. But regardless of what it may or may not be, he does need to see someone.

He is 18 but you are not unreasonable to take him to the walk in, make him a gp appointment, whichever you feel would be most appropriate. Ultimately he is not taking responsibility for his own health.

You need to get dh on side though, without going through dr Google scare stories. He sounds like another person who won't go to gp until they are at death's door.

Either than or phone 111 and let them decide the course of action to take. Given he's a grown man and you can't force him to go, they may send someone out to him. And for all those who will say they don't, what harm then has op got in making that phonecall? If they don't send anyone out then op and her son are in the same position as now. If they do, then her son is seen by someone qualified to assess his health.

counterpoint · 06/08/2017 10:36

Don't they have to get a meningitis jab before going to Uni?

Perhaps tell a little white lie and say he needs a full medical before Uni as well as getting up to date with the essential vaccinations.

lettuceWrap · 06/08/2017 11:32

You need to do something.
He's properly ill, maybe very SERIOUSLY ill. He needs to be seen.
Tell him he's getting in the car with you and going to out of hours now, or you are calling an ambulance. Tell him if he's too sick to go and get himself checked out he needs one, or will do soon.

DianaMitford · 06/08/2017 11:36

Go into his room, open his curtains and windows, tell him to get dressed and get in the car. This is potentially life threatening. You NEED to get him seen today or he might die. That's a speculative over-simplification but put baldly, that's what you're looking at. So ignore your dh and get him to a hospital.

lettuceWrap · 06/08/2017 12:05

I agree with Diana. I was trying not to use the phrase "he might die", but actually, he might die. He didn't move from his bed yesterday, has been unwell for a number of weeks (with 6month history of weight loss) as is getting more unwell by the day. It's not just a cold, he needs treatment for whatever it is that's making him ill.

Maryz · 06/08/2017 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 06/08/2017 13:10

Had another chat with him, he can't understand the need to see a doctor so I ran through him symptoms again and his response was, 'well Mum with the symptoms I've got it's either nothing or something serious and who wants bad news'.

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 06/08/2017 13:17

maryz yes teenagers do sleep a lot, but they eo not routinely lose weight unintentionally, have night sweats, persistant coughs and vomit their meals.

OP If this were me the time for talking would be done, I'd tell him we were going because even if he isn't bothered, I am and I wont drop it til he goes.

lettuceWrap · 06/08/2017 13:19

Nobody wants bad news, but treatment will sort out a lot of those "something's" pretty quickly.

Maryz · 06/08/2017 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

astoundedgoat · 06/08/2017 13:30

Can you come down the heavy on him about money etc? Does he work?

Or can you afford a private GP call-out?

Finally can you call the NHS phone service if you have it in your area & run through his symptoms - if they say he has to go in, that might carry more weight than "worried Mum syndrome"?

Moanyoldcow · 06/08/2017 13:31

Sweet Jesus - I don't know how you ever kept your temper with him OP - is he always do frustrating.

I'd prefer a cooperative solution but are there any threats or bribes that will work?

Are you offering any financial support for uni you could threaten to withdraw (I hate even typing that).

i suppose if it IS drug related that might make him reticent to go.

I was a teenager who frequently pushed the limits of my body with going out and drinking. The only time I wasn't recovered with a day's rest was when I had a bad kidney infection.

DonkeyOil · 06/08/2017 13:32

As it's a Sunday, could you dial 111 and try to get a duty doctor to come out and see him? I'm guessing it's a bit 'luck of the draw', but you might at least get to speak to a health professional on the phone.

Hope you get it sorted and he gets better soon. I have 3 ds 23, 20 and 12, and can really empathise with you! It's a bugger, when you can't just go ahead and do what you think best, isn't it? Flowers

WombOfOnesOwn · 06/08/2017 13:42

Tell him that if he thinks he knows so much better than everyone else in the house that he's fine with going around with a possibly communicable infection, coughing all over the place on your couch, he can go find other accommodations.

That should sort this out right quick. It's getting out the big guns, but sometimes you need to do that to get someone's head on straight.