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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my son to see the GP

253 replies

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 08:25

Good morning, my eldest son turned 18 three weeks ago so is now an adult so I know hands are tied on this. For the past few weeks he has had a cough, some days not coughing much, some days coughing a lot. He has lost weight over the last six months going from a 32" waist to a 28" waist (he has shot up in height which may account for this). He is tired all the time, after a big night out last week it took him three days to recover.

I've just been in too see him and his face looks sweaty and waxy as it now does most mornings. I'm worried and want him to see the doctor, but he is refusing...he's 18, going to uni soon and I have to let him have his independence. So am I really being unreasonable or would you too be concerned?

OP posts:
user1497557435 · 04/08/2017 10:28

Take him to GP for goodness sake. He's not well and prob can't be arsed/not enough energy to do it himself. Could be a bug, asthma, TB, pneumonia......

PacificDogwod · 04/08/2017 10:29
Shock Well, if he can hold still for a nose piercing, a blood test is a piece of piss! Wink

No doubt his past experiences will have coloured his feelings about invasive stuff, poor guy.

Like other posters and I have said, he may well not need a blood test. And certainly none would be done without his consent and cooperation.

Leilaniii · 04/08/2017 10:31

I would bribe him with money. In fact, anything that would get him to the docs. I would also go in with him on the consultation.

Sorry, I know that is probably not the most mature approach, but I am just thinking what I would do if it were my DS.

Hope all's well OP.

wannabestressfree · 04/08/2017 10:32

The symptoms he has bar the cough could indicate crohns- I have it. It's an autoimmune disease so if he is run down he may well be really poorly. He has to go. If you ignore it he could end up in hospital and very ill.

wannabestressfree · 04/08/2017 10:33

Crohns is very difficult to diagnose unless it's flared so this would be a good time to go for the best treatment. He doesn't want to miss out on uni because he is too ill to go.

lettuceWrap · 04/08/2017 10:35

If previous tests for inflammatory/autoimmune bowel conditions were inconclusive- maybe it's time to look at that possibly again?

Maryz · 04/08/2017 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 04/08/2017 10:37

Take him to GP for goodness sake.

How do you suggest getting an 18 year old there against their will?

Maryz · 04/08/2017 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 10:55

He had his colonoscopy done when he was seven and the biopsies they took showed signs of inflammation but they were recessive. He had regular blood tests until he was eleven and his inflammatory markers were all normal so he was discharged from the consultant. He does occasionally complain of tummy ache, but nothing like when he was small. He's currently fast asleep on the settee, he's supposed to be going out tonight and he will drag himself out no matter how bad he feels...life was so much easier when they were toddlers!

OP posts:
tiggytape · 04/08/2017 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PacificDogwod · 04/08/2017 11:27

he isn't the only person (adult or otherwise) to have that phobia.

He most certainly isn't.

And, looking at the long term, it is a fear that can be very successfully addressed.

Nobody here can diagnose his current illness, so I hope he gets better or sees sense and gets himself assessed.

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2017 11:31

I would say I'd spoken to the pharmacist who said it sounded like a chest infection and that he should see the doctor.

With my children, if I said someone else had said it, they were more likely to take it on board.

It doesn't sound like drugs to me, though.

user1497557435 · 04/08/2017 11:57

Get the GP to come out then if he refuses to go. Either way he will either get better or worse. A&E won't exactly be a picnic.

PurpleDaisies · 04/08/2017 11:59

Get the GP to come out then if he refuses to go

Unless they're Karl Kennedy, I doubt you'd get a home visit for an unconsenting competent adult who just doesn't want to see a doctor.

PiratePanda · 04/08/2017 12:00

Please take him to the GP. Bribe him if you have to.

My brother in his first year of uni eventually went to the GP when he was suffering from inexplicable stomach pains and muscle pains elsewhere.

It turned out he had MALNUTRITION from not feeding himself properly!!!

GF and her mum soon put a stop to that Grin

ThamesOctopus · 04/08/2017 12:01

Sorry, but if he's going to go out tonight then he's clearly feeling OK enough; perhaps he's correct that he doesn't need a doctor?

PurpleDaisies · 04/08/2017 12:02

Thaf doesn't necessarily follow Thames.

mumof06darlings · 04/08/2017 12:05

Can you ring up, make an appointment and tell him it's booked for x time. Works for me when I'm trying to get my dh to go.

Roomster101 · 04/08/2017 12:09

It depends on your son but I bribery (i.e. money) plus the offer that you will make the appointment and give him a lift there might work.

ThamesOctopus · 04/08/2017 12:14

purple

What doesn't follow?

If he is going out tonight, then yes, he's clearly feeling "ok enough" to go out tonight - as I said. Perhaps he doesn't need to see a doctor. If he was saying he was feeling too unwell to go out tonight then perhaps the OP should persist with seeing a doctor, but I'd say the fact he's thinking of going out, suggests he isn't feeling too bad at this moment in time (he may of course still be ill).

PurpleDaisies · 04/08/2017 12:17

People with brain tumours still go out for nights out. I'm not suggesting at all that the op's son has one of those but you can't say someone doesn't need to see a doctor because they can drag themselves out for an evening.

ThamesOctopus · 04/08/2017 12:20

PurpleDaisies

I didn't say he doesn't need to see a doctor! I said he's clearly feeling OK enough and perhaps he doesn't need to see a doctor.

Key word = perhaps.

People who feel really unwell with brain tumours actually often don't go out - the OP's son, if he's considering going out, musn't be feeling that bad. Doesn't mean it's not serious, doesn't mean he's not unwell, but in himself, he obviously feels well enough to go out.

Ronnyhotdog · 04/08/2017 12:25

As the mother of an 18yr old boy I would probably use a bit of emotional blackmail, tell him it's for your peace of mind, he's off to uni and you need to know he's healthy while he's away from home. Also use how busy he will be once he moves and if he isn't 100% to start with it could jeopardise his 1st term at uni. I hope you manage to get him to see someone.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 12:31

Thames, totally understand what you are saying, but he will literally drag himself out. He got up this morning, had breakfast, told me off for worrying about his cough, then complained about how rough he felt and fell asleep on the sofa where he is still flat out and will probably remain for the rest of the day. He'll get up have tea, get washed and dressed then dose himself up with ibuprofen and off out until he feels too ill and comes home.

OP posts: