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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my son to see the GP

253 replies

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 08:25

Good morning, my eldest son turned 18 three weeks ago so is now an adult so I know hands are tied on this. For the past few weeks he has had a cough, some days not coughing much, some days coughing a lot. He has lost weight over the last six months going from a 32" waist to a 28" waist (he has shot up in height which may account for this). He is tired all the time, after a big night out last week it took him three days to recover.

I've just been in too see him and his face looks sweaty and waxy as it now does most mornings. I'm worried and want him to see the doctor, but he is refusing...he's 18, going to uni soon and I have to let him have his independence. So am I really being unreasonable or would you too be concerned?

OP posts:
llangennith · 04/08/2017 14:08

At 18 he's still not up big or too old for his mother to tell him to go to the doctor or else!
Drugs wouldn't be my first thought because, despite what MNetters seem to think, the vast majority of teenagers and young people don't take hard drugs and only dabble occasionally with soft drugs.
He's ill and it's important to find out what's wrong with him.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/08/2017 14:34

I don't think drugs. I think it could be pneumonia, dp has had it 3 times and he can diagnose it himself now. He gets a particular pain in his back (as well as the cough)
It could be something as simple as needing a course of antibiotics or an allergy. At this stage the GP will probably listen to his chest and he might need an x ray if he leaves it he could end up on a drip

He is an adult now and part of being an adult is when he is ill he needs to go to the doctors.

wannabestressfree · 04/08/2017 18:52

Please avoid ibruprofen if there is a chance it's crohns/ stomach related. I would refuse to buy anymore and tell him he needs to see the doctor to address what's appropriate for his pain/ temp.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 19:13

Well he's dosed up and gone out, by his own admission he feels absolutely awful. I've made him promise he will come home if he starts to feel worse, he vomited after his tea which I'm assuming is due to all the coughing. Tonight is going to be a long night!

OP posts:
GeorgeTheHamster · 04/08/2017 19:16

My elder son is 18. I would book the GO appointment for him and offer him a lift. He would go I think.

GeorgeTheHamster · 04/08/2017 19:17

GP. Obviously.

Icantstopeatinglol · 04/08/2017 19:22

God I feel for you Op. My ds is 9 and I dread it when he's older for things like this. Why don't you just make an appt and tell him he's going? Don't give him the option. See how he is over the weekend and if he's still poorly on Monday make an appt.

lettuceWrap · 04/08/2017 21:20

Sad It sounds like he's getting worse op, very worrying. I really think you need to have a proper heart to heart with him and make home see that he's quite unwell and needs to see some one. He may be an adult but he's not taking responsibility for his health. I have 3 young adult DC and all would have accepted us saying "look, you're not getting any better, we are really worried and think it's time you saw the Dr, shall I phone and make an urgent appointment for you?" - if he give his permission, make an appointment, and if you can, take him to it.

lettuceWrap · 04/08/2017 21:22

*him

Isadora2007 · 04/08/2017 21:49

My son just turned 20. Last year he moved out and then lost a lot of weight in a short time (to be fair he had a lot to lose). He wasn't sleeping well and looked awful. He came home for a weekend, and I made a GP appt and told him I was so worried about him that I was pulling rank as his Mum and taking him. He was signed off with mild depression and had some time off college before leaving the course completely as it wasnt right for him.

Make the appt and tell him he is going. Tough love.

Hairyfairy01 · 04/08/2017 22:09

Would he let you phone NHS direct in front of him? Maybe he'll listen to their advice? Does he have a temp?

Original poster
Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 22:28

Hairyfairy (love your user name) no temperature, but he does appear clammy particularly in the morning. I did try to chat with him before he went out and he accused me of helicopter parenting...cheeky bugger! He called me about 20 minutes ago to let me know he is ok and he's drinking through feeling awful, he's really not getting it is he. I've had a chat with my DH and we are going to try and persuade him to go the walk in centre tomorrow, if nothing else they'll at least be able to listen to his chest.

OP posts:
TheHobbitMum · 04/08/2017 22:43

I'd bribe my kids if nessasary, I'm sure there would be something you could offer for him to go to gp, takeaway or something even? Hope it's nothing too much OP and a quick fix x

Original poster
Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 22:45

Think I've hit the point where I'm going to try bribery, just want him to be seen and trying to talk to him sensibly is not working.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 04/08/2017 22:51

I know I keep harping on but he cannot continue to mix booze and meds (you said he dosed himself up) and feel awful and nothing happen....

ShrinkWrap · 04/08/2017 22:52

Personally I would book a telephone appointment with the GP to discuss your son's symptoms. They can at least organise a chest x ray which would go a long way to rule out potentially serious problems without the need for a blood test. >3 weeks cough = CXR even without all the other symptoms

haveacupoftea · 04/08/2017 22:55

Unlikely given his age but those symptoms would make me worry about heart problems.

PacificDogwod · 04/08/2017 23:08

Steggers, he does sound unwell and will hopefully see sense sooner rather than later.

Personally I would book a telephone appointment with the GP to discuss your son's symptoms. They can at least organise a chest x ray which would go a long way to rule out potentially serious problems without the need for a blood test. >3 weeks cough = CXR even without all the other symptoms

No doctor can discuss anything with anybody without the patient's consent. They can listen to a family members concerns and made a note of them so the info in there whenever the patient does attend. No CXR or any other test can be organised without the patient's consent.
3 weeks cough = CXR is, with respect, bollocks.
3 weeks cough = consider assessment by a doctor so a treatment plan can be made, which may or may not include a CXR

Most simple upper respiratory tract infections can last 2-3 weeks all in.

Although I don't think that the OP's son has a simple URTI.
I have no idea what he might have, none of us here do, but from what she is posting it would seem reasonable for him to be examined.

Haudyerwheesht · 04/08/2017 23:18

What's his cough like? Is it spasmodic and sudden? Ds has just had whooping cough

thisismadness77 · 04/08/2017 23:20

I wouldn't have thought drugs, but I would be worried and would want bloods done.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 23:24

Haudyer, his cough is quite dry and sounds like it's coming from his throat.

OP posts:
ShrinkWrap · 04/08/2017 23:25

Pacific surely you can get general advice about situation without breaking confidentially? Gp doesn't have to disclose any information about her son. Hearing information from a relative is not a confidentiality breach.

I'm suggesting a CXR as it's something that could progress situation from current uncertainty when son refuses to see a GP or have invasive tests

PurpleDragon76 · 04/08/2017 23:28

Does he have a thirst? I would be concerned about type 1 diabetes, the weight loss and illness that won't go can be indicators. I would try anything OP to get him checked out. Cry if you have to. He isn't responding to shop bought medicine and the worse he gets the longer it will take to recover. He may think it will just go but could end up in hospital. Tell him to disregard the fussing mum element and you would be the same of a good friend or any other family member, you just want him to feel better. Ooo I can feel all my mummy-ness surging to the fore and just want to make you a cup of tea, grab your boy and drag him to the doc's

BabychamSocialist · 04/08/2017 23:30

This happened to DS1 earlier in the year. He looked like an extra from Trainspotting and I had to drag him to see the GP. Turns out he had proper actual flu and needed a course of tamiflu and plenty of fluids and bed rest.

ButtMuncher · 04/08/2017 23:32

How worrying OP. I know my brother would be the same - there is just no telling him. I hope you get him seen asap Flowers

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