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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my son to see the GP

253 replies

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 08:25

Good morning, my eldest son turned 18 three weeks ago so is now an adult so I know hands are tied on this. For the past few weeks he has had a cough, some days not coughing much, some days coughing a lot. He has lost weight over the last six months going from a 32" waist to a 28" waist (he has shot up in height which may account for this). He is tired all the time, after a big night out last week it took him three days to recover.

I've just been in too see him and his face looks sweaty and waxy as it now does most mornings. I'm worried and want him to see the doctor, but he is refusing...he's 18, going to uni soon and I have to let him have his independence. So am I really being unreasonable or would you too be concerned?

OP posts:
Original poster
Steggers123 · 02/09/2017 11:16

Imamiddleclass His cough seemed to improve, not go completely but there was a definite improvement until a couple of days ago when it became horrendous again. He looks like he's lost more weight, I told him he looked skeletal yesterday but it's not going in. Uni starts in two weeks and I just cannot see him coping.

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 02/09/2017 11:26

I know this sounds weird but I suffer anxiety, and so do some of my children. Sometimes we don't even know why we're anxious we just know it's there inside somewhere.

We manifest with a 'throat clearing cough' it's dry and tickly and forms a vicious circle.

Just seems the cough increased as results were due..... then eased a bit...... now seems to increase again as he's looking at starting Uni.

Just a thought.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 02/09/2017 11:35

Rachie I had wondered about anxiety, he was as cool as a cucumber about his exam results but who knows what was going on inside.

OP posts:
GeneHuntsMistress · 02/09/2017 11:38

I had the same symptoms as your DS and saw GP twice and the nurse practitioner, each time they said my chest was clear. After suffering weeks of feeling and looking like the living dead I returned, chest still clear.... I insisted on a chest X-ray and refused to leave until they referred me.

I had pneumonia. It was embedded due to suffering so long and I was very ill for months on end, it has still left me with asthma 8 years later.

Please don't take the word of one health practitioner. Your DS is ill, you know it. Always listen to your inner voice.

KarmaNoMore · 02/09/2017 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoreOfWhabylon · 02/09/2017 12:21

I really think he needs to be seen by a dr, not practice nurse.

There are so many things that could be causing his symptoms (tuberculosis springs to mind - has he travelled overseas in the last couple of years?) but he is not well and is getting worse. Could you try telling him that he may be putting others at risk if he actually has an underlying infection?

Get nana round again if necessary.

BoreOfWhabylon · 02/09/2017 12:23

PS not decrying practice nurses at all, am a nurse myself.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 02/09/2017 12:27

He needs to see a doctor, not a nurse. Nurse practitioners work by protocols, this is not a protocol case.

Drag him there if you have to, threaten him with any loss of money etc that you need to. Cry at him and tell him you're terrified. But get him to a doctor.

Don't leave without blood test requests.

He is not well. Wake the mother lion in you and haul him there op.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 02/09/2017 12:29

For a start he should be tested for TB, leukaemia and have a chest X-ray to rule out pneumonia.

RandomMess · 02/09/2017 12:39

My DH has twice had pneumonia with a clear chest (lots of drs listened) and it was only the X-ray that picked it up!

However he did have a horrific temperature with it.

I really hope you get him to see a Doctor bring under the weather is the worst way to start freshers week! It's like an open invitation to glandular fever, mumps, shingles as well as Meningitis!

Original poster
Steggers123 · 02/09/2017 12:44

Nana has decided that all he needs is Minadex. Ffs I remember her making me have a spoon of minadex a day when I was little, usually followed by freshly squeezed orange juice sweetened with tablespoons of sugar!

OP posts:
TroelsLovesSquinkies · 02/09/2017 13:08

Could be Pneumonia. I was horrified to find Dd had it, and I didn't recognize it and I'm a flammin nurse FGS.
Keep talking to him, try to get him to insist on a chest x ray. It shouldn't go on this long.
He isn't going to be able to keep up at Uni if he's so ill and losing weight.

KarmaNoMore · 03/09/2017 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheredoesallthetimego · 03/09/2017 13:38

Any risk of HIV?

MatildaTheCat · 03/09/2017 13:41

This has gone on for too long. You need to tell him you've made an appointment and will be going with him to sort this out. He sounds scared. Use whatever leverage you have to do this. If you are supporting him financially use this as a last resort. He cannot go to uni in this condition.

He needs a thorough investigation and whilst hopefully there is an innocent explanation for his illness, he could be very seriously ill. He's only an adult by a few weeks and needs you to exert yourself and force this to happen. Enlist support and get him to the doctor tomorrow.

Sorry, I know it's easier said than done but it's time to get serious.

dotdotdotmustdash · 03/09/2017 13:45

My SIL had similar symptoms over a period of months when she was 25yrs old. She has severe learning disabilities so my PILs didn't connect the symptoms together - weight loss, night sweats, fatigue and cough.

She eventually collapsed one morning and ended up in A & E. She had Hodgkins Lymphoma, stage 2-3. After 6 months of treatment she was Ok and celebrated her 40th birthday a couple of weeks ago.

He needs to get this investigated, if SIL's had gone on any longer there may have no way back.

NeverTwerkNaked · 03/09/2017 14:22

He needs to be checked over again.
Keep pushing. I had to push my ex to go to the Drs for months and months during our first year at uni. He became seriously ill. It turned out to be Crohns rather than anything more sinister, but he was unable to enjoy his first year at university and spent most of the second year recovering.
Really hope you can get him into the Drs. Again

Original poster
Steggers123 · 03/09/2017 15:04

Wheredoesallthetimego He is gay, He doesn't know that I know and when I have tried to talk to him about it he has closed me down immediately. I don't know if he has had sex or if he has had a boyfriend. There is nothing to indicate either.

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 03/09/2017 15:54

steggers would it help if you don't attend the next appointment? Wait outside by all means but it may enable him to talk more freely. You could always run through your concerns with a Dr on the telephone to enable them to ask more targetted questions?

grannytomine · 03/09/2017 15:58

When I was ill with similar symptoms my GP thought it was TB, it wasn't but he said it was the most likely. Has he had TB jabs? I know they stopped them some years ago but not sure if they were reintroduced.

thenightsky · 03/09/2017 16:11

My DS is very thin and tall (28in waist) 6ft 3in. He won't tell me what he weights, but all his ribs show.

He got that waxy pale sweaty skin too, about two years ago. Turned out that he was anaemic, which also accounted for the tiredness and breathlessness.

Its taken 6 months of iron supplements to make a slight improvement.

RandomMess · 03/09/2017 16:21

No idea how you can get him there, perhaps the "it could just be anaemia and I don't want you to be too unwell to miss out on freshers week" approach.

Floradix or spatone usually work much quicker than iron tablets btw!

KarmaNoMore · 03/09/2017 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 03/09/2017 21:43

Anaemia does not make you lose weight. It can be a symptom of other (usually nasty) things that also make you lose weight.

Please get him to a doctor.

thenightsky · 03/09/2017 21:49

Sorry... I didn't mean my DS lost weight due to anaemia. He's always been a skinny thing. Just the waxy skin and tiredness rang a bell with me.

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