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Original poster

An homage....to the CFN

204 replies

lastkisstoo · 01/08/2017 14:49

In light of recent threads, it has enlightened and amused me no end at the amount of cheeky fuckerdom of the highest order that lives among us.

What is your experience of the CFN?

I will start with mine. The circumstances are not funny at all but her actions raised a smile even then so thank you CFN for a bit of light in the darkness.

My husband died in our home many years ago. After a week or so of me not living there due to the circumstances of his death I had reason to visit the street that we lived. On seeing me out of her window a neighbour from a few doors away ran over to me and asked if she could buy my livingroom blinds 'on account of me not needing them any more' Shock

OP posts:
Dinosauratemydaffodils · 04/08/2017 19:11

Hit a parking bollard somewhere in a hire car, came home and called the Police saying DH drove our car into their car before he drove off into the sunset. Had a really annoying Policewoman come around and accuse him of leaving the scene of an accident. There was no way our car even if driven by a blindfolded bat could have left those marks on theirs and DH was with our accountants miles away when he was "seen" but they still tried it on.

SciFiFan2015 · 04/08/2017 19:14

Not CFN but C previous owners here - we had got keys and arrived at our new home with FIL already to rip out badly laid laminate everywhere.
They were still there. All of them, plus their MIL.

We just walked in as it was our house now, advised them that we were calling the solicitors and started ripping out the laminate Grin

Got into the kitchen and smelled gas - the gas oven was leaking and had to be condemned on the day we moved in. Couldn't use it for six months.

They left food in the cupboards, loads of stuff in the attic and three sheds and their sofa. We allowed them to come back the next day to retrieve it.

We also found a ton of paperwork that related to the house so kept that

We tried to get money off the house sale (you get 7 days in Scotland to report faults) due to oven but didn't get any where even thought we'd been kind about letting them come the next day to get their sofa.

I think they were really miffed about us ripping up the laminate while they were still there - but tough it was last 12pm. It was our house and they were trespassing.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/08/2017 19:24

pax

That was brilliant! I would never have thought about insisting on potties provided and cleaned. (I'd have just laughed in her face, but your way is better)

TheAntiBoop · 04/08/2017 19:30

Scifi- were they in the process of moving but hadn't quite finished?

Tofutti · 04/08/2017 19:55

OOh, will nominate this for Classics after 200 posts!

RedStripeHoliday · 04/08/2017 20:07

pax I really did wee in a potty I kept under my bed when I moved into my new place. I was living alone (with dd) and shit scared of going downstairs in the night. It was the only solution as I drink about a gallon of water before I go to sleep Blush.

gingergenius · 04/08/2017 21:17

Quite stunned at the extent of cheeky fuckery out there! Great thread!

gingergenius · 04/08/2017 21:28

@Maelstrop she sounds delusional or schizophrenic! I'd definitely err on the MH side of things. Nasty for you of course - hope it resolves. Perhaps a thread of your own???? Wink

Maelstrop · 04/08/2017 22:15

@gingergenius I fear this is definitely the case, especially given her age. I'm most pissed off at the dd's attitude of asking if we really have blocked her landline and stolen her gas/electric. I mean, how am I supposed to have done this?! The mediator has kind of realised, as has the letting agency. Pointless doing my own thread, I don't want to out myself and I doubt anyone can help.

Areyouhavingalaugh · 04/08/2017 23:21

Moved into our house some years ago. NDNs on both sides both very nice or so we thought. Neither spoke to each other and we didn't know why.

All became clear about five years ago when the CFN from one side came running up to tell DH that our dog, who was in the house during the day, was howling and barking all day long. And just whilst she was at it she could hear our 3 year old DD crying all the time (news to us as she was at the childminder’s all day). She became really nasty and said that she would call environmental health on us if we didn't sort out the dog and our DD. We set up a recorder to check the dog during the day. No howling, no barking at all, all day every day for a week. I got really pissed off as she kept on challenging DH and wrote a really strongly worded letter to them both and posted it through their door as they wouldn't answer it when I went.

Turns out she was totally neurotic and had done the same to two previous sets of owners before we came. Nobody had told us as they didn't want to prejudice us against them. Even weirder, other neighbours spotted their house on the market some weeks later (no sign outside). They started to flit at night in the dark taking their small furniture down their back garden path and piling it into their car before taking it to their new house. This went on for several weeks as we watched fascinated. They obviously thought that no one has sussed them out Confused

They finally moved out the same day we had to have our poor, very sick dog put to sleep Sad

Sometimes you just cannot make it up…

paxillin · 04/08/2017 23:25

Potty, *Schadefreude"? Trying to imagine my luxurious body on a pink plastic Peppa Pig receptacle Grin.

YoungGiftedwithflab32 · 04/08/2017 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingergenius · 05/08/2017 00:45

@Maelstrop understand the not outing thing but sometimes feeling you're not alone in coping with difficult situations is hard. FYI you are not in the wrong. Perhaps NN DD has been a bit brainwashed by her DMs insistent ranting a la Stockholm syndrome. We also do not know what DD has endured through childhood. Too many variables to make any kind of opinion other than it's causing you a problem. I wonder if police/social services involvement would be useful as it appears you're suffering from harassment?

Use MN as an outlet. I'm so sorry for your situation. It sounds very challenging x

Partypolitics99 · 05/08/2017 00:55

My husband once had an interview and the man doing the interview lived down the street from us.

DH had to do a presentation about a specific topic during the interview but did not get the job
The next night this bloke knocks on the door and tells DH his presentation was really good and could he have a copy to use when training his staff
When DH asked him if he presentation was that good why did he not get he job he was told he was the best candidate but they decided to employ the "cracking blond with the long legs" and he was sure DH being a man would understand this Angry.
The bloke was asking against or the presentation as DH shut the door in his face. DH received three more emails over he next week asking for the presentation Hmm

Maelstrop · 05/08/2017 01:34

Partypolitics, I really hope he spoke to the company about sexism! Omg!

gingergenius · 05/08/2017 02:42

Fuck me @Partypolitics99 - that's out-fucking-ravenous: sexist against your DH who was better qualified.

Mind you I was once told that I was almost discounted for a job because of my hair colour. And at one interview, I was asked if I was considering having any more kids. This is in the past 14 years!

gingergenius · 05/08/2017 02:42

Ravenous? Meant outrageous obvs!

teawamutu · 05/08/2017 08:20

Minor compared to many of these but in the spirit of sharing:

Lived in top half of house divided into two flats. Garden divided in two lengthways, and for some mad reason our half was under their kitchen window so we very rarely used it.

Ndn asked if could trim branch from our tree, just to let more light in. I kindly acquiesced.

He cut THE WHOLE TREE down.

Then claimed it was diseased (it had no problems until some fucker CUT IT DOWN).

Then - and this was a particularly nice touch - used the wood to fuel a bbq under our window till 1am on a week night, when i had to be up at 6am.

TooLow · 05/08/2017 08:27

I think there really should be a threat topic especially for CFN lol

TooLow · 05/08/2017 08:27

Thread not threat

dannydyerismydad · 05/08/2017 08:27

@Areyouhavingalaugh I think you acquired our old neighbours. At least I certainly hope so. The thought of 2 weird couples so similar is terrifying.

They complained about the neighbours on the other side having a screaming baby that wasn't crying.

They took offence at our fence. So rather than discussing their wishes for a taller fence between our properties and cooperating, they waited for me to go away for a weekend and simply sawed my fence in half and then glued a new fence on top of the severed stump and wondered why I was rather upset of their destruction of my property and their hideous bodge job.

They did all manner of weird things to most neighbours. Then put their house on the market without a board and disappeared over several nights removing one stick of furniture into their car at a time.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/08/2017 09:19

I hope you started using your garden to store horseshoe every day after that tea.

What a cheek!

In fact - you can barely believe the sheer brass neck of some people. There are some who are obviously mentally ill, but the majority are just complete and utter arseholes!

peachykeenjellybean1981 · 05/08/2017 12:42

Cheeky fucking previous owner!

Man I bought my house from 6 years ago wanted a quick sale as girlfriend was moving out and he couldn't afford to live there alone. I didn't have much furniture so when he offered to leave some of his unwanted furniture for me (cheap price) I agreed. Included washing machine, fridge/freezer and wardrobe.

Move in and my df is helping me clean and sort out as previous owner hadn't bothered. Notice some pillows on top of wardrobe and my df pulls them down. Something fell down with it. Me and df peering at it trying to work out what it was.......

A USED FUCKING TAMPON!!! Wtf??

How did it get there? And why???

Also found used earbuds between carpet and skirting board

TakesTheCake · 05/08/2017 13:40

I second having a permanent CFN topic. There is more mileage in it than one would like to think. Just astonishing stuff. My blood presssure rises just reading about the un-fucking-believable things CFNs get up to. Current favourite: the CFNs who announced they would be concreting neighbour's drive to make it easier for them to park. I cannot get my head around how anyone becomes that entitled.

It is eternally fascinating. What kind of upbringing do these CFNs have?!

ATurnipOfMyOwn · 05/08/2017 13:46

CFN 1 - his fence was falling down, leaning into my garden, he tells me he's going to have it fixed and I come home from a work trip away to find that he's climbed over into my garden and used an 8 foot long plank of wood to prop up his fencepost, by sticking one end in my flowerbed! Not only that, he's spraypainted my side of the fence very badly, plus all of my plants, bushes and patio!

CFN2 - my current Neighbour From Hell. She's a right headcase:

  • complains about our front lawn "overhanging her driveway" by which she means a few blades of grass grow in that direction. Her driveway actually looks like a bombsite with great divots and puddles and 4 foot high weeds and thistles. It's sort of gravel (those large stones) and she drives like a coke-fuelled lunatic so every time she exits or enters her driveway, loads of stones fly onto our lawn. Whenever I mow the lawn I have to check for rogue stones, which I have great pleasure in chucking into the middle of her lawn to fuck up her lawnmower rather than mine.
  • once reversed off her driveway (pissed as usual) and straight onto my lawn (which runs right alongside her drive). It was during a particularly miserable winter and the lawn was really wet and she left a massive muddy rut in it, then claimed it wasn't her. When I pointed out that I'd actually seen her do it as I was watching from the front window, she said "Well what do you expect me to do about it?" I said that the very least I expected was an apology and she told me she refused to speak to me if I was going to talk to her "in that manner" and stomped off.
  • loves to bang on the door and ask my visitors to move their car if they've parked within about 3 feet either side of her drive, claiming she's been blocked in. We decline her kind request.
  • shouts passive-aggressively over the fence if we dare to make a noise in the garden louder than a squirrel fart
  • gets pissed and rants and raves at all hours - even the nice neighbours over the road have been woken up by her at 3am

I could write a novel - but I rise above it. I'm fucking zen me.

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