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Original poster

An homage....to the CFN

204 replies

lastkisstoo · 01/08/2017 14:49

In light of recent threads, it has enlightened and amused me no end at the amount of cheeky fuckerdom of the highest order that lives among us.

What is your experience of the CFN?

I will start with mine. The circumstances are not funny at all but her actions raised a smile even then so thank you CFN for a bit of light in the darkness.

My husband died in our home many years ago. After a week or so of me not living there due to the circumstances of his death I had reason to visit the street that we lived. On seeing me out of her window a neighbour from a few doors away ran over to me and asked if she could buy my livingroom blinds 'on account of me not needing them any more' Shock

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 03/08/2017 19:30

This is very outing, but wth, I've been simmering for ages. Not so much CFN as total NN. She claimed that the previous neighbour had persistently climbed the extremely fragile 6ft fence to steal her koi. The previous neighbour was a lady who must have weighed 20 stone. The pond, which I emptied, contained about five normal goldfish.

She then complained that her landline signal was being blocked (by us) with some amazing device. I'm not convinced it's possible to block a landline signal? Her grown up dd asked us, nevertheless. Apparently we are also stealing her electric/gas, which are both on card meters. I would love to know how this is allegedly happening. She phoned the rental agency-sadly she remembered the name on the board-to say that we had broken into her house and taken all the food from her fridge and laid it on the dining room table.

Police have been called by both sides, advice is to ignore her. I can't work out if she's just malicious or has mh issues. Apparently she's going to take us to court for noise and breaking her cooker (from inside our house)

ProphetOfDoom · 03/08/2017 20:07

When I was a kid I lived in a London maisonette with separate front doors at but at the back a communal balcony linking all the 10 back doors. A noisy group of women moved in who were always partying late, swearing, fighting and men would come & go. They were also constantly on the scrounge. One day they asked to borrow our vacuum cleaner ahead of a party and with my dad out I said yes thinking that's what grown ups did, be neighbourly. Only they were in no hurry to give it back.

My gt aunt visited and hit the roof when she couldn't find it, telling me she knew exactly what type of girls they were - which mystified me a little - and to get round there sharpish and get the hoover back or we'd never see it again. Wasn't looking forward to it, having been flannelled by them so far, but went round. Only to find the door open and our Hoover plugged into the socket into the hallway. So I took it back. I then heard them come back and one of them said: 'Shit, the hoover's gone!'

Did I tell them I had liberated it back? Nope. Just made a point of asking for the hoover back every time I saw them and that my Dad was looking for them. Whenever they saw him coming they slammed the door and hid. None the wiser, he used to say 'We have some very strange neighbours'.

MadisonMontgomery · 03/08/2017 20:22

My CFN's are generally very nice people, but the lady who lived in my house before was very elderly & let them use her property whenever they wanted as they did a lot for her. They have continued their cheekiness onto me and have so far:

Used both my front & back garden for their grandchildren to play in.

When they have workmen round let them park on my drive and use my back garden to lay equipment etc out (and when I put a lock on my back gate they just removed the entire gate!)

When they have visitors either let them park on my drive, or if I'm in then block my drive.

Advised me that they were going to have part of my front garden concreted over as it would make it easier for them to park on their drive (and were extremely put out when I told them that I would call the police if they did this)

AlpacaLypse · 03/08/2017 22:27

@MadisonMontgomery I trust your gate has been replaced?

littlemissneela · 03/08/2017 23:12

This didn't happen to us, but to our neighbour, and the CFN is not really even a neighbour; yet. I had a knock at the door last weekend and it was LNDN asking if we had any guests at our house. I said no and she said Ok, because someone has parked over our drive. She went off to speak to our other NDN and I saw someone had indeed parked right over their drive.
A bit later I saw some people walk down the road towards the car parked over the drive, and they thought it was ok to park there as they were just viewing a house that was for sale near us! Our NDN is a lovely person but has a very short fuse and she was waiting in her front garden for the owners to come back.

The house is now sold and I wonder if they were the people to buy it. If it was, I may be on here with some more CFN threads Hmm

Original poster
lastkisstoo · 04/08/2017 00:51

@MadisonMontgomery ...just Shock

@dannydyerismydad I don't know if I laughed more at your first post or at the update! Grin

@CanadianJohn Grin what possessed you?! Grin

OP posts:
RudeDog · 04/08/2017 11:03

I've actually thought of 2.

Parents once had a neighbour who parked their caravan on their garden because they didn't like the look of it on theirs, and my parents garden was bigger?

When we moved into our house our neighbours asked if we could take down the fence between our fronts - we don't have drives, not big enough for cars - so they could park their car.
Can't see what benefit that would be to us exactly
They don't have a car now and I park outside theirs, they're not happy in case they have visitors...

tralaaa · 04/08/2017 11:34

Place marking sorry

Veronicat · 04/08/2017 12:22

When I lived in London I had my doorbell rung at stupid o'clock on a Sunday morning.
I was working as a vet nurse at the time. There was a couple there from the next street who had met my neighbor walking her dog. They had a cat with them which apparently she told them I would treat for free to save them going to the emergency vet. It wasn't the first time she had sent owners round to my house either.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/08/2017 12:25

A while later, had moved and was driving home one night to see that the hotel was on fire. (Nothing to do with me)

'Course not Wink

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/08/2017 12:29

Brilliant thread OP*

ToastMarketingBoard · 04/08/2017 14:02

Not quite as extreme as some, but I've just remembered some cheekiness from an old neighbour.

My ex and I rented a ground floor flat in a little two-storey block. The upstairs neighbour (who owned hers) seemed to hate us as soon as we moved in- in particular she complained about the noise, but we were really no noisier than her, just everyday noise. Instead of using an alarm clock, every weekday morning at 6am she would get a call on her landline, and stomp across the flat like a baby elephant to answer it.

The big issue was when we got Sky and had a dish installed. She put a snotty through our door telling us we needed to remove the dish as we didn't have her permission to install it. We'd checked with our LL beforehand and he'd said it was fine so we spoke to him about the note. He confirmed that we didn't need her permission and said the only reason she was complaining was because, before we moved in, she'd wanted cable television and our LL refused to let her drill a hole through our living room ceiling and wall to run the cable through to the outside!

Blatherskite · 04/08/2017 15:27

DonkeysDontRideBicycles we have a cat walking neighbour too!

It is apparently a rescue cat and she was walking it on a lead while it got used to the area. DH opened the garage door form the inside one day to find her stood right outside - having walked up the length of the drive - grinning at him as if she was doing nothing wrong. There is no right of access across our drive.

After a few weeks said cat was deemed to be safe to be allowed out on it's own and chose our garden as it's toilet. I bought DS a new water pistol. It doesn't come in now :)

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/08/2017 16:38

I don't think the cat owner in our case made the same mistake again! You're right though it was as though she was instructing her pet, 'And this is where you'll go and do your business'.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/08/2017 16:41

MadisonMontgomery:
Advised me that they were going to have part of my front garden concreted over as it would make it easier for them to park on their drive (and were extremely put out when I told them that I would call the police if they did this)

Generally nice or not, that takes the biscuit.

winglesspegasus · 04/08/2017 16:54

cfn and its coming back/punk lives with gp and assorted other relatives.3br/2 bath house-6-14 cfns.main problem speedfreak gs who liked to run his mouth from dusk to dawnon the road,drinking on top of it .got hisself in trouble dec2015.big trouble but gp is law (sort of)enforcement.punk got 2yrs plus time served.gets out in a couple months.everyone on street complained to >owner(lease house) occupants,law enforcement of all kinds.police cars there daily some weeks.
now its coming back.[pissed off]

PurityOfChaos · 04/08/2017 16:55

One of my neighbours asked me to repair the fence between our properties (which was actually their fence) so their dog couldn't get into my garden.

Another neighbour blocked my car in and when challenged said they could park where ever they like because they paid road tax.

RedStripeHoliday · 04/08/2017 17:20

I feel guilty in enjoying this thread so much Blush.

My NDNs are lovely but I worry my sister might be a CFN. She often leaves her 3 kids between 3 and 9 yrs on their own and will tell the neibours on her way out that 'they're fine but just to let you know I'm going out for a hour'!

fuckingbubbling · 04/08/2017 17:58

RedStripeHoliday your sister is a neglectful twat who needs locking up! That's absolutely awful!!

ProseccoBitch · 04/08/2017 18:16

@winglesspegasus I can't make head nor tail of that Confused

RedStripeHoliday · 04/08/2017 18:32

@fuckingbubbling Id not have the guts to do what she does and would be scared something would happen to them but in her defence she's actually a really great mum. They live in the middle of nowhere so traffic and people arnt an issue. I agree it's really cheeky to put her neibour on the spot and her neibour has said as much now!

BewareOfDragons · 04/08/2017 18:38

I'll have to change names to post later...

fuckingbubbling · 04/08/2017 18:40

RedStripeHoliday leaving kids that young alone is illegal. Your sister is not a good mum.

PsychoPumpkin · 04/08/2017 18:54

I have to agree with bubbling on this one, RedStripe. Good mums don't leave their toddlers in the care of their 6 year olds while they go out.

PsychoPumpkin · 04/08/2017 18:55

*9 year olds

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