An homage....to the CFN

[lastkisstoo]

In light of recent threads, it has enlightened and amused me no end at the amount of cheeky fuckerdom of the highest order that lives among us.

What is your experience of the CFN?

I will start with mine. The circumstances are not funny at all but her actions raised a smile even then so thank you CFN for a bit of light in the darkness.

My husband died in our home many years ago. After a week or so of me not living there due to the circumstances of his death I had reason to visit the street that we lived. On seeing me out of her window a neighbour from a few doors away ran over to me and asked if she could buy my livingroom blinds 'on account of me not needing them any more'

Our neighbour has right of access over our drive to reach their garage however it's too small for cars these days as it was built in the 1940 or early 50's. So instead her adult children and their children used to park on our driveway when they visited, blocking us in or out of our driveway. One day unblocked them in, they wanted to move as they were leaving and I said two minutes as my husband was in the shower and needed to watch our toddler whilst I moved my car - they literally knocked again two
Mins later and complained ... I moved my car and said they were a risky trespassing inthe eyes of the law . The following day another member of their family knocked on my door and starting f'ing and jeffing at me, in front of my DD how dare I not move my car and block their family in. She then proceeded to park across my driveway whenever she could just to piss us off and hurled abuse at us and anyone visiting my house. I had to call the police in the end as it became so bad who read through our deeds and could see that she was wrong so harassing us. After that she threatened to pull down our fence as it was on the boundary line but she didn't want it there and would often say 'just you wait and see what I'll do to you when my mum dies and I get her house, you'll be sorry' .....
I think she was unhinged!!!

Bringbackpublicfloggings what do you mean by slightly violent?

Maybe op, it was 17 years ago so I can laugh about it now.. and cfn is also dead..

Moaned about my awful neighbours before. They play loud music at all hours, shout and scream, dog constantly barking, use our shared fence as a washing line, kids using our garden to access their back garden, just general inconsiderate pain in the arses.

A few weeks ago MiL was visiting. When she went out for a cigarette, neighbour came out and demanded that we stop parking outside their house (no drive, so can only park outside houses). Firstly, like they have the right to ask us to do anything and secondly, we don't drive/even own a car. They're being cheeky-fuckered by the neighbours across the road. I wanted to catch them to say I categorically wouldn't park outside their house if I had a car, I'd park it in their fucking living room .

Exactly, lastkisstoo my mum was actually raging that I had "pandered to them" by getting involved- but otherwise I'd have had to park my car in front of someone else's house and risk extending the CFNery. I think they just had very little in their lives and became overly obsessed. I remember them as being "quite old" aka older than my parents, but in reality they were probably only early 50s by the time I moved out at 18. I do still wonder what purpose the painted parquet driveway was meant to serve.

I went with a friend to look at a house she was thinking of buying. She proceeded. I helped her move in but while the place was empty the CFN had put up an 8' x 12' shed and whilst the door to said shed was in his garden, the actual body of the shed projected entirely into what was friends new garden!!!!!
We went round and knocked on his door and there was a right ding dong I can tell you. Friend generously gave him a week to get it shifted and he refused. She made a video diary of the week and the shed still being there and on the seventh day we demolished it on camera with the help of her brother, hurled it and the contents into his garden and made good the fence. She lived there for three and a half years and it was a scowlathon the whole time. Cheeky fucking blighter!

We used to live on a terrace with drives on some properties on one side and non on the other.

We had mine and dps car but no drive. Our lovely NDN was slowly doing the house up and mainly staying at his parents house in the meantime. We were pretty close, he actually worked for us!

Anyway he asked me if I would use his driveway for my car so the house looked occupied. Obviously I agreed as it was often a PITA parking and dd was small, we had shopping etc etc.

CFN across the road had issues. He wanted to park his car directly outside his house at all times. Going as far as knocking on and asking you to mive your car if he wanted 'his' space back. His son moved back in with him and also wanted his car as close as possible. So took to parking on my NDN drive. When I pulled him about it he said it wasn't my drive and fuck all to do with me.

My lovely NDN went over and had a word and he was told that as his car was worth more than mine he would continue to use his drive as it wasn't fair that I got to use it 24/7 when everyone struggled for parking. Lovely NDN laughed in his face at that and said if he caught him on it again he would let down the tyres.

So they took to delibrately parking over the driveway and refusing to move as 'it wasn't my driveway'.

At the time I drive a beaten up 4 wheel drive that was about to be replaced. When I said I would just reverse over his golf he laughed at me. He stopped laughing when I was resting ever so slightly on his drivers door and moved it sharpish.

We then parked up the tatty old rav 4 outside his mum and dads house for 6 weeks while the tax and test ran down and I had my new car. Childish but they stopped being such arseholes after that.

My mum used to be a childminder and NDN used to have a German shepherd dog. NDN had one of those metal patterned gates which was literally to the right of my mums back door and whenever anyone would walk out into the garden their dog would go crazy.
The children my mum used to look after were terrified to go outside and play so in the end my mum requested that they got a gate which was more solid and explained about children being too scared to go and play in the garden.
NDN refused even thought my mum offered to even pay for a new gate.
A couple of days later my dad put a gate up in front of theirs anyway which blocked the view of the dog and there was no more barking or scared kids.
Nothing they could have done either because my parents put the gate up on their own property.
Now they have to open two gates lol

Just wondering if these qualify as CFNs. Boring context first but the denouement is where it gets possibly really fucking cheeky

We live in a street of houses with long back gardens (100ft plus) and the street behind have very short gardens (30 foot) that back on to them. They are a tight knit community, lots of street parties etc. and enough of us have had the suggestion made to us that we should sell them part of our gardens with the implication that it is some sort of moral duty that we have the impression it has become a group norm.

An alleyway runs between our gardens and theirs which serves their terrace. We have never had access as our houses are semis with side access and we don't need it. Our neighbours have though and have been careful to maintain their legal right. So they had another approach from the person whose garden backs on to theirs to say could they buy some of their garden and if not that they had decided to appropriate the back alley into their garden, as in the title deeds they are the owners. They were the second to last house served by the alley so must have done a deal with their neighbour. Our neighbour pointed out that they wanted to keep access and so a deal was done that their gate was moved to the end so that most of the alley could be made part of their garden. All good, not particularly cheeky.

Then they build a dirty great shed on their newly appropriated garden about ten foot tall and cover the roof with fake turf and put a hatch in it. They then take to having family picnics on it and allowing their children to go up there to play. There are no guard rails and it can't be long before one of their primary age children or visitors fall off, especially if they are having a water fight as they were one recent Sunday afternoon. Needless to say this plan was never mentioned to our neighbour when they agreed the new arrangement. It directly overlooks their patio, we all have areas to sit at the end of the garden up there as it gets the afternoon sun. Fortunately we have compost bins and a greenhouse to screen us but more than once I have gone up there and had the children, and on one occasion the parents too waving at me and laughing. I also saw them taunting the lovely lady dog who lives next door.

CFNs?

Planning have been contacted.

Nowhere near as bad as these.
We live 30 minutes away from an airport so when PIL go on holiday they park their car on our tandem drive. Last year CFN had a garden party and told her guests to use ours as secondary parking. I knocked and warned her that my FIL would be parking there and would be back a week later, so all her guests would have to move. 3 hours later he turned up and they still hadn't moved, knocked again - no answer but could hear them in the garden, called out to them from mine and they turned the music up. FIL's cab was waiting and he was cutting it fine for making his flight, he had to take his keys as we were going to be away when he returned. About 3am the next morning CFN guest started banging on the door to ask us to move our car, so told him that I'd warned CFN and the car couldn't be moved until the following week. I then layed in bed listening to the fallout as a very boozy CFN and guest's equally boozy wife had a very loud row. The next morning CFN was on the phone in the garden to her mum telling her that she's had to give guest + wife money for cabs to work and back while they can't get their car.

Funnily enough she's never used our drive since!

Following a really heavy snowfall I returned home to find CFN had erected a sign in his garden reading 'my neighbour has stolen my guttering'
I looked and sure enough his guttering was missing. Turns out as the snow melted his guttering 'appeared' in his garden; it had come down with the weight of the snowfall.

I don't have any stories, we've been lucky so far (touch wood) with our neighbours.

My Mum however lives next to some CFN! They live in Victorian terraced houses where the road running behind is very narrow and parking is limited. My Mum doesn't drive so has kindly let her next door neighbours, who have two cars, park one or theirs in her space. She doesn't charge them or anything like that.

Recently she asked her neighbours to not park there on a certain day as she had tradesman coming and they'd need the van close by for tools etc. The man who lives next door was quite arsey with my Mum and told her it "wasn't fair!" The cheek!

Mum is about to sell her house and will be telling them to park elsewhere, which I'm sure will go down well. She's a nicer person than me though, I'd have ended the arrangement when the man was rude personally!

• one OF theirs, not one on theirs!

We lived backing into another garden and the fence between us blew down - turns out their kids knew my kids so we left is so they could all play (all fair they'd run between and play on the different slides etc)

Now my NDN also had kids one was a little terror and she wanted us to take down our joining fence so her kids could play between all three gardens -

I said no! Her kids were hard work and wouldn't play nice!

She became abusive and threatening every time I saw her and she scream abuse over the fence

Luckily we moved soon after

Thankfully I live in the middle of nowhere so neighbours aren't an issue. Just placemarking.

A huge for all of you that have stuck up for yourself, not sure I could in some of these circumstances I'm a bit of a coward

I'm alternately , , and at some of these......it amazes me that people can think that they are in the right in some of these situations!

@redfairy That is hilarious!

Our CFNs were extending their house. We received a 3 page typed document from them with the timeline etc on it (nice) but with the information that they would be putting scaffolding on our garage (cheeky). We objected as it was a 70 year old single brick ramshackle building that we didn't want lying as rubble under the scaffolding, and to pay us back they knocked our satellite dish out of place....on a Saturday afternoon.....in the middle of the footie season [shocked] !

My Parents' garden had 4 gardens adjoining it (it was near a corner) and when my DF died and we were clearing the house, one of the CFNs came round asking if they could buy part of the garden to make theirs bigger because we wouldn't be needing that part of the garden any more!

My ( now deceased ) ndn once posted a note through my door asking me to please not put my kids McDonalds happy meal wrappers in HER bin. My kids were too old for happy meals and, besides the food doesn't even touch the sides let alone have chance to leave the car park.

I live in a little cul-de-sac of 10 houses with a narrow, single track road at the end of a narrow farm-type-track.

CFN lives at the end of the cul-de-sac, I'm number 1.

CFN always drives down the lane and into our estate at about a hundred miles an hour, and if she ever finds anyone in her way (other neighbours pulling into their drives, people taking their bins to the top of the lane, etc) she just drives over everyone else's gardens/drive ways without slowing down.

Last week it was pissing down and I couldn't be arsed to get out of the car, open garage, get back in car, etc so parked on my drive - was well within my driveway, not over hanging the road or anything like that, had about 3ft clear space behind me.

Neighbour opposite followed me into the estate, closely followed by CFN. As per usual, CFN didn't slow down while neighbour opposite pulled onto her drive, and drove over my front garden, across my drive - straight into the side of my car.

Cheeky bitch tried to deny it at first - despite both me, and opposite neighbour obviously witnessing it.

She begged me not to go through the insurance companies as she already has sky high premiums (surprise, surprise!) which I refused so now she's claiming it's my fault as my car was causing an obstruction - on my fecking drive!!!!

When we had a skip she asked if she could put a 'couple of things' in it. Said I'd see if there was any space when we'd finished. 10 minutes later I caught her about to empty about 20 full bin bags out of her car into the skip. Sent her on her way and told her that as she'd gone to the trouble of loading her car she could take it straight to the tip

Springersrock - could you not purchase some large boulders from somewhere and put them round the perimeter of your garden? Would protect your property and might, possibly, make her slow down.

Dp and I used to live in the bottom flat with 2 other flats above us. The flat above was a lovely old lady who never made a peep. The top flat was constantly changing hands from one nightmare neighbour to another. Some of the worst things that happened were:
Throwing rubbish off of their balcony and completely missing the communal bins. We ended up with maggots and broken glass on our doorstep.
Letting their untrained dog roam free. It used to jump up at everyone and shit everywhere.
Smoking weed and cigarettes out of their windows and dropping the ends in front of our living room window.
The worst played music all night. It was so loud that it rattled our doors 3 floors down. The man then came to our door and threatened to bash our faces in after we reported them to the council!

My NDN used to pester me about not using the loo at night. Almost every time I saw her she told me she heard me going after 9pm . Her suggestion? I use a chamber pot between 9pm and 7am.

Exasperated after repeated reports on my loo activities, I said fair enough. I would not use them more than once per night though so she needs to buy 3 at least, with fully sealing lids. She then needs to come to collect them in the morning, clean them and return for me to use again at night.

No idea if she kept recording my bladder activity and bowel movements after that, but she never mentioned them again. She didn't take up my offer, either.

Dude unfortunately we have some covenants on our houses which prevent us from putting anything in our front gardens otherwise I think we'd all be out there with massive rocks.

The neighbours' kids all used to play out the front together but she comes and goes constantly so they've given up.

She's a total PITA - extremely unpleasant, nasty piece of work