An homage....to the CFN

[lastkisstoo]

In light of recent threads, it has enlightened and amused me no end at the amount of cheeky fuckerdom of the highest order that lives among us.

What is your experience of the CFN?

I will start with mine. The circumstances are not funny at all but her actions raised a smile even then so thank you CFN for a bit of light in the darkness.

My husband died in our home many years ago. After a week or so of me not living there due to the circumstances of his death I had reason to visit the street that we lived. On seeing me out of her window a neighbour from a few doors away ran over to me and asked if she could buy my livingroom blinds 'on account of me not needing them any more'

The neighbours on both sides are lovely, but one of them would walk his cat across our drive, right in front of our house. I was pregnant when he moved in, and couldn't stand wearing trousers so I would sit in the front room in a long top and underwear. He'd walk right in front of the window. Bizarre behaviour! DH wouldn't ever say anything for fear of upsetting him.

My dad died suddenly at home and so an ambulance, police car and incident van arrived on the scene, along with half a dozen family cars. CFN phoned the house to see what had happened!

She actually had to introduce herself on the phone.

'Hi, it's CFN here, I live in the house next door. Has something happened?'

Goodness knows how she even got the phone number!

Fairly mild compared to most but ...

We bought a house that had been empty a year as it was refurbished after the people renting it moved out.

Whilst it was empty various neighbours had been using the four car driveway - fair enough. After we moved in the majority of neighbours stopped doing this apart from the house two door down. They had two parking spaces themselves but still parked on our drive, and let their visitors regularly park there. One day we got really fed up and blocked them in. Expecting a knock on the door we waited all evening but somehow they had managed to get their cars out - still don't know how. Anyway it had the desired effect, the never parked there again.

Welshmaenad No not Bath. She's also stopped asking to come check our garden.

When we moved into our old house, I got an old banger of a car to get to and from work. It was a red clio and it wasn't battered but it wasn't new. We had space on our drive for one car so the new car went on the drive and the old car went on the road (giant road with space for cars outside opposite houses and two cars in each lane.

I think we were asked 5 times in that first month if it was our car. Same neighbours each time, same answer, yes it was our car...

Police turn up one month after we move in and try and tow it. Reg documents shown it's not abandoned, it's driven every night and parked up in the same place again in the morning.. after that I went round and asked the neighbours to have a look outside at 9pm and at 7.30 am when I got home they were sheepishly staring at me from their bedroom window- they ducked away after I waved

Just because my car didn't fit the aesthetic of the street didn't give them the right to report it as abandoned!

I would love to know if there are this many cheeky fuckers out there or if there is overlap and sometimes it's the same CFS being spoken about by different posters

our isn't exactly a neighbour (but hey it makes a good story)

When we bought our house when was about 12, the guy we bought it from had had to sell due to repossesion threatening etc.
We arrived at house on completion day. he was in bed, house not packed at all. His girlfriend turned up and started to kick him out of bed and get him going, and they started to pack.
It was a ranbling country place, with a 4 room flat that was the living quarters and that was over huge garages, and next to loads of out buildings. The four rooms were empty and we were able to move in by the end of the day, but the rest took ages to clear - days, and about 12 removal vans. It was all crap, broken stuff, piles and piles of possibly valueable old stuff that he is hoping he can sell as antique. He didn't actually have anywhere to move it all to, and ended up filling all his friend's garages.

He left 4 rusty old cars (vintage!!!) in the garden, we weren't allowed to touch them and he took a year to finally move them all.

But after we moved in, he used to turn up at odd times, at night, early morning, and shout at my mum and rampage round the garden and then leave. It was really scary actually, and she had to get a court order in the end.

I would love to know if there are this many cheeky fuckers out there or if there is overlap and sometimes it's the same CFS being spoken about by different posters

Same @MadamePomfrey! However the depressing fact seems to be that there really are that many unreasonable/downright batty people living among us

Our neighbour's told us we shouldn't be putting our wheelie bin on the l-h side of our drive because they could see it from their living room window!

*neighbours without apostrophe obviously Damn autocorrect!

We had a neighbour once who poked their nose out of their window and asked my guest to make sure that they didn't run over their plants when reversing off our drive. This is despite none of our guests (or us) ever doing so!

Not that bad compared to others on this thread- I live in a first floor maisonette, my gas meter is in the garden sort of below me. I'm a single mum, no one to watch DD usually. So I have to go into their garden to put my key in the meter to top up. Which is fine, all the flats in my block have that.

They have front AND back garden, with sheds for all their crap. Soon after moving in, they started putting aforementioned crap in front of this meter, so I physically could not get to it, at all. Went a week without gas in the middle of winter. Had to carry my baby down in horrid weather at times to struggle to get to it as they glared at me through their window!
Took me badgering on at the landlord before they moved it.
Thing is, my house isn't directly above theirs, my neighbour is. Gas meter neighbours had a leak in their ceiling so I get the blame despite me definitely not being above them so how could I have caused it? So repair people show up after a complaint, just as I'm heading out the door.

Bit of backstory, DDs father wanted nothing to do with her. Took a year before he wanted to see her. Arranged contact, and I couldn't go as the repair people had to check over the flat. I was devastated. And of course, it was my NDN flat that was causing the leak, and they were rude to me about it, as if it somehow was all my fault.

I started. Thread a few weeks ago about my CFN. She phoned my DH to tell him I'd been having an affair, when it was him she'd actually seen coming into the house. She's a nosy old busy body who stands in her garden all day long. People actively avoid passing her house, you can see them turn around when they spot her.

Relatively minor one...but does involve parking:

Some years ago, I was renting a "town house" - basically a near square of terraced housing, with parking behind the houses in the near-enclosed courtyard. The CFNs on one side really loved their noisy parties. Late noisy parties. Very late, very noisy parties. One Friday night they had a particularly late and noisy party, didn't stop until well after 4 am. I had to be at work by 9am. I was not impressed. Come morning, knackered and grumpy, I open my back door to discover that the party goers are still clearly in residence, as I am completely blocked in. Not an inch of wriggle room. So, at about 8:15 I am ringing the door bell. Then hammering on the door. Then kicking the door. By 8:30 I'm whacking the door with a steering wheel lock, which finally generates enough noise to penetrate their sodden slumbers.

"Your guests cars are blocking me in, and I need to get to work"
"But it's a Saturday"
"Yes, some of us have to work Saturdays. In fact, some of us have to work 24 hours on Saturday, and would have preferred to have had sleep. But I need to get to work. The cars need to move"

Last time they blocked me in for a party...

My neighbours are absolutely awful from the day I moved in they have been horrible for eg

our houses have a large 'coal bunker' type area, they are big, long enough to store push bikes, all garden furniture and tools ... when this house was empty the neighbours stored all their kids outside toys in the one attached to this house. I moved in so I took the toys out and put them in next doors garden and put a padlock on the 'coal bunker' door, later that day the neighbours came knocking, ranting at me, telling me how I had to take the lock off, that was her kids toy storage area and it was staying that way, the lock stayed

I used to smoke, after years of them knocking, "can we have a cig", "lend us a cig" one night and quite usual for them they came knocking at 3am .. woke me up, I went down to the door expecting some emergency, but no they were after cigs, I was cross and said not a chance in hell, 5 minutes later all my downstairs windows were smashed, apparently it wasn't them, but what a coincidence, I gave up smoking and made sure they knew it, they haven't knocked for cigs since.

they got a dog, their garden isn't secure, mine is, so I caught her one day letting her dog into my garden, she would watch it out of her window, after it had done its business she would come and get the dog back out of my garden, leaving me to clear up after her dog.

they knock all the time asking for stuff, eggs, gravy, milk, but the sugar saga makes me laugh so much, they knocked asking for sugar, I gave a good cup of sugar, enough to last quite a while, a short while later they asked for more, so I gave the contents of my canister, they came and asked again, so I gave them the bag, they came again, I said I have no sugar but I might have caster sugar for cooking, they took that, the next day they came asking for sugar so I said something along the lines of you have been here every day for days, you have taken all the sugar I had and I have none at all now, they replied "well you best get to the fucking shops and buy us some then" um I don't think so.

I have many a tale, all of them taking liberties, all treating me like some mug, I came to realise it didn't matter if I was nice or not to them they still treated me like shit, so now I give them nothing, totally blank them, and yes they still treat me like shit .. I feel rather sorry for them

We moved into a house that had been empty for over 18 months.

The street had a service road at the back of the houses offering access to the garages for each property and to the back gardens to the next street over. On our property we had a gate to access this service road and there was a path across our garden which led directly to the front of our property going right past our kitchen door.

Never gave it a thought that this path would become a security risk as assumed that our neighbours would access their garages via their own property but it became apparent that our neighbours had/where using our garden as a short cut while the house had been empty and it seemed that they had continued to do so. Took us a while to realise that it was the neighbours in the next street over that were trespassing.

We chopped down trees and bushes, can't understand how they never noticed this. Put an airer up, can't understand why they never noticed my washing drying in the garden. Built a shed, it is fucking massive and right next to the garden path!, just don't understand how they missed that.

Knew that neighbours where still using the path as a short cut, couldn't put a lock on the front gate but put one on the back gate but sort of used to forget to use it after accessing the garage for whatever reason.

CFN then scared my kids (5 & 3 at the time) by shouting at them to get out of the garden as they shouldn't be in there playing as someone had moved in WHILE THEY WHERE WALKING THROUGH MY GODDAMN GARDEN!.

I stepped out my kitchen door like an avenging angel and politely asked them who's permission that had to be on the property. They at least had the grace to look aghast and stammered that they knew the owner and he never minded. I then said that if you knew him then you would be aware that he had died and the property had been sold and would you like to hazard a guess as to who the new owner was!

They apologised and went to leave by walking to the front of the property. I said no, back the way you came please as you need to apologise to my kids for shouting at them.

I had a security light installed but that didn't stop the drunken dickheads who would park outside our house and go to their friends house in the next street over via my garden. They would trigger the light, which would blind them and I would watch with delight at the horror on their faces when they saw my 6ft tall husband, arms folded, asking them "What the fuck are you doing!". It was like something out of a horror movie. Hubby said on more than one occasion that next time he would love to stand there brandishing a crowbar.

It's one of my life long regrets that I never went out and bought one.

I came home from work once to find next doors 2 children playing on my DS's trampoline! When I asked the mum what the hell they were doing in my garden, she said well, I can't afford a trampoline, and you're out all week so your ds isn't using it. What's the harm!
Ended up having to install 6ft fencing and CCTV to keep them out!

My fucking bastard cunting evil neighbors constantly caused trouble for us, including lying to building control, because I built a single story extension. They knew it was a wet room for my terminally ill husband. They also screamed at me that I was a tramp and letting the whole road down because I hadn't cut my hedge for months and I was a lazy Gypo (sorry, their words) that needed to get off my lazy hole and get a job. This was less than three months after my husband had died and the only reason I wasn't in the grave with him was because I had to stay for my three disabled children. She is a social worker for adults with disabilities. 😒

Poverty that is sickening. I hope you filed a complaint to her work can you imagine her saying such vitriolic things to the people she works with? So so sorry for your loss

Little, you would think I was making it up if I told you the things they have done and said to me. I never reported her, as she was smart enough to get her cock lodging husband to do the physical stuf, while I could hear her laughing through the wall, after he'd do it. This includes her youngest child bashing the wall, while shouting "Nye nye nye" as my husband's coffin was being carried up my drive.

My inlaws knew we were having problems with them, but we downplayed it. They were horrified as they listened to this, and have offered of numerous occasions to sort it. They have offered since, but my darling, sweet husband asked me to forgive them and move on, as life is too short. Reads like a fucking soap opera. 🙁

I actually have no words. Beyond vile. Hope karma comes for them and hits them like a hurricane

I used to live in Pembrokeshire, Wales
...
Perhaps the most exciting thing he did was climb the tree which overlooked my garden. He was jumping up and down on the branches like and orangutan and making ook ook noises. The mind boggles.
Are you always this dismissive of the Welsh language?

Oh @PovertyPain

I really hope it has all stopped now

Nothing really on par with pp but lived in an upper villa and I had a huge fenced garden that ran past side of the house of mine and bottom neighbours door and a had drive at the front. They kept putting their kids toys in my garden and I kept taking them out to make a point, even knocked their door to tell them not to do it. One day find stuff in my garden so went all p.a rage and dumped the stuff right on their doorstep.

Again One day stepped out and loads of random stuff on my drive, I made sure to and made a point of saying is this stuff getting moved. I didnt have a car at the time but little liberties turn into big ones if you let them.

As an aside had nice neighbours who took my washing in for me when it rained.

Our CFN nearly burnt our house down (came within 5 feet of our back porch and 10 feet of our detached garage. Their illegal burn piles got out of hand, burnt about 1/4 acre of our backyard, destroyed an arbor, a deck, a gazebo and 8 trees. He then so kindly offered to 'call his son in law and we'll come over and clean it up for you'. Got pissy when the fire department pulled his burn permit and even pissier when we said no thank you we'll let our respective insurance companies handle it.