An homage....to the CFN

[lastkisstoo]

In light of recent threads, it has enlightened and amused me no end at the amount of cheeky fuckerdom of the highest order that lives among us.

What is your experience of the CFN?

I will start with mine. The circumstances are not funny at all but her actions raised a smile even then so thank you CFN for a bit of light in the darkness.

My husband died in our home many years ago. After a week or so of me not living there due to the circumstances of his death I had reason to visit the street that we lived. On seeing me out of her window a neighbour from a few doors away ran over to me and asked if she could buy my livingroom blinds 'on account of me not needing them any more'

Springers how annoying! And such a shame that the kids can no longer play out there.

I suppose it would be illegal to put down a nail strip such as the cars use for police chases?

Friend of one neighbour actually parked on my drive without permission- when I was in the house! He quickly moved it when I lost my rag with him & luckily my NDN who is a potential CFN said ''well I wouldn't want to cross you!" As I share a driveway with NDN she now always asks if she needs to use my part of the drive...

Springersrock you're in first place!!

This whole thread makes my blood pressure rise. Nice to see some karma in action with some of the incidents though!

Children at window, gazing enraptured. "Look, Mrs So and so has a cat and she's walking it on a lead!"

New neighbour talking animatedly into mobile phone while walking said creature. Then strolls casually onto our mutual neighbour's lawn, lets cat take a dump and then walks off!

I was all set to go and remonstrate but astonished mutual neighbour was already out of her front door at a speed to shame Usain Bolt.

My 4 year old daughter once came down the stairs to tell us (me and the ex, her dad), to please go next door and tell the neighbours to keep quiet. She also added that could I only speak to the females as the males (these were her words) were running around naked. And indeed she was right - we looked out of her bedroom window. Needless to say we let her fall asleep on the sofa that night and pretended to have words.

The day we left that house, was the happiest day of my life (I was also pregnant with my third at that time). They were the worst neighbours ever. I could write a book.

Can covenants be challenged? If all neighbours acted together, would someone consider allowing it, even temporarily?

Our old next door neighbours had a pathway built next to their drive so that they weren't stepping out of their car straight on to their front garden. Obviously this took up a little bit of their garden, but they did it so the weren't traipsing through mud in the winter.

New neighbours moved in last year and re-turfed it all - then came to ask us if they could use some of our front garden to make a pathway so they weren't walking on lawn to their front door!! So they didn't want to take up any of their own garden, they decided they'd much rather take up some of ours instead!!

She (CFN) then had the cheek to get arsey with us when we said no!
"We don't even have to ask you, it's our land anyway", she said.
"Actually I think you'll find it's our land, if you look at your deeds like I've done", replied DH, "And furthermore, you know it's not your land because you wouldn't be round here asking for our permission if it was yours, would you?!"
"Oh well, if you're going to be like that!!" she said, flouncing off.
Be like what exactly?! A normal human who checks things like legal documents relating to their home?!
She is batshit and doesn't speak to us now. It must really wind her up when her DH wishes us good morning

When I was a child we lived at the entrance to a cul-de-sac, there were lots of families with kids who used to ride their bikes there. I didn't much, but one particular day when I was about 8 years old I did with a bunch of others who lived there. At the top of the 't' of this cul-de-sac lived an elderly couple who hated children riding their bikes in front of their house (not on their land, just on the road past their house) and regularly used to come out & shout at kids on bikes.

So the kids started to cut down the road before getting to the front of their house, so as not to ride past them. They didn't like that either and this particular day elderly man ran out of his house and, me being the closest to him, grabbed the front of my bike, started shaking it about & screaming in my face about how we were upsetting his wife. He then tried to drag me off my bike and into his house so his wife could tell me off. I was utterly terrified, dropped my bike, got free of him and ran for (what felt like) my life. He then chased after me, but fell over (ha!).

I got home hysterical, scared out of my wits and barely able to breathe. So my Mum (a feisty bird) went round to get my bike from where I'd dropped it in the road & give him a piece of her mind for trying to drag a young frightened child into his house. The neighbours all came out to confirm they'd seen what he'd done & how shocked they were.

I will never fathom what on earth can have been going on with his wife such that kids riding near their house caused her such distress & him to react so angrily & inappropriately. It was the 1970's, if somebody did that to my child now I'd call the police. What did my Mum do? Come back home & send me to my room 'because it must have been partly my fault for an adult to react that way.' The injustice still rankles over 40 years on!

Makes me feel lucky to have had the neighbours I've had in my lifetime, even though at the time I thought mine were bad!

I suppose not a CFN, but rather an AFN (annoying) lady across the road has several cats and is forever calling them at all hours. Earliest was at 6 in the morning shreeking the cats name and the latest was after midnight again calling for cat. They are constantly in our garden and knocking over my dads plants and ruining his garden. She has stopped since I shouted but waking me up when I'm trying to sleep was getting on my tits.

We had to get ambulance for my so a few weeks ago and they parked across our driveway and a bit of the neighbours as there was literally no where else for them to fit- after not even 5mins the neighbour comes over to say it needed moving because he wanted to get out... turns out all he wanted to do was get ice cream- it was only 7pm on a Saturday night so hardly a has to happen right this second issue

NN rather than CFN.

I used to live in Pembrokeshire Wales. We had a guy living across the way who was an alcoholic and domestic violence perpetrator. One of the things he used to like to do was randomly burn furniture on his front lawn. One day while drunk he pulled his sofa out, put it against the side of his house and set it aflame.

Othertimes it was random incomprehensible fighting and flailing about on the road.

Perhaps the most exciting thing he did was climb the tree which overlooked my garden. He was jumping up and down on the branches like and orangutan and making ook ook noises. The mind boggles.

@Storminateapot My PIL get hugely irritated at children being on the street. It's a quiet street of Housing association 3 bed family homes and they hate that children like to throw balls around, chalk drawing on the road or pavement and ride bikes around. Christ on a bike they don't half moan about it!

They're the type of neighbour's that simply MUST know what's going on in everyone else's houses. Nosey AF. They stand guard watching every fucking thing. They make comment on everything "Why's No.14 got a new sofa?! They only bought one three years ago!" "I don't know why No.12's DD is visiting. Her mum went out 4 hours ago. There's no one even in!", "Why was Jean from No.25 going into Elsie's at No.30?!"
Who the hell CARES?!?!?! Leave them be!!!

When a house came available on that street and we were looking desperate for a place I couldn't bring myself to say yes and we got a house a couple of streets away. My PILs (bless em) are CFNs and I'm glad they're not ours.

CarrieBradshaw do you live in Bath by any chance? Because this sounds very similar to my OH's NDN!!

Smoke alarm beeping every 30 seconds.

For SIX MONTHS.

When they finally answered the door after numerous tries, notes and even contacting the letting agent: "Oh, is that not normal?" They were living there the whole time with it! But then I called the letting agent again and threatened them with legal action over the stress and that stopped it! I still get on edge of I hear beeping from outside.

I've had a few over the last 30 years
NDN number 1 waited until I was away on holiday to remove some trees in my garden that they thought 'might' have roots which would affect the fence between us - in order to dig out the roots they piled all the waste soil in front of my garage door which I couldn't then open
NDN number 2 decided to spray creosote onto their fence rather than use a brush - only problem is top 18 inches is trellis and my car was the other side - they also caused hundreds of pounds of damage to plants and pots on my patio
NDN number 3 whilst having the keys to my house to feed cat whilst I was on holiday - then decided to borrow a tool belonging to DH which was in shed - found shed keys 'borrowed' tool then locked and promptly lost key to shed so we had to get a locksmith on our return
NDN number 4 lost our house keys whilst we were away so fed cat outside for a week - then asked for refund for cat food despite me having to pay locksmith to change locks as I couldn't be sure where the keys had been lost
NDN number 5 sprayed weed killer on his patio so far through our wire fence that he killed all my fruit bushes and about 1/3 of new lawn
These are all different people though
I no longer allow neighbours keys or ask anyone other than family to look after house or pets when I'm away!

Trivial, but nevertheless annoying. A child that lives on our street (very small cul de sac)

Child: Is xxxx playing?
Me: no sorry he's not
Child: (walks into the house) ok but my mum's going out & she says I can come and play in your house.

Also same child:
Child: (knocks on door & when I answer walks in) Can I use your toilet? I need a poo.
Me: No you need to use your own toilet. You'll be home in 10 seconds.

My house is neither a venue for unplanned childcare or a public lavatory.

My issue tbf is with the mum, not the child. He's just doing what his mum says is ok to do

Our neighbours are pretty good, but they steal our fucking cats.

As soon as our newest (10 now) cat was allowed outside, they were luring him over with treats. He's not a people cat at all, but guess which fucking house he's at more (unless he wants food)?

My neighbour resurrected a right of way that had been closed for over 30 years and no longer needed as the layout of gardens etc has changed.
They removed the fence and rebuilt it with a gate but refused to answer the door until after the work had been completed, the company they used tresspased on our land and cut down things they shouldn't have.
I wish we were a bit more forceful in trying to stop it and had money to fight it, it doesn't even get used

The NDNs at my childhood home have been pretty petty to my parents. Petty crap like building an extension right up to the boundary, then bitching the longstanding bushes and hedges on my parents property blocked the sun in said extension. So my dad got rid of all of it and then they got super bitchy because there was no privacy in the extension/their garden.

Wasting the fire service's time putting in a complaint over a bonfire (which of course the fire service only contacted my parents about long after the bonfire was out) rather than come over and talk to my parents about it.

My mum and the NDN wife haven't spoken in years, they don't even nod and wave while maneuvering their cars past each other, they just look through each other

(this is a good place to ask what is NDN?)

Next door neighbour - NDN
Cheeky Fucker/Fucking Neighbour - CFN

Ugh I think I have a corker.
Where we used to live, the driveway belonged to next door but we had right of access to use it to get to our house.
Next door - a business- let part of their property out to a hairdresser who's patrons began parking on the double yellow lines outside the house and salon or drive way making it impossible for us to get in, I went into the Salon once and asked if the patron who had parked on double yellows half obstructing the driveway could please move and was met with threats of violence by the salon owner. I was 7 months pregnant and had two toddlers with me.