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Original poster

An homage....to the CFN

204 replies

lastkisstoo · 01/08/2017 14:49

In light of recent threads, it has enlightened and amused me no end at the amount of cheeky fuckerdom of the highest order that lives among us.

What is your experience of the CFN?

I will start with mine. The circumstances are not funny at all but her actions raised a smile even then so thank you CFN for a bit of light in the darkness.

My husband died in our home many years ago. After a week or so of me not living there due to the circumstances of his death I had reason to visit the street that we lived. On seeing me out of her window a neighbour from a few doors away ran over to me and asked if she could buy my livingroom blinds 'on account of me not needing them any more' Shock

OP posts:
paxillin · 01/08/2017 14:54

Neighbours at my parents' house put their new fence about 4ft onto my parents' land "to make it easier to walk around the (newly extended) house".

MrTrebus · 01/08/2017 14:54

OMG OP that is horrendous!! I think i would have punched her. Flowers

My neighbour kept not putting their bins out on bin day. They live upstairs in our block but we're ground floor by the bin shed. Had to put the bins out the front each week as otherwise they would stink. He used to see me do it sometimes and say "wow cant believe them across the block just let you do this" but i KNEW it was him. One day their water bill was poking out of one of these bags so i piled up all the bags in front of their front door, posted their water bill through their door with a note and then stayed in my flat listening to the fall out. They are wimps though and never mentioned it again but now ALWAYS put their bins out. Felt like a massive victory.

m4rdybum · 01/08/2017 15:00

Don't have any stories to share, but I am blatantly place marking, because I live for these cheeky fuckers.

HotCookieDough · 01/08/2017 15:06

That PP said just making my mark too GrinWink

Thegirlwithnousername · 01/08/2017 15:09

That's awful OP!
I don't have any to add, damn my nice neighbours but great thread can't wait to read more!

fairgame84 · 01/08/2017 15:09

My neighbour opposite once came knocking on my door to ask why I wasn't at work because she'd not seen my car move for a few days. I work term time and it was the school holidays.
None of her bloody business Angry

RudeDog · 01/08/2017 15:11

Nothing to add, just being nosey!

Welshmaenad · 01/08/2017 15:11

We only have on street parking. I live in a semi, somewhat removed from the rest of the street which is terraced. I am disabled and so is DD and we have a motability car and a blue badge. I put a sign on our fence politely asking the space be kept free due to disabled residents. There are the nicely three spaces outside the semis, one used by next door.

CFNs on end of terraced row have two cars plus a massive fucking campervan. They park the campervan outside their house, and perpetually park their cars outside my house, despite knowing about our difficulties, and the sign. Often they will park both their cars outside my house, completely blocking the accessible to us spaces and forcing us to park up the hill which us a massive struggle for DD and I.

Everybody else is considerate. Everybody. It's just them.

Spuddington · 01/08/2017 15:14

Old CFN used the spare key we'd given them for emergencies to let their builders in. Builders then erected scaffolding in my garden. We were on holiday.

Came back and gave them an hour to get the fucking scaffolding down before I took it down myself. I think the sight of me yelling while brandishing a wrench did the trick.

Fuckers ruined my flowerbeds.

MrTrebus · 01/08/2017 15:17

@Welshmaenad why don't you have a disabled bay marked out for you by the council? You're certainly in need of it by all accounts.

Findmysocks · 01/08/2017 15:21

OP that's absolutely awful! Flowers

My delightful neighbour told me she'd reported us to the council for telling her kids not to jump over the fence and into my garden.
Her reasoning was it was a council owned fence so they could jump over and come into my garden whenever they liked. I was Shock Hmm

The reason the kids aren't allowed over is that they chase, tease and throw things at my dog.

HotCookieDough · 01/08/2017 15:22

@Welshmaenad I agree with @MrTrebus get one marked out because if they park here in future then they'll get fined

Finola1step · 01/08/2017 15:22

My MIL had been moved to a hospice and was in her final days. My DH quite rightly packed a bag and went to stay with her until the end. After about a week, CFN spots me in the street (she does not know about MIL). We get chatting and she asks after DH. I tell her a little bit about what is happening. Her response was "Oh, I hadn't seen his car parked in your drive for ages, I thought he'd left you". No condolences, no sympathy just gossip hunting. I steer clear now.

Welshmaenad · 01/08/2017 15:24

Our council does not do disabled bays in residential parking areas. At all. Otherwise I'd be on it!

inaclearingstandsaboxer · 01/08/2017 15:28

I used to be a district nurse. I had just moved house and I was sat exhausted on my sofa after a hard day. No curtains up yet.

Knock on the door

Folk down the road had walked past, seen me and came to demand I make a house visit to their daughter who had a headache.
I refused
They got cross as they believed the paid my wages ....

ncbacktoblack · 01/08/2017 15:28

I was very ill and few weeks ago and had two ambulances out in two days. No neighbours knocked to see if I needed anything but when I was well enough to take the dog for a walk, two separate neighbours cornered me to pointedly ask all the gory details - purely for gossip, not because they give a shit.

I took a smug pleasure in saying 'I'm fine now, thanks for not asking and leaving them with no details whatsoever.

Hissy · 01/08/2017 15:29

Welshmaenad Write to your MP about this, it's ridiculous that you are made to suffer like this!

FooFighter99 · 01/08/2017 15:34

No experience of CFN but we had a NNDN (Nightmare Next Door Neighbour) who was a schizophrenic and was very often off his meds. We'd hear him arguing with himself through the wall, shouting and screaming and banging around. He'd play football in his back garden and if the ball came over he'd just leap over the 7ft wall like he was bloody Spiderman, grab his ball, then leap back over! Used to scare the shit out of me if I was home on my own.

One night, about 9pm, when DH (then boyfriend) was at work, NNDN was hammering on the front door and window, demanding I let him in. I hid like a scared little girl and prayed for him to fuck off!

He also had an altercation in the backs (where we parked our car) with DH in front of DH's 8 year old DD, which scared her so badly she refused to come to ours afterwards.

Needless to say, we moved out pretty sharpish! Only lived there 6 months...

Apparently NNDN was a know drug dealer so I think we had a lucky escape!

AllToadsLeadToHome · 01/08/2017 15:38

I lived on a corner, on the next corner was a 'hotel' which had been a hotel but was more of a doss house at the time. We were not supposed to leave rubbish on the streets unless it was collection day. People from the hotel kept leaving it around the side of the Mews that ran between us and the hotel.

Some busybody picked it up and put it on our steps, I moved it every time and put it on the pavement where it should have been left. In the end I took it off and put it by the hotel steps (not on the steps) and the hotel owner came out and yelled at me, telling me to move 'my' rubbish. Wouldn't let me speak, just shouted over me when I tried to explain. It went on for some time. I stood on my steps and watched him going redder and redder and then turned and walked into the house, he yelled at me to come back and move 'my' rubbish so I went back out.

I moved it, opened it, removed the post addressed to the hotel, photographed it all and reported it to the council who were very strict about rubbish. It didn't happen again.His fault for telling his staff to put their crap by our steps instead of in their bin store.

A while later, had moved and was driving home one night to see that the hotel was on fire. (Nothing to do with me).

Original poster
lastkisstoo · 01/08/2017 15:40

MrTrebus I was too shocked to react at all. It was only much later when my friends were discussing her gall that I realised what she had actually said!

Good on you for standing up to your neighbour I'm not sure I would have had the courage to put a note so they knew it was me!

Welshmaenad Please listen to the advice here, you should without a doubt have a private parking space I've never heard of a council not allowing them! I'm sure your local MP would take this up for you Flowers

Jeez Spuddington I can't believe they didn't have the decency to at least ask you first! I hope they paid for the damage to your flower bed. Cheeky fuckers indeed Shock

Even if they were perfectly behaved Findmysocks I'm still Shock that she thought that was reasonable!

ncbacktoblack hope you are on the mend Flowers

Keep them coming people these are great Grin

OP posts:
caoraich · 01/08/2017 15:44

When I was a kid, we moved into a house where our NDN were at full scale parking war with their neighbours opposite. It would DEFINITELY have extended to multiple MN threads had there been 90s MN!

The CFNs were the opposite ones. They had a double garage and double drive, both of which they'd painstakingly laid with parquet and painted for Hmm reasons. They parked their two cars at either side of the drive which made it hard for NDN to reverse into their drive and impossible for NDN to park anywhere BUT their single car (no garage) drive. CFNs would go over and complain if they were out and NDN parked outside their own house.

One Christmas it all came to a head. CFNs were both out when NDNs grown-up kids arrived, and quite reasonably parked outside their parents' house- one over the drive and one next to it. The CNFs arrived home and LOST the plot.

We were meant to be eating dinner but gave up and spent about half an hour hanging out of our living room window watching CFNs scream at NDNs, threaten to smash up their cars and NDNs phoned the police! We lived in a really nice neighbourhood so the police apparently thought getting phoned there on christmas day was a prank!

This led to years of ongoing parking wars which escalated when I learned to drive, got a wee job, bought a car and started parking it outside mum and dad's house (we only had 2 car drive). This meant that CFNs couldn't park on the road to the left of their drive when I was there as it would block the road and they ended up buying a third car which they kept taxed and insured just so it could always be in that spot!

I've occasionally wondered if the CFNery is still going on with whoever my parents sold the house to!

Bringbackpublicfloggings · 01/08/2017 15:47

When we found out my dad was terminally ill, CFN knocked on the door and asked if she could put her name down to have the dining table and chairs after he dies.. My response was slightly violent!

Original poster
lastkisstoo · 01/08/2017 15:49

Wow caoraich

You have to wonder at how empty some people's lives must be that they would become so obsessed with a parking space when they clearly had more than enough Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
lastkisstoo · 01/08/2017 15:50

I think you may have lived in my street Bringbackpublicfloggings Flowers

OP posts:
blacksax · 01/08/2017 15:51

Following a terse 'discussion' between me and CFN about her incessantly howling dogs, I was in my back garden later that day, weeding a flower bed.

CFN let her dogs out into her garden, where they made their usual infuriating hysterical racket, and then she said "I think I'm going to buy Blacksax some ear plugs, then she won't hear you barking, will she?".