To refuse to give my 16 DD £

[pleasingone]

We're going on holiday soon. I have two DD's 16&13.
Eldest DD just worked really hard for GCSES and finished school in June. We've been asking her to get a job as the bank of Mum has to close.
She was given a financial reward at the end of the exams to get clothes for college or whatever she wanted. I don't feel she has looked hard enough for a job. She has been enjoying the summer with friends mainly on the beach.
I've just given 13 YO DD money to buy holiday clothes and have so far said no to the 16 YO DD.
Am I mean treating them differently or is this part & parcel of growing up and sorting things out for yourself?
When did other people stop bank rolling their teenagers?

Thanks

I understand where you're coming from and it is important that teenagers start to learn how to make money and budget etc but at the same time she is only 16. She's still a child.

Her time is up. Play her the "countdown" music.

I agree with Lunar sorry. She is only 16.

Eldest is almost 18. We will continue to "bank roll" him at least until he finishes school next summer.

Yabu, she's only 16 and is going to college soon. She's on summer holiday.

Bank rolling

She is 16. Still a child.

Is there any reason you can't continue to support her? Other than her age!

She's 16 and a child, it's really mean to stop purchasing her clothes etc. What next, food?

There are few jobs for a 16 year old, she'll have more change of work when she's 18.

I know its tough when you are on a low income and child benefit stops, but its not their problem.

If you are still claiming child benefit under her name, then I think you should be providing her with some money at least

She has only left school under 2 months give the girl a break she is still your child however if she has money for clothes then she should contribute if she us going to college you are still going to have to keep her a job isn't easy to come by give her ti
L after the holiday then start putting your foot down.

YABU if I had the money I would continue to buy clothes etc whilst quietly encouraging her to look for work for extra spends on herself. I think if she has done well in her GCSEs I would be happy to give her a summer of leisure.

I think I would still be treating them the same and give her the same as her sister. She's only just done her GCSE's and is going back to college in September. I wouldn't really consider her self sufficient yet and self funding! What kind of job were you expecting? A summer job or are you expecting her to work and self fund through college too? I would be expecting to fund mine until at least 18 if they are in education, and any extra picked up from summer jobs/part time work would be hers for extras.

Her cb won't stop till september and might carry on depending the college course

I would give her some holiday money, the same as your other DD otherwise you will all have a miserable holiday.
Then suggest she starts looking for a little job afterwards. Tell her when you are stopping the pocket money- end of August for example.

Yabu. She's 16; you're not bankrolling her. You are looking after your child FGS.

My DS1 is 17 and has a weekend/summer job. I still buy him regular clothes like jeans and t shirts etc but if he wants particular designer stuff or band merchandise then he buys it himself. Similarly shoes - I spend £20-30 on a pair of shoes for myself and the other DCs. DS1 wants £70 shoes so he buys his own. If he wants some basic slumming it shoes I'll buy them.

I honk money earned should be for going out and general personal stuff, whereas clothes and shoes are like food, basics are covered but if they want to go out with friends they buy their own dinner.

While still getting not for my eldest, I paid for normal things, clothing shoes ect as needed, this was because the DHSS still classed her as a child, if you gave her some pocket money for this, I would still do it, but as to going out and fun stuff, tell her that is extra and if she wants money for that, up to her to pay for it herself.

I am not considering not giving her any money at all. Of course I will support her throughout education and as much as I can if she hopefully goes to university.
I think I should have been clearer that I mean the extras like cash each time she pops into town with friends, cash for new clothes frequently, cash as she wants to meet a friend in costa for coffee, cash for the gym, it goes on..
Perhaps I should set her a monthly budget and let her manage it as well as encourage her to get a job

Yabu. She's 16; you're not bankrolling her. You are looking after your child FGS.

This ^ when mine left school they got jobs quick, DD already had a job, but I still supported them. My eldest DD is 17 now and we'll be going out at the weekend to do shopping for our holiday and I will be paying most of it.

Also, you're still going to get child benefit for her until she leaves college.

My parents made me start paying for my own essentials (lunch, toiletries, "normal" clothes etc) when I turned 16 to encourage me to get a job. I ended up working 2 evenings a week plus both weekend days on top of going to college full time (out the house 7am-7pm). I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in hospital. As a result my brother wasn't allowed to get a job at all until he had finished uni!

I think there's a happy medium. Pay for her essentials - including clothes she NEEDS (i.e. her trainers have holes, she's grown out of her swimming costume etc) and encourage her to get a job for luxuries.

She totally needs an allowance (weekly / monthly) that she can manage herself.

I don't understand how some people think it's that easy for a 16 year old to 'just get a job'. There's less going for kids than adults, and even adults usually have to fight tooth and nail for jobs these days.

How is cutting her off the moment she finishes her GCSEs fair? That's not even the end of compulsory education anymore. If she was 18 I'd be more understanding of your view, but not 16, not in this day and age.

If you still believe this is the best life lesson for her, I hope you're helping her find good employment. Helping her write CVs and applications, going through suitable jobs, thinking of a small business she could do herself (babysitting or cleaning for example), explain how you have gained employment though life etc. Hope you haven't just told her to 'get on with it' without a helping hand.

Cross post - a monthly budget sounds like a good idea! Then she can supplement it with her own earnings.

I think setting her a monthly budget is a good idea op. Will help her learn that money is not bottomless. I wouldn't be cutting her out completely and I don't consider it bankrolling to support your child.

Jobs for 16 year olds are hard to come by though. Mumsnet will try and tell you differently but realistically the majority of 16 year olds don't find work.

A lot of workplaces are now 'not insured' for workers under 18 and some- like Build a Bear for example, where you will be around children- also require a DBS check. So unless you personally know of multiple jobs she could have applied for but didn't, it's pretty unreasonable.