To refuse to give my 16 DD £

[pleasingone]

We're going on holiday soon. I have two DD's 16&13.
Eldest DD just worked really hard for GCSES and finished school in June. We've been asking her to get a job as the bank of Mum has to close.
She was given a financial reward at the end of the exams to get clothes for college or whatever she wanted. I don't feel she has looked hard enough for a job. She has been enjoying the summer with friends mainly on the beach.
I've just given 13 YO DD money to buy holiday clothes and have so far said no to the 16 YO DD.
Am I mean treating them differently or is this part & parcel of growing up and sorting things out for yourself?
When did other people stop bank rolling their teenagers?

Thanks

the bank of Mum has to close

Delightful. She is only 16 ffs. Still a child that you chose to have. You are responsible for her.

My mother was like that, I got a job rather than go to college as I wanted to because she wanted the rent, she then took most of my wages for rent despite being well off enough to not need to and now we have a very strained relationship.

Our 16 year old DD gets £23 a week.
That comes from her small job, us and GP's. That's purely entertainment/make up/social travel etc. Bus fares to college, dinner money, clothes, holiday spends and the like are extra.
Tbf she doesn't ask for the expensive trainers/designer gear randomly etc she buys them with Christmas/birthday money. We also put £10 on her phone a month. She normally helps hang washing out and empties the odd bin if you ask nicely.

Yabu. She's 16; you're not bankrolling her. You are looking after your child FGS.

^^ This. But it's not unreasonable to give her a set monthly allowance and will teach her important skills.

Hate to break it to you, but if she goes to uni, she'll need support into her 20s. And that's still not 'bankrolling' - it's basic parenting.

It's extremely difficult for 16-17 year olds to find jobs in many areas, especially in the holidays when everyone is looking. Perhaps help her with a few applications?

A 16yo should have a saturday or holiday job, definitely - it builds character and really helps kids' organisation and time management skills even if they go on to do A Levels etc. But you should still be paying for her expenses - just give her a strict budget and if she wants more she has to get a job.

Fluffy, it's sad isn't it how some just can't wait for their children to be 16 and no longer a financial burden on them. Lots want rent too which can determine the path the child takes.

Rather than force her out and into work, I'd celebrate the fact that she studied hard and will hopefully go on to have a career after college and uni.

I think until your DD is actually able to stand on her own two feet you shouldn't treat her very differently to your younger DD, the resentment it would cause would be unbearable to live with. As long as they are living at home and in education they should be treated equally. 16 is a good time to start allowing them more agency over their own finances, not a good time to cut them off. A set monthly allowance is a good idea, my friends who had this and had to buy their own toiletries, travel,clothes etc were much better at managing money than those of us who didn't have the experience of having to manage their own finances.

MN has strange ideas about teenagers being able to find work, I did have a job from 13, but it was voluntary and unpaid until I was 16 and then it was only £15 a week in term time, none of my friends had jobs as they were impossible to find. I live in a town with a huge student population so any jobs that would be suitable for a teenager are filled by students who obviously have more flexibility with shifts than school children. Adults have enough trouble finding work, a teen with few qualifications and no experience has even less chance of finding paid work. I struggled to even find places that were insured to have under 18s for work experience, I ended up commuting 45mins to the nearest city for mine, a lot of my peers couldn't get work experience at all. Encouraging your child to get a job is all well and good but berating them if they can't and stating that you had a job in 1984 aged 14 so they should too doesn't reflect the world we currently live in.

Well from age 14, we gave ours the equivalent of the child benefit [about £80 per month] and that was it. We bought all basic clothes and shoes but if they wanted anything labelled that we weren't prepared to buy they bought it themselves out of the allowance. £20 a week isn't that much for a 16 year old but enough for them to work out that if they go to the cinema and swimming one week for example, then they won't also have enough to go out for dinner with friends in the same week. We also made them responsible for buying their own birthday and Christmas presents for friends.Good luck!

My DDs have had their own bank accounts for 2 years now - they are 14 and 16. They get a set amount each month for all their non-school clothes, going out, presents for friends and so on. They've got very good at budgeting.

I don't expect my 16yo to get a job, I'd rather she got a head start on her A-level reading and got some serious rest after a very tough year at school.

Fluffypinkpajamas
the bank of Mum has to close
No intention of asking her to pay rent. She plans on higher education.

In terms of amounts, I only have what I got (ahem) years ago. Apparently it would be £35 in today's money, which is not a lot. However I supplemented with my earnings, and took over buying most of my clothes. From ages 16-19 I had serious disposal income! :) I am afraid to admit that I only saved £1k towards university, the rest was on experiences...

I would expect for her to struggle a bit in the first few months in terms of adjusting to handling her own cash but stay strong! You can help by being clear what the money needs to cover, what you'd expect to cover and that you won't bail out! You might share expenses like gym or phone. Encourage her to think 'what does this money need to do before I get my next bit of income' eg has she got a friend's birthday coming up, any trips she wants to do so she has less likelihood of just splurging it all.

I got a job at 16 and I would encourage my children to do the same.

Retail Saturday jobs seem to come available in September, but she could be still putting in her CV

YANBU We are not too badly off but I made it clear to both of mine that at 16 they needed to get a part time job. They wanted to go to festivals and off to visit exhibitions with their friends and I was not willing to pay for all that they wanted to do. DS1 immediately got a job with a supermarket on the check outs. He worked every Saturday and Sunday (I thought it was too much) for 2 years and then got into Oxford with good grades. DS2 worked in a local restaurant that he could walk to, he got a good degree from a northern redbrick and was offered a job that he started within a week of graduating. I think the work ethic the jobs instilled has helped them enormously. In most areas there is a "Jobs in Xville" Facebook page and with our local one 16 year olds post for weekend work and get snapped up by tea shops, small retailers etc.

Yanbu. I had a job at 16 to fund myself.

I give my ds (16years) an allowance of £100 a month which is his share of the child benefit and some money he allegedly earns for walking the dog although he rarely actually does. He is meant to be looking for a part time job but has done little towards it, just handed in one application for a job which he knows doesn't start until the schools are back !! I am losing patience with him a little. My eldest ds ( 18yrs) is the opposite and has always been highly motivated to get jobs - paper round as soon as he turned 13 , has been cleaning toilets at his school for the past 2 years whilst in the sixth form and now taking a year out before going to Uni and has applied for loads of jobs and got one fairly quickly.

Well back in the day I started full time employment at 16 in the September. When I left school in the May I got a weekend job to pay for my holidays with my parents in the July.

It was the first time I had been away with them on my own without my two older Sister's and my weekend wage wasn't much but I did have a little bit of money that I had earned myself.

They did sub me but would never have done so if all three of us were with them. My lovely late DM was scrupulous down to the last penny about giving each of us exactly the same, no matter our age and my wonderful parents were far from well off.

They both passed away before I had my own DS and I wish every day I could tell them it is only now how much I truly appreciate how hard they worked. Sorry to derail. Just got me a bit teary!

My parents expected me to fund any extras from the age of 13. Their view was I was old enough to get a paper round, so if I wanted anything I had to work. I had two paperrounds and then as soon as I finished school I also had three nights a week as a potwash. Throughout my three years at college (one doing A levels and then switching to a vocational btec) I worked all the time.

I ended my BTEC doing far worse than I should have done because the focus was on me earning money (my parents took £75.00 a week off me in board) by the time I had bought my essentials paid them I had barely anything left. In the end I was working 7 days a week and college on top of that.

Allow your daughter this summer to do what she wants, and then maybe look at one evening a week so she can treat herself.

At 16 we paid to fill our son's gas tanks on Sunday evening as they drove to and from school and gave them a weekly allowance to 'live on'. It was up to them to make their 'resources' last the week. Once they learnt to 'budget' on a weekly basis we moved it to bi-weekly (similar to getting a paycheck). One son got a little job to have more money to spend as he wanted to be able to go out more, the other stretched his allowance to make it last until the next 'pay day' by doing without meals out or such. Both learnt valuable lessons in managing their money.

Tricky, because it's really bloody hard to find a job for teenagers now - I was always employed one way or another from about 14+ but even then only bits here and there, then a regular shop job at 16.

But those are hard to find at 16 now. However; the monthly budget is a great idea, that's what I had - whatever I could earn plus I think I got something like £30 a month to pay for spends, clothes, etc. My mum still bought basic stuff like supermarket shampoo and would treat me to fancier things sometimes, but it was a treat not an expectation, and if I wanted £17 hairdresser shampoo that was on me to pay for.

I think you're being unfair. Do you think it's easy to suddenly learn the motivation and confidence it takes to go out and get a job? I'd be giving her a few years to understand how it all works and get a feel for earning and being responsible. At 16-18 I think pt jobs are cash for the teenager to spend how they wish on extras but basics and normal clothing should still be covered.

We've all been ther and looking back a pt job is just a case of walk in, get accepted and do as youre told but it is very alien a process and situation for most teens doing it for the first time.

I give my 17 year old 100 a month

I don't want her to get a job as she has a horse and I would prefer she used her spare time to look after and ride it plus do school work.

Nowhere hires 16 year olds. Desperate 40+ year olds do the menial, low paid work 16 year olds used to do. They can't sell alcohol and their working hours are curtailed. Employers get nothing very beneficial for hiring them when an adult is willing to do it.

were in the country are you lot from in thinking getting a job at 16 is easy?

In the midlands where i am most jobs 16 year old did when most of you were 16 are now being taken by full adults withs years of experence my friend is a manager at a large supermarket every signle job going they get 100+ applications with most having years of experence, she would be silly to employ a no experence 16 year old when they have a pick of the crop with adults with years under the belt.

Its why this goverment suggested young people should work for free with big companies to get a foot in the door with experence much like internships

You should give her some money. A 16 year old is not truly an adult, otherwise they would be able to drive, or gamble in Ladbrokes, or decide to buy cigarettes.

It's not always easy for a 16 year old to waltz into a job either, unless a relative pulls a few strings.

Think too of the message it sends to your younger child: "Work hard for your exams and you'll get fuck all from me."

See you didn't say all that you were talking about holiday clothes money no you don't need to be doling out money here there and everywhere give her an allotted allowance and once its gone it's gone

Fluffy, it's sad isn't it how some just can't wait for their children to be 16 and no longer a financial burden on them. Lots want rent too which can determine the path the child takes

Definitely. I was forced into an adult world of work with no people skills as homelife was "difficult" and really had no clue. It certainly affected the way my life went until I met DH and married, luckily. We always paid for our DC through UniversityI too and all though they've all done well, will still happily pay for stuff.

OP I did not say YOU were panning on charging her rent but you DID say bank of mum is closed and actually as she's going to college, YOU will still be receiving child benefit payments for her!