To refuse to give my 16 DD £

[pleasingone]

We're going on holiday soon. I have two DD's 16&13.
Eldest DD just worked really hard for GCSES and finished school in June. We've been asking her to get a job as the bank of Mum has to close.
She was given a financial reward at the end of the exams to get clothes for college or whatever she wanted. I don't feel she has looked hard enough for a job. She has been enjoying the summer with friends mainly on the beach.
I've just given 13 YO DD money to buy holiday clothes and have so far said no to the 16 YO DD.
Am I mean treating them differently or is this part & parcel of growing up and sorting things out for yourself?
When did other people stop bank rolling their teenagers?

Thanks

You're being really tight ! The poor girl has just left school and I'm assuming has worked hard towards her gcse's? Plus is going to college in September .Cut her some slack.
I would ask her to continue the job search ,enjoy her summer ,get her to do more around the house and provide for her financially.
She has just left school.

You're being incredibly mean. It's extremely hard to get a job these days, especially when you're 16 and have no or little work experience.

In the eyes of the law you are legally bound to be responsible for your child until they are 17 or until they finish full time education, whichever is later. If you're relatively well off and she genuinely can't find work then IMO you should give her the money for the clothes, especially if she worked hard for her GCSEs.

YABU it really isn't as easy as it once was to get a summer job. They barely exist anymore. No one wants to train someone for two months wot.

*work

It doesn't sound U, no. Sounds like you've taken idea of allowance on so she can learn to budget-a v important lesson before getting a term's student loan upfront in week one of uni if that is in her plans! If you are seaside location, not U either to expect her to be able to find summer work. Appreciate it's not the same all over the country, but no harm in her learning that fliting off to Nando's w mates is not paid for by lying on the beach. Cut your cloth to fit and all that.... She's 'only' 16 seems to be common theme. No wonder we have so many adults with no pension and massive c card debt. No harm in helping her to budget now OP, it's a decent parenting task!

Of course you're not being unreasonable. We are all soft touches with our kids which does them no good at all. Have just bankrolled my 21 year old when he did soft puppy eyes at me. Need to be much stricter. He's now gone out! So don't listen to me!

These days It's so much harder for a 16 year old to get a job than it was in my day. My mum pushed me to work through school and I always felt guilty and a sense that I couldn't enjoy things. I think your daughter worked hard in her GCSEs. She'll never have this much freedom and lack of responsibility ever again. Let her enjoy it because it sure is brief.

My parents still support me at 23 because I'm going through university and they've never forced me into a job seeing how much uni knocks me down, so I don't see why a 16 year old should HAVE to.

Yes, I'm well aware of responsibilities and I want to not rely on my parents, but I can't physically handle holding down a job and university at the same time. I'm lucky my parents know just how difficult uni is despite having not gone themselves and that I don't need the stress of a job as well.

Let her be a kid while she still can. If she's expecting £50 every week for shopping then yeah, that's ridiculous, but up until 18 my mum gave me the £20 a week she got from child allowance and I would either put it in my bank or save it or go spend it.

When I was 16, I had a PT job, crap money (30 pounds a week). My parents gave me no money. I wore my older sisters hand me downs. Bought my own toiletries and paid rent from that money..
I learnt nothing...other than my family gave no fucks

Not read whole thread.

Yes I had my first job at 14 but that was 30 years ago and the laws have tightened up a lot.

Supermarkets won't hire as they can't sell booze, knives, glue etc without a nod from a supervisor. There's also restrictions on lifting and carrying/moving heavy items.

Same problem applies to licensed restaurants,

So places that CAN take on under 18's are inundated. There's only so many jobs to go round.

In addition many adults are taking on extra jobs of a few hours because in the current economy they NEED to.

My dd gets a £100 pm allowance which is when you think about it her child benefit rounded up a bit.

That's for 'luxuries' I cover necessities/basics. If she wants to eat out, go cinema/bowling/day trip, but fancy clothes/shoes, make up, jewellery, gadgets, phone cases and the like it has to come out of her allowance.

She's 16. How can a 16 year-old support themselves on £4.05 ph? I really don't understand.

I've worked since I was 13, and look back and think it was way too much too soon. My son is now 16 and I am encouraging him to get something part time, its good to build a work ethic and improve working and social skills, the money is a secondary issue and I will be encouraging him to save as much of it as possible for uni. There has to be a happy medium I think, I definitely believe I was worked too hard too young and wouldn't want that for my son, but my 16 year old is a bit of a lazy sod and will soon be encouraged to get off his computer and do a bit of work outside the house.

So while I totally understand this "tough love" approach ... job hunting ( with the best will in the world) is a bitch!

I looked for the last three months with almost ten years of administrative and chef experience to find a suitable job that would hire me.

So a 16 year old, just out of school, with no knowledge of interviews, how to dress for them etc is going to struggle.

If you are so insistent on not rolling out money and feel that she is a adult why don't you leave her at home ? Oh wait that's because she is a MINOR

Wow just wow give her whatever she needs its your job. You are her mother at least pretend to love her more than yourself

If you have only now considered setting an allowance for budgeting purposes, you are starting late. She does need to find work (which isn't easy), but she needs her allowance. If eligible why not start her off with her child benefit money.

When I was getting pocket money I got around £15 a week. Five off my parents and ten off my grandparents. I wasn't especially social in my early teens so often this would be saved towards shoes and handbags and food etc.
When I was sixteen I really wanted a job as I wanted to feel like I was earning my own money. The way I did it was to go to a recruitment agency as did a few of my friends and we all got shifts at a sports venue waitressing. This enabled me to get my permanent waitressing job at a pub.
I put my first paycheck towards fuel into the car I shared with my dad.
The following summer I was fortunate in that my mums work needed some really mundane jobs doing and they employed me to do work that the other workers would never get the opportunity to complete. This gave me about 400/500 pounds which I put towards a solo trip over to family in America when I was 18.
It changed me as a person working at a young age and made my parents proud of me. Although it was rubbish sometimes it was worth it for the change of my attitude towards helping out and it's not a bad thing.
I do feel that if I was forced to do it I might not have had the same opinion.

inzooka you're 23 and you can't physically manage uni and part time work? Do you have a health problem or something? I honestly can't imagine any other explanation.
bsbabas you are her mother at least pretend to love her more than yourself. What a stupid shit thing to say.

Yes, I'm well aware of responsibilities and I want to not rely on my parents, but I can't physically handle holding down a job and university at the same time

What the hell are you studying???

Graphista
Supermarkets won't hire as they can't sell booze, knives, glue etc without a nod from a supervisor

Not true half our sixth form work in the local supermarkets. I worked in supermarkets and the laws have only changed wrt cigarettes which are sold at a separate counter anyway

I am not disputing it being harder to get jobs and think necessary clothes, toiletries are Ops responsibility but funding an active social life with a bottomless pot of money seems unreasonable and actually lazy parenting. An allowance which allows some social life that's reasonable is clearly the way to go.

When I was 16 with a job we still mainly hung around at each others houses or just in the town centre we didn't have regular trips to nandos and coffee shops because we couldn't afford it. These things were treats.

My DD has had a part-time job since the day she turned 16. She works 18 hours a week (most of it on the weekend) and has an average of almost £600 a month to take home in the holidays and about £250 a month in term time. She attends college in the week.

I think it's fair to buy her whatever she NEEDS as she is still my responsibility but anything she just WANTS, she pays for herself. She's saving up for a car right now.

I wouldn't put up with laziness just for the sake of it but neither would I cut her off financially just because she's 16 and has a job.

FWIW, a very well known supermarket pays £7.50 an hour for 16 year olds and is very keen to recruit them as a means of getting them into the organisation at a young age and training them up. They're particularly interested in kids with potential to join their management training scheme after A levels or Uni.

She is still a child, just because they complete school so early ok this country they're expected to act and be like adults. She lives under your roof and you should still support her. It's different if she was older had a job but no longer has one and is back staying at yours until she gets back on her feet. She's only just completed school. (There's this whole rush to get them away as soon as they're born into preschool etc, then in to school early, then out of your house to work as soon as possible. Crazy how most of this country view having children. Just saying.)

@wonderingstar01 which supermarket?