To refuse to give my 16 DD £

[pleasingone]

We're going on holiday soon. I have two DD's 16&13.
Eldest DD just worked really hard for GCSES and finished school in June. We've been asking her to get a job as the bank of Mum has to close.
She was given a financial reward at the end of the exams to get clothes for college or whatever she wanted. I don't feel she has looked hard enough for a job. She has been enjoying the summer with friends mainly on the beach.
I've just given 13 YO DD money to buy holiday clothes and have so far said no to the 16 YO DD.
Am I mean treating them differently or is this part & parcel of growing up and sorting things out for yourself?
When did other people stop bank rolling their teenagers?

Thanks

Does she not get pocket money? Mine DC get £50pcm plus a generous phone allowance and extra money for clothes, friends' birthday outings and a bit extra for holiday spending. Their monthly money is supposed to cover the occasional cinema trip or lunch with friends, coffees, sweets, magazines etc. Small stuff. But if they want any big items they have to get a paper round or sell old toys and clothes.

AnathemaPulsifer

Tesco.

What the hell are you studying???

Zoology with mental illnesses and physical illnesses that had me hospitalised last time I tried after a mental and physical breakdown of my body because there was far too much stress being piled on me and nobody would believe me that I was struggling, turns out I'm actually dyscalculic which is why I've always had major problems with maths and struggled so much grasping statistics

It's great that your kid could do all of that from 15. I couldn't. I've been actively suicidal since 15. I can't even physically handle working right now.

Give her an allowance but really work out what you would spend normally and give 70% of it to her. Be very clear what it covers. She's more than old enough to learn.

I fully expect to support mine until they are working full time They both get an allowance and are encouraged to budget but I would not see them minis out on an outing with pals due to lack of a tenner
They have all of their lives to work
Supporting them is the main reason I work !

The childhood is very short and she has years of working ahead of her. 16 is still very young and a budget would be good, You seem to have changed your tune when we disagreed with you, I would be happy that my child was out with friends enjoying her summer.

Tralaaa

*You seem to have changed your time when we disagreed with you.
*
No. The thread is actually very divided. It's been interesting. I'm going to follow advice of many of the commenters and set a budget / allowance.
If you'd read my updates you'd have realised I was asking if other people paid unlimited meals, cinema trips, clothes, coffees etc, this is my concern.
I want my DC to be balanced young adults who aren't over indulged, have a sense of entitlement and expect to have everything given to them and to enjoy things that are given to them. She will have enough money to do the things she wants to if she plans it, she will have the option of finding a Saturday job to supplement it if she wants to.

I gave mine a monthly allowance when they were sixteen (this is a few years ago) and from it they bought anything that wasn;t basic provisions (ie I bought necessary clothing, underwear, swimwear, school/college wear, but if they wanted fancy trainers for example that would be down to them).
My DS also worked every holidays and weekends and the odd evening during term time - he was a big spender and liked his clothes, after shaves, social life etc. so he was able to buy those and not have to ask me.
DD worked less hours, but she never wanted much money so was happy with that - less interested in clothes and material stuff than DS.

I paid for activities such as music classes, drama classes. But social stuff like going to the swimming pool with friends or cinema they paid for themselves.

They get quite good at managing their budgets and in fact I think most kids like the independence it gives them - I never questioned what mine bought (as long as it wasn't illegal !) or commented if they splashed out on something I thought was daft - it was their money their choice.And they both grown up into reasonably financially sensible adults.

At 16 I got a weekend job and I used they money to buy make up, non essentials, bus fare in to town with friends and used it for holiday spend. My mum still bought my main clothes and paid for my college bus fare. When I was given my family allowance (which was £5/ week) I started buying my own clothes. I think A reward for good results/hard work is separate from buying a 16 year old clothes

Kurrikurri - sounds perfect balance to me. I think I'll do the same when my get to that age

15 baby sitting and 16 part time job, school and volunteering. Working and volunteering is not just about the money, it's about meeting other people, building confidence, trying new things. I think at that age or before you should help out at home with chores, or with the extended family or friends, neighbours etc

Blimey, as a student doing a 4 year degree I went to uni in the day then stacked shelves on Friday night til 10 and all day on Sat til 10 too AND kept my own home too as I'd got married halfway through my course.

DD is 16 and has been asked if she'd like to find a job, but not expected to. She has worked her socks off for the last 2 years, revising over and above and I do think she deserved some down time. Then, we went away for a week at the start of the hols so she couldn't really find something then sod off for a week. And she will be going to college for A levels, so it makes more sense for her to settle in to her timetable and then look for something - especially as a lot of part time jobs around here will then be empty with students who've gone back to uni.

BUT she gets by on £20 a month with her phone and clothes (nothing extravagant) and toilettries paid for by us. She will be given some money towards driving lessons but won't have a car/insurance etc gifted to her.

I do think that there are some young people who are being brought up being given a large amount of money for essentially doing nothing who will struggle to cope when it comes to the time they are working at their first basic jobs, earning not very much and having to support themselves - or will the bank of Mum and Dad continue to bank role them? I don't know.

I do think that there are some young people who are being brought up being given a large amount of money for essentially doing nothing who will struggle to cope when it comes to the time they are working at their first basic jobs, earning not very much and having to support themselves - or will the bank of Mum and Dad continue to bank role them?

Well let's hope not. Plenty of young people have been helped through uni and gone on to successfully work and support themselves without the expectation that mum and dad will pay for everything.

Certainly my teens are clever enough to understand that financial support while they are finding their feet and going through further education is just that.

I do think that there are some young people who are being brought up being given a large amount of money for essentially doing nothing who will struggle to cope when it comes to the time they are working at their first basic jobs, earning not very much and having to support themselves - or will the bank of Mum and Dad continue to bank role them?

I disagree that young people will have a problem and struggle if they have been generously supported. Ok my evidence is limited and I was often critised on these boards sir the amount of money I gave my kids ( £20 a week pocket money from the age of 12 but I paid for their toiletries, clothes, phone, sports etc). DH also gave them ' top up ' money to make sure they always had some money about them.
DS1 is now 21 and has been earning a decent wage for a few years now. DH likes to make sure that he is sorted and offers to pay for his car insurance or make sure he is alright for money. DS budgets well and hardly ever accepts so we treat him and his girlfriend for meals out or the occasional weekend away.
DS2 is exactly the same. He had the same amount of pocket money + extras. Although he is at college he will 'work ' his dad in his are time when he can. He jokes its to earn his keep and he says he does it to help his dad out rather than needing money. Again he budgets well and doesn't squander it.

My sisters lad is the same. Lots of money from bank of step dad but once he became an adult and was working didn't expect or want their money and takes sis and his step dad out for tea regularly or pays for his DSDad tickets when they go to a football match.
Just because you are generous parents doesn't mean that they turn into entitled adults. I have seen them grow into generous lovely people who aren't tight with their own money and like to share with their family. DS1 is 21 , DS2 is 18 and my nephew is 25.

I have had a job since I was 16 for anything like makeup, or branded toiletries that are too expensive. Any clothes that are non-essential I payed for. I did a-levels, and a 2 year course at college I managed quite fine. Worked as a pot wash, then McDonald's as the flexibility was great around school, I also worked in a care home while at college. I still had a social life, and I loved buying hints with my money. My mum still treated me, but I got the majority of anything non-essential. I think you are right, work ethic is deteriorating imho

I was well supported through school and college. I left to work abroad the week I left college and had no trouble going from totally supported to independent. I'd say the same for many of my friends who I know were well supported financially by their parents.