To refuse to give my 16 DD £

[pleasingone]

We're going on holiday soon. I have two DD's 16&13.
Eldest DD just worked really hard for GCSES and finished school in June. We've been asking her to get a job as the bank of Mum has to close.
She was given a financial reward at the end of the exams to get clothes for college or whatever she wanted. I don't feel she has looked hard enough for a job. She has been enjoying the summer with friends mainly on the beach.
I've just given 13 YO DD money to buy holiday clothes and have so far said no to the 16 YO DD.
Am I mean treating them differently or is this part & parcel of growing up and sorting things out for yourself?
When did other people stop bank rolling their teenagers?

Thanks

16 is too young. Realistically, what job would she get during the summer holidays? But absolutely give her a budget.

Jobs I had at 16: waitress at a cafe, then supermarket. Has your dd applied to all the main supermarkets and been turned down? I'd be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt this year but telegraph clearly how much she gets over the next 2 years so no surprises if she doesn't get a summer job next summer.

I opened an account age 16 and my parents paid an allowance into it.

When I got my car at 17, I needed to get a job to finance the petrol etc.

You are being unfair to your kids and a bit mean to your 16yo. The jobs she is likely to get aren't going to be too plentiful, and tbh, she's possibly missed the boat, all Uni students would have nabbed them already

give her her child benefit and tell her that's it, if she doesn't go to college, that stops as t you wont get it to give her. but she has to understand that is a monthly amount, so week 3 = no money, then tough! I did it with my girls and they found it hard initially, but then were a bit more sensible,
budgeting is a good lesson to learn.

Monthly allowance is a good idea. You can't stop "bankrolling" a child at 16! Are you on your own? Im wondering as you mention the bank of mum. Do you get maintenance for her from her father if you're split? What about child allowance?

DS has an intermittent job waiting tables at the rugby club, on the weekends where he earns we do not pay pocket money, over and above that we give him £20 a week.

We still buy essential clothes, but if there is a specific item ( a £100 pair of trainers anyone... then he bank rolls it himself.

He is going into Yr11 and this arrangement will continue, until he finishes sixth form or Uni if he makes that choice.

YABU

I think it also depends on how easy it is to get a job in your area. Have any of her friends managed?

My DD is 18 and has pounded the streets, handing in CVs and applying on line for lots and lots of jobs. She didn't manage to get one until just before her A levels in April and that was a stroke of luck due to someone she knows giving her a chance with no experience.

Shops would not even look at her as she had no retail experience.

Finding a job can be hard. I also think that someone who has worked hard for GCSEs deserves a bit of a break and some down time.

I think the idea of her having a budget and manaing it herself is a good solution. Also, how is her attitude and willingness to do her share around the house - that would have some bearing on it for me.

It's not that easy to find a job at 16. You could support by asking re CV, etc. If you want the countdown I think it's reasonable to also support her transition.

If you want to encourage financial independence, stop paying on demand and work out an allowance with her that she manages herself. Be clear that there won't be any bail outs with allowance, is up to her how she uses allowance but you can help her set up a budget.

You may find she is more motivated to get a job when she runs out of cash! I loved having an allowance, which I supplemented with earnings from part time work (I started working as soon as I got my NI number). My parents paid for coat, shoes and lunches. I covered my 'fun' money and clothes I wanted. It did mean I basically spent my school holidays working full time, but that was an education in and of itself too. I got a GCSE in Italian at sixth form after having picked up a lot from the restaurant I worked at.

Lesson learned to word posts carefully on here...
Good suggestions to give her a monthly allowance to learn to budget, so if she wants to go out for dinner with friends etc she'll have to work out for herself if she can afford to.
Thanks

Also have a dd16 who's waiting on GCSE results. We were taking a family holiday & don't live in an area with much casual work for 16 yr olds (although if you live at the seaside, casual work is potentially available). My dd16 gets a monthly allowance (& a bus card). She blew the lot by halfway through the month & I have been a bit hard on her by not giving her extra for lunches out, movies etc. She has to learn to manage it & that means feeling the consequences of her poor choice. I did give her £10 after she was really helpful with her younger cousin but only because she didn't ask! Stay strong op.

I've got a 16 DS who also hasn't got a job since his exams, so I know how frustrating it is. However I would still buy him clothes if he needed them for holiday. What I won't do is give him handouts to spend at the shop on drinks and sweets, etc

16 is still a child really!

Monthly allowance is the way to go.

A monthly allowance is a great idea, if not a little overdue!

It's quite a jump from 'bankrolling' to 'now get a job and manage your own money'. It's not going to be easy to get a job.

If she keeps asking for more money for this that and the other because she isn't managing her allowance, then say no. That is a much better life lesson.

I completely get where you're coming from. I have two 16 year old DDs. One has had a job in our local chip shop for almost a year and rarely asks me for money - I obviously buy clothes when needed and toiletries etc, but she funds most of her outings.

The other has been told about various jobs in our area - Argos, superdrug, local café .... but hasn't been arsed to do anything about it despite my offers of help/lifts. She is constantly arranging to meet friends in nandos, pizza express, starbucks ..... shopping trips, cinema, theme parks ..... wants me to buy a few ciders for a party etc etc it goes on and on. I've told her this morning that she's not having a penny more until she at least makes an effort to find a part time job.

Not least because it isn't fair on DT1.

My eldest is 16 and I would not treat her any different to my others.

For those of you who successfully give your teenagers a budget to self manage - (for the extras not basics & essentials) how much do you give them?

she wants to meet friends for coffee and go to the gym!

I am a teacher, and know many parents of 16 year olds who would be dancing round the table for joy if their offspring wanted to do such normal, healthy socialable things with their time, as opposed to drinking, shop lifting, fighting, computer games 24/7 etc.

These are things I would pay to encourage!

Anyway, isn't she getting child benefit? I agree an allowance is the way forward,

Mine get pocket money from about age 6 that increases as they get older but doesn't increase enough to cover everything a teen would want so they need to work to supplement it. All very fair and straightforward.

I am constantly boggled that people just hand their kids (of any age over 10) money when they ask for it - how on earth will they learn to budget? Even worse if they have to give back the change as that encourages them to spend the lot

I agree with a fixed budget and don't think its unreasonable for a 16 year old to try and find a job. If you knew she had made applications and wasnt getting anywhere you might feel differently but you've said she hasnt made much of an effort.

Think people who say doing well at her GCSEs is enough are a bit soft really shouldnt everyone be trying hard at their GCSEs? Plus you never really learn the value of money if you get it whenever you want it so having to manage her own budget now is the best way to set her up for the future.

We had a monthly allowance from 13, I think that would be fair. Not huge so if we wanted special things we had to save or work.
At 16 I think it was around £40 a month in today's money. School uniform and school shoes provided too.

At 16 you should still be treating her the same as her siblings. Just give her what you are prepared to spend as a monthly allowance.

She has worked hard for her GCSEs and is presumably awaiting the results. It isn't always as simple as people on here seem to think to "just get a job" willy nilly.

Bigsandyballs2015 - similarly DD may contact me during the day whilst I'm at work to tell me that she's with friends in Nando's or a nice Italian restaurant in town while I've been at my desk all day!
Looking forward to discussing a budget with her!

She's 16, still a child, she's just finished her exams and she's enjoying her summer holidays. I'd treat her exactly the same as your other dd.

She's only 16 cut her some slack and it's actually not that easy to get a job when you're under 18!

During college we gave DD1 £75/month. This was to cover discretionary spending only, we still paid for clothes (her request), and we paid for travel pass. She funded PAYG phone. the deal was that if she wanted more she had to show where it was going first, she never did.

We also paid all costs associated with her learning to drive, including a car to practice in which she is now main driver of. We have paid first years car insurance.

She has started as an apprentice this week, she is getting the allowance from us for Aug as won't be paid until end Aug. Then no more money from us. We won't charge rent, but she needs to be self sufficient (in theory at least). I have helped her do a budget.