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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to give my 16 DD £

216 replies

pleasingone · 31/07/2017 15:42

We're going on holiday soon. I have two DD's 16&13.
Eldest DD just worked really hard for GCSES and finished school in June. We've been asking her to get a job as the bank of Mum has to close.
She was given a financial reward at the end of the exams to get clothes for college or whatever she wanted. I don't feel she has looked hard enough for a job. She has been enjoying the summer with friends mainly on the beach.
I've just given 13 YO DD money to buy holiday clothes and have so far said no to the 16 YO DD.
Am I mean treating them differently or is this part & parcel of growing up and sorting things out for yourself?
When did other people stop bank rolling their teenagers?

Thanks

OP posts:
potatoscowls · 31/07/2017 23:25

Too harsh imo; if one daughter gets money the other should too.
Also getting a job is really hard. And minimum wage for 16-y-os is pitiful

Fruitcorner123 · 31/07/2017 23:29

worridmum i was a teenager in the noughties and no teenage boys that i knew babysat. They all had jobs of some description though. Teenagers can work in supermarkets and other places that sell alcohol etc. They just can't sell it without approval from an adult member of staff. I am a secondary teacher and loads of my students work in the local shops. Others work in local cafes and restaurants for example.

I do think there are fewer jobs but clearly from this thread there are fewer people applying for them as bank of mjm and dad seems to have its doors wide open in many households. Also the OP says her daughter isnt trying to get a job not that she has tried but failed. That is clearly a different matter

A PP suggested volunteering which i think is a fab idea for teenagers who can't get jobs. They volunteer in a field they are interested in and the parental allowance can then reward this commitment. Will also look great on a CV

BackforGood · 31/07/2017 23:30

how many of you would let a male teenager baby sit for you?, i would be surpirsed that many of you would

Me.
Well, I would / did when my dc were little - they are babysitters for other people now, and don't need to be 'babysat' themselves Wink

A lot of people want DBS checks, first aid courses, etc for babysitting these days

No-one any of my dc have sat for have ever asked for these, but, they do all have first aid qualifications and the older ones have DBS checks

Whathaveilost · 31/07/2017 23:44

We transferred money into DS2s bank account.
We put in £250 a Month for spend and save.
Every 3 months he has an clothes allowance of 200 pound.
We pay for phone, he uses general toliteies and we pay his sports fee at about 100 a month he pays for his haircuts, thinking about it he hadn't had one in 10 months!! We pay for his driving lessons and his car. We pay for him and his girlfriend to come on holiday but he treats us to a meal.
He goes to college but he also helps a lot with his father's buisness.
He didnt stop needing stuff when he became 16
It seems to work ok for us although every now and then I threaten to cut the funds if he carries on buying trainers!

Fruitcorner123 · 31/07/2017 23:48

We put in £250 a Month for spend and save.
Every 3 months he has an clothes allowance of 200 pound.

Wow this is more disposable income than I have at 33 with a career!

FlyingFox95 · 31/07/2017 23:49

My mum still gave me some £ when I was 16 but we agreed I was to be actively applying for part time work & keeping her updated with applications. I already had the grades for an unconditional Uni offer so I didn't really have an excuse not to be working.

I got my first job when I was about 16 and a half. Sometimes she still covered things for me if they were necessary (toiletries, food etc) but days out with pals were my responsibility. I definitely didn't get as much as my sister who is two years younger.

I'd say to start to budget but don't totally withdraw until she has income. Jobs aren't easy to find especially when you have no experience. What my mum did worked though.

PinkCrystal · 01/08/2017 00:10

My older ones got jobs at 16. I pay phone sim only contract and for basic clothes. Also for study things and basic hair cut. Few quid here and there for social stuff. Anything else they have to fund hence them getting jobs.

Baalam · 01/08/2017 09:38

My dd certainly doesn't go out to lunch with her mates. They might get a coffee or an ice cream but never lunch at Nando's etc. That seems quite entitled to me if money is an issue.

Baalam · 01/08/2017 09:41

I've just read more posts that says she gets a constant drip feed of cash and money everytime she goes into town. My dds have never had or expected that. 100 a month and if she gets extra babysitting that's great. I expect her to buy clothes with that although I do buy underwear and sports kit and the odd basic.

Pinky333777 · 01/08/2017 09:46

At 16 she is in between.
I agree she needs to learn about earning her way, but I'd give some incentive, like if she can earn £50 herself then parents will reward another £50.
Jobs pay pittance at 16. She'll hardly be motivated enough to bother!

Honkyzeke · 01/08/2017 10:12

I think it depends on the area you live in round here at 16 it's pretty easy to get a job, at this time of year especially, we live in a touristy area there are tourist attractions and arcades, fun fairs, cafes, ice cream places all employing school aged kids so it's normal for 14,15,16 year olds round here to at least get a summer job in the holidays, but if you are in an area where there aren't opportunities for a 16 year old to earn a bit of money then I think you should be helping her out and treating her the same as her sibling, I'll support mine within reason until she no longer needs it. I'd definitely be buying holiday clothes for her, and if she's worked so hard for her gcses surely she deserves a bit time to relax with her friends at the beach?! She's not legally an adult for another 2 years after all.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/08/2017 10:18

My DD got a job at 14.
She's always worked hard bless her.
But she did apprenticeship rather than college etc...
Otherwise I'd had to have kept paying.
It's probably harder to get job over the summer as everyone wants one then.

thiswillhavetodo · 01/08/2017 10:45

I never had pocket money as a child and I worked from 2 weeks after my 13th birthday - paper-rounds, shops, cafes etc all my choice as I enjoyed having my own money and hated asking for it and I'm still the same now!!! I personally would give her the monthly allowance and teach her to be responsible for it, whist also gently encouraging her to look for a job explaining to her that she will then have full control over the money and can be used on whatever she wants. Also I only started paying rent to my parents when I lived at home when I got my first post college full time job at 19. Good luck! X

Pengggwn · 01/08/2017 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JemimaCuddleFuck · 01/08/2017 12:37

Jesus, can't believe how mean some parents are with their children. They're trying to disguise their 'tightness' as some sort of morality lesson "otherwise how will they learn to budget"

I had a Saturday job from being 15, but I certainly wasn't expected to buy my own toiletries or most of my own clothes FFS. I'm now middle aged but my Mum still likes to 'treat' me occasionally to lunch, or a pair of shoes etc. She has always been very generous by nature and I'm just the same with my teenagers.

They get an allowance of £50 a month, plus their phones, plus their travel cards. I supply all their toiletries and probably 80% of their clothes.

I've never had a problem budgeting my finances and I genuinely enjoy treating my children. So sad that so many parents are so mean spirited and begrudging toward their children Sad

deblet · 01/08/2017 12:42

Poor kid. She is worrying about her results, all the pressure of what to do in her future and her mum is moaning at her to get a job. Encourage yes, state I am no longer going to treat you because you have hit a magic age a resounding no. I got a job at 16 but it is so much more difficult now. Give her a break and continue to be her mum. I am surprised you really need to ask if you are being unreasonable to be honest,

Bluntness100 · 01/08/2017 12:50

how many of you would let a male teenager baby sit for you?, i would be surpirsed that many of you would

I would and wouldn't have an issue with it at all. I'm on the opposite side, I don't see why anyone wouldn't.Confused

pinkhorse · 01/08/2017 13:03

why would you not let a male teenager babysit for you? Very strange thinking there

Floofborksnootandboop · 01/08/2017 14:39

how many of you would let a male teenager baby sit for you?, i would be surpirsed that many of you would

Of course I would? Why would I have a problem with it?

Migraleve · 01/08/2017 15:19

how many of you would let a male teenager baby sit for you?, i would be surpirsed that many of you would

Why? Is there something I don't know about teenaged boys Hmm

worridmum · 01/08/2017 15:50

sorry its just alot of threads on here mention alot about male nursery workers and in turn people i know will not employ men / wont use nurseries that hire males, stating that because the majorty of pedophiles are male and so all males that look after children that they are not related too should be suspect.....

When i get home i will link the dreadful threads on here to that effect

Migraleve · 01/08/2017 15:58

worried don't bother

Most paedophiles are men, ok I will give you that. But ffs how do you turn that around to most men are paedophiles Hmm

Get. A. Grip.

Migraleve · 01/08/2017 16:00

and so all males that look after children that they are not related too should be suspect.....

Also this shite ^

It's actually fact that an abuser is more likely to be a family member:

Please stop posting such utter pish

Ronnyhotdog · 01/08/2017 16:08

I think you're being mean. You say she's worked hard at school, give her a break, let her have fun with her friends at the beach.
Ds1 is 18, he got his 1st Saturday job during year 12, I wanted him to get the jist of working while studying not because I felt he should fund himself now. He's pretty independent now without me having to be awful. He's currently on holiday abroad with friends, self funded because he wanted to. Why are you forcing her to grow up? being a grown up is hard, let her be a kid. Treat her to holiday clothes like her sister.

Huskylover1 · 01/08/2017 16:09

How on earth is she going to get in to Uni, if she isn't staying on to do her A Levels? It's not possible to get in to Uni without 3 or more A levels, with an A or B pass grade (depending on the degree).

Similarly, if she's planning on College, she would have applied for this months ago and been allotted a space already.

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