To refuse to give my 16 DD £

[pleasingone]

We're going on holiday soon. I have two DD's 16&13.
Eldest DD just worked really hard for GCSES and finished school in June. We've been asking her to get a job as the bank of Mum has to close.
She was given a financial reward at the end of the exams to get clothes for college or whatever she wanted. I don't feel she has looked hard enough for a job. She has been enjoying the summer with friends mainly on the beach.
I've just given 13 YO DD money to buy holiday clothes and have so far said no to the 16 YO DD.
Am I mean treating them differently or is this part & parcel of growing up and sorting things out for yourself?
When did other people stop bank rolling their teenagers?

Thanks

I think you are wrong. My Mum made me get a job at 16 and it meant I was exhausted doing my A levels and couldn't do clubs and activities at the weekend. It was so unfair and not the way to treat a child. Seems silly to invest time and money and good education kn children and then give up at 16. I think young adults need support until at least 23 to ensure they are as confident and ready to make good life decisions.

My daughter is 17 and is going to college in September. Her CB will not stop if she is in full time education I.e. 3 days a week or more. Also after getting fed up handing out money I agreed with her to pay by DD her CB into her account each week, out of that she has to buy all her extra expenses like going to cinema, coffee with mates, etc. This has worked well, if she asks for extra I just say no. I buy all her clothes shoes make up etc. She is my child and I will continue to bank roll her until she leaves home.

I'm not sure where you are, but the rules are slightly different in the uk. If school leavers don't have a contracted full time job, they have to go to sixth form or college until they are 18, and the family allowance/child tax credits continue to be paid. Therefore, you are not bank rolling, you are giving money that you have been given, for the purpose of helping to bring up your child.

My Mum gave me a clothing allowance out of the Family Allowance whilst we still had it. I got a Saturday job to pay for extras but not until I started A levels. If she's just done GCSEs, let her have some time off and start closing the Bank in September.

My 17 year old is exactly the same. However she has a pool of babysitting jobs and works 2 half days (after school) for childminder. I supply money for clothes and if she wants to go out to the cinema or something she has to pay (although I do sneak her some money for the tickets). I still pay her travel card and am currently funding driving lessons. It is not easy and there are times when I will say no more money so it is dependent to what she wants to buy as to what I will agree to pay for.
You gave her money for clothing for college. That's the next step in her education. You gave your younger daughter money for holiday clothes but your 16 year old is also going on holiday. When your 13 year old finishes her exams she will need clothes for College so therefore you are not entirely being fair.
When she gets back from holiday, tell her she needs to start earning some pocket money of her own for the little things she wants rather than needs. Babysitting, tutoring at local centre (if she has correct qualifications) and such like. Once she starts she will enjoy having some cash of her own to spend.
Good luck x

YABU! She's only 16, she's a child. You're being harsh and mean.

I think if you've booked the holiday you should've taken into account that she will need spending money as well. I would say once she is 18 she shouldn't expect you to give her holiday money. At 16 I think you've done the right thing to encourage her to get a job but if she hasn't found one I still think you should give her a little bit of cash-whatever you can afford

There's this idea that once a person gets to a certain age they should be expected to deal with life and they are left to cope. How do they learn these life skills......from their parents!

Even at 18 just because they are classed as an adult, once the clock strikes midnight on the eve of their 18th birthday sudden wisdom doesn't wash over them. They need help! I class 16-21 as transition period. Use the time to support where needed. We aren't owed anything as parents.

I got a job as a waitress when I left school at 15. Packed it in when college started and got a night time and Saturday job in a department store to see me through college. My daughter got a job as a glass collector in a pub when she was in 6th form and my son worked in a wedding venue. Both worked their way through uni. I gave them some money on a monthly basibut that was it, they got nothing else from me. It's a good lesson to learn, mine are now both really hard workers and I think you should give her a monthly allowance so she learns to budget but not so much that she doesn't need to work.

Wouldn't expect kids to work until after a levels, and then only summer jobs.

I have gone through the same thing. Our girls are 4 years apart. Our eldest has just turned 18 and like you felt that when she left school she just wasn't trying enough for a job. When she was 16 we gave her a time limit of 8 months to find some part time work but that didn't seem to work either. She actually admitted to me last year I was right and she wasn't really trying as she was worried about going into the big wide world of getting a job and mixing with people.
It is really hard for some kids and worse if they are lacking in confidence like my daughter was.
My daughter managed to get a job earlier on this year and was used and disposed of by the company in question which knocked her confidence further.
At present, she is working voluntarily for a local sports club and in Oxfam a couple of days a week and is enjoying it at present. It has given her a boost so maybe this is something u could look into if she is struggling.
Also it may be worth having a look at her CV and if any alterations can be made. There doesn't seem to be a correct format for succession.
Please also bear in mind that it does appear a lot harder for a young person to get a job. I am in a professional career and I applied to Aldi on behalf of my daughter and failed miserably. Apparently, helping a customer if he slips on water at your checkout was the wrong response!

You are wrong to treat them differently. YABU. She's only 16, still a child... your child...

My DD has worked with me since she was in year 11 and just turned 16 then when she was 17 she got a job in Nandos - she's now 18 and funds her social life - I buy her college stuff (clothes etc) and probably couple of dresses a month (approx £25 each maybe) and trainers etc - she wants a frappacino from Costa at 4 quid a pop she pays for it, she soon learnt what waste of money it was. She's now in the holidays and working extra shifts and also whilst working weekends saved over £500 by giving me some money to put away for her every time she got paid.

I think allowance is the way to go - DS is 16 nearly and gets £40 per month - for that he washes our cars fortnightly, dishwasher duty every night and makes coffee whenever I ask! (slave)

In the holidays if he needs a bit more, I'll hand over a bit more, for a theme park trip or whatever but he has expensive hobbies so doesn't really ask for extra. Of course I buy all his clothes!

The summer of fun is the summer you finish your GSCEs - I'd have a chat about finances but allow her beach time as she's worked so hard.

I'm gonna go against the grain here, just from my own experience. When I turned 16 I got a job waiting tables at a local restaurant, I worked a Friday night, Saturday lunch time, Sunday lunch time, and one evening in the week while I was at 6th form. From that I bought my clothes, driving lessons, contributed to the car insurance as I was using my mums car, and any extra bits I needed. She still bought food and toiletries but I wanted to fend for myself. I worked extra during holidays and saved some for when I was back at school. I moved out at 18 and pretty much fended for myself in full apart from my mum paid my phone bill as it was on the same account as hers. I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting your DD to get a job. Waitressing and retail jobs are easy to come by at 16, since they pay less so companies are happier to take them on. I loved it and as a result quickly worked my way up to a management position as soon as I finished 6th form.

I would do a half and half option. You work out a small budget allowance to give her each week and she can budget that for what she needs and if she wants more money she can earn it. My parents stopped giving my allowance spending money etc when I was 14 and got my first job as a dishwasher. They purchased essential clothes but nothing fancy or expensive. If I wanted a specific brand or something I had to earn and use my money. I think that was my parents way of hitting the midway mark. They provided me with the essentials as I was still a child but if I wanted a cd or spending money for things I earned it. You need to find something that works for you and your family. Teaching children about money is very important. My DS is 8 and has one of those goHenry cards. He Only gets pocket money if he does his homework and can earn extra for doing chores. For the first few months he was spending his money the minute he got it but now he sits with me and decides what to keep in the spending section and what to put in savings and he's doing very well at saving. He's currently saving because he wants a laptop and I said a laptop isn't something an 8 year old needs so if he wants one he can save his money and buy one.

I think at this age it should be about learning to be independent and financially sensible. Expecting to pay for everything bar food and board is a bit much at 16. Also given how expensive the real world is nowadays, if she was mine I would be encouraging her to save what are earns. She'll need some savings down the road, even if it's just to get her first motor and petrol money.

My DS (now 17) applied for loads of jobs when he finished his GCSEs last summer. He eventually got a job at the end of the summer.
He uses his wages to fund activities like the cinema, concerts, games and additional bits he wants. He sometimes buys clothes (normally designer pieces).
I still purchase a lot of his clothes and treat him to things. I don't think this will change until he has left home. I see his part time job/money for him to fund additional activities.

Going against the grain a bit, all my job earnings were pure spending. (up to 18).

Parents still paid for everything I needed day to day, including clothes, etc.

At 16 my mum paid me what she got for child benefit. My dad topped it up with £20 so it was £100. (Parents were separated) if I wanted to go out with friends, get the bus, shop, cinema etc or if I wanted anything that wasn't an essential it had to come from that and it had to last a month.

It taught me to budget and manage my money. I then got a job working part time in the summer just waitressing at weekends which I continued to do through studying a levels.

X

She's 16!! YABU

I think a monthly allowance is a great idea. You need to discuss with her what it will need to cover (most clothing or just extras, will you buy her a bus or train pass, etc) and help her to set up some kind of budgeting system. We use google drive and spreadsheets as we can update it on the go from our phones, it helps us keep track of what we're spending relative to our income. A simple system like this could really help her, and will be such a useful skill for her to take into adulthood. It's taken dh and me decades to get to this point!

Sorry just seen your updates. Yes a monthly budget is good and definitely encourage a job but 16 is very young and still a child in my eyes. That's just my opinion.

16. Get a job. I did. No wonder everyone still Has their kids at home at 30.

Did you kiss the multiple posters who didn't get a job but managed to successfully move out before turning 30

I just love when posters compare their experiences of getting a job at 16 ten, twenty or thirty years ago with getting a job at 16 now.