To refuse to give my 16 DD £

[pleasingone]

We're going on holiday soon. I have two DD's 16&13.
Eldest DD just worked really hard for GCSES and finished school in June. We've been asking her to get a job as the bank of Mum has to close.
She was given a financial reward at the end of the exams to get clothes for college or whatever she wanted. I don't feel she has looked hard enough for a job. She has been enjoying the summer with friends mainly on the beach.
I've just given 13 YO DD money to buy holiday clothes and have so far said no to the 16 YO DD.
Am I mean treating them differently or is this part & parcel of growing up and sorting things out for yourself?
When did other people stop bank rolling their teenagers?

Thanks

I don't understand the comments about it being mean to treat a 16 year old and a 13 year old differently. Isn't that just normal? I had an allowance as a teenager and I know that my older siblings got more, as my father explained that my allowance would increase as I got older and the balance of what my parents paid for vs what I paid for changed, exactly as it had for my big brother and sisters.

Both privileges and responsibilities change as you get older, I bet the 16 year old has more freedom than her younger sister too.

Anyway I'd look back over the last month or so and think about what she has asked money for and then sit down with your dd OP and talk about expectations and reality with her and figure out an allowance that gives her a bit of responsibility and a bit of fun too. So you might want it to cover one bigger treat (cinema, meal etc) and a couple of small ones (coffee, snacks) and perhaps some things you'd like her to take responsibility for (eg giving her the money for bus pass or phone). If she's not already helpful around the house you could add some chore payments too on an optional or mandatory basis (but make sure if she doesn't do things you consider mandatory the money stops too).

Around here the default job for a 16yr old is macdonalds. Poor working conditions/rights etc but can be lucrative for them.

I have a 20yr old who got a full time job at 19. He now pays rent which is used towards household expenses as quite frankly I need the money. I still buy his food and deodorants etc. But he buys all his own clothes and entertainment. He's supposed to save as well. Considering he has just short of £300 a week to himself.

Ds2 is 15 and will look for a job in January when he is 16. Probably the default McDonald's to begin with and get experience and something to put on his cv.

I currently give him £15 a week (his brother used to get £20! And still moan it wasn't enough) plus £15 per month for his phone. (Again paid his brothers phone at the same age).

The £15 is to cover going out and saving for anything extra he wants above and beyond what I would normally budget. For example he needs new trainers and my budget is £60, the ones he wants are £120 he puts the additional money towards it.

Specialsubject
Mn says treat them as adults - until the idea of demonstrating that money doesn't grow on trees comes up....

Did she know the cash was to include holiday clothes? Does she actually need any new clothes?

No she doesn't need clothes, as she currently gets money each time she goes into town, loves shopping and had a biggish cash sum after school on top.
My original post was intended to refer to "bankrolling extras" or treats not her basic needs and necessities which of of course I'll provide.
I didn't word the post well and it seems to have been misconstrued!
We're reasonably well off, but yes I want her to understand the value of money and am hoping she will get a Saturday job to pay for her own meals out etc.
I'm going to sit down and ask her to make a list of her expenses and agree an allowance with her .Think I may give it to her fortnightly to begin with to make things a bit easier for her.

So what will you do with her child benefit OP?

Fluffypinkpjamas

Well as the amount she currently receives over the course of the month far exceeds the CB, nothing changes except she'll have to manage an allowance rather than a constant drip feed of cash.

My DC get a monthly allowance. Up to them how they spend it. If they run out they can earn more, either from or from getting a job. I do however buy them basics in terms of clothes and shoes. Extras and designer stuff is down to them.

At 16 I had a Saturday job so my DP stopped my pocket money which I thought was fair.

They bought the clothes I needed but I used my wages to buy extra clothes that I wanted but didn't need as such.

I never felt hard done by and i never went without. I enjoyed having my own money to spend as I liked.

I'd still buy her what she needs but encourage a job for the extra things she wants.

Ooh that reminds me of the old joke "my son the doctor is drowning"

Monthly allowance from 16. We pay for the phone and the (very expensive) hobby. The rest, including clothes (no school uniform here) comes out of her allowance. She also has a summer job working for the family business for which she is more than fairly paid. I never give top ups for no reason. If she wants to eat out she pays for it.

Think too of the message it sends to your younger child: "Work hard for your exams and you'll get fuck all from me."

This. Something for your younger one to look forward to eh?

I also think you're being horribly right and harsh. She is just 16. We took our 19 year old (just turned 20) uni going daughter on hol last month and I also bought her some holiday clothes. Yup she works too. But guess what, she earns min wage. I don't earn min wage and I can afford it. She didn't work at 16 but even if she did I'd have bought her holiday clothes then too. Because I'm her mum.

You sound like you have a real hang up about money. If you want to give her a budget for going out do so, but god buy her clothes, not just the basic necessities.

And as a warning, I have friends who did this to their kids. Was a terrible idea all their effort went into earning in a series of crap jobs and damaged their education. If you're going to support her support her
It does not stop because she's sixteen.

I don't understand the comments about it being mean to treat a 16 year old and a 13 year old differently.

I meant that it is mean to expect the 16 year old to work for treats but not the 13 year old. Obviously it is not mean to treat them differently in every respect.

My eldest dd is nearly 18, and I still give her money for clothes etc. She's got a weekly budget that she manages herself so she doesn't just get cash as and when. I worked out how much she'd need for basic expenses like school lunches, bus fares, basic clothes, etc. Then we have her a job as our cleaner (she does what is ask a cleaner to do, just to a much lower standard and for a cheaper price), so she gets those "wages" too, but anything over and above that she needs to find herself.

Roomster why is it mean to expect a 16 to work for treats, but not a 13 year old? That's a pretty normal expectation. A 16 year old is more mature than a 13 year old, and should be capable of working a few hours a week and taking more responsibility for themselves, in addition to studying.

OP you're getting a hard time from some people here. I've got a 16 year old DS who chooses to lie in bed til midday, play the PS4, then go out with his mates, making no effort to get a job. Came home again tonight to a messy house... so no YANBU.

If they're desperate for holiday clothes as had grown out of them I'd relent. Otherwise no, get a job!

Seriously?

Of course you pay for your 16 year old daughter!

What a question...

PS Jobs don't grow on trees esp these days

Shes 16 not 26! Yabu

Roomster why is it mean to expect a 16 to work for treats, but not a 13 year old? That's a pretty normal expectation.

I don't agree, especially as 13 year olds usually have a lot more free time than 16 year olds. Either way, both are still children and I would give them both pocket money for treats. Both need to spend within their budget or work to earn more.

Think too of the message it sends to your younger child: "Work hard for your exams and you'll get fuck all from me."

Apart from a roof over your head, food, clothes and a lovely holiday. Oh plus the allowance OP has said her DD will get.

I hope my children will work hard for their GCSEs because they are important for their futures not just in the hope that they will get unlimited cash from me.

So what will you do with her child benefit OP?

She will provide everything that her child needs and help her to fund extras too with an allowance BUT quite rightly she won't just give handouts for clothes, cinema, meals out etc whenever DD asks. Do people really do this?!

the bank of Mum has to close
No intention of asking her to pay rent. She plans on higher education.

That bank needs longer opening hours.

If she is plans on HE, you will be expected to contribute.

In the meantime, she is still very young and in full-time education. Saturday jobs are by and large a relic of a bygone era.

Fruitcorner the mix of views in this site never fails to surprise me. Like you, I believe a 16 year old should have a job to pay for treats, going out, etc (of at least be making a proper effort to find a job!)

All of my friends with 16 year old DC feel the same. Yet on here it seems to be the norm just to give them money on tap

Question to those saying parents should pay for everything - would you feel the same if you were working long hours and on a tight budget?

I have a 16 yr old and I do think the job situation is very different now from when I was her age. I had a Saturday job from about 15 onwards but my dd has applied for quite a lot since the exams and got nowhere.
I know exactly what you mean about the drip feed of money it's not easy. I think I may go down the allowance route also

Do you get child benefit or allowance for her if you do give her this as her allowance.

Why are jobs for young people so much harder to get these days? I've seen this asserted but can't think why that would be the case. What about babysitting for example?

I don't quite understand why op is getting so much bother - I do think a clear allowance is a good plan. I worked after GCSEs and don't remember feeling hard done by. I do remember the buzz of being able to buy myself stuff though.

how many of you would let a male teenager baby sit for you?, i would be surpirsed that many of you would.

Alot of people want DBS checks first aid courses etc for babysitting these days (while not all are this high standard but its becoming more common with alot of people wanting nursery assietances or nannies to do it for normal babysitter wages)

As a company would you hire someone with loads of experence or one without any at all the pay difference between the ages is not much in the grand scheme of things (in retail under 18s cannot sell alchol or ciggerttes so infact they cannot do the full job in alot fo supermarkets)

It's is quite difficult to get a job round here at 16. What are you expecting pay for? She is only 16 and personally GCSEs are stressful A levels even more so and then the whole bloody really really expensive uni experience. It sort of feels she is being punished for being the eldest. Sorry