To refuse to give my 16 DD £

[pleasingone]

We're going on holiday soon. I have two DD's 16&13.
Eldest DD just worked really hard for GCSES and finished school in June. We've been asking her to get a job as the bank of Mum has to close.
She was given a financial reward at the end of the exams to get clothes for college or whatever she wanted. I don't feel she has looked hard enough for a job. She has been enjoying the summer with friends mainly on the beach.
I've just given 13 YO DD money to buy holiday clothes and have so far said no to the 16 YO DD.
Am I mean treating them differently or is this part & parcel of growing up and sorting things out for yourself?
When did other people stop bank rolling their teenagers?

Thanks

Once dd left Year 11 I started transferring the child benefit amount into her account each month. She has a small part time job to supplement it and is saving some of her money for uni.

However, some A level courses are really demanding and it's important to make sure they don't compromise their grades or reach burnout by prioritising part time work. I've seen that happen.

the bank of Mum has to close
Out of curiosity why?

Yabu. She's 16; you're not bankrolling her. You are looking after your child FGS.

^^this with knobs on.

I also have a 16 year old. Do you realise how many young people are looking for part-time or summer holiday jobs? And what, your DD hasn't found one yet in a month (no time at all) so you're refusing to buy her clothes?

Crikey. Long gone are the days when summer jobs were very easy to come by & age was no barrier (strawberry picking from age 12 here ).

I thought I was a mollycoddler until I read this thread

Shops would not even look at her as she had no retail experience.

How would anyone ever get their first job in a shop then?

I think you're being unfair. Do you think it's easy to suddenly learn the motivation and confidence it takes to go out and get a job?

No, it's been the parents job to teach those skills over the previous 16 years and then support them in making applications etc.

It isn't easy to get a job at 16 but the Op says her daughter hasn't tried. She is not doing her duty as a parent if she doesn't teach her the value of money

Anyway it sounds like you have common sense Op. Mine aren't old enough yet to help with budget and presumably this partly depends on what you can afford. I suppose you need to decide whether you want her to buy everything (clothes, shoes etc.) or just have money for going out and socialising then go from there. I would suggest give her an amount which means she can go out once a week. If she wants to go out more than that she has to have additional earnings.

Jobs I had between 16 and 18: tesco, next and one summer office junior. Other friends worked in bakerys, as waitresses and waiters, in factories, macdonalds washing up in kitchen etc.

ChelleDawg202
Think too of the message it sends to your younger child: "Work hard for your exams and you'll get fuck all from me."

So paying our kids for doing well in exams is a "Thing" now is it? I got, nor expected sod all for studying hard and getting good results that I could be proud of? The financial reward would then follow from the career I had educated myself enough to be able to do.

That surely is a more valuable life lesson?

If you can afford to bankroll your child, I think it's best to until they finish their education. Summer jobs are fine (and to be encouraged), but every study into the effects of having a part time job on students' grades shows that those who work get worse grades on average.

None of mine had jobs till nearly 18. Only then did they start to pay for bits themselves...16 is a child.you get child tax credits and child benefit.use that....

At 16 she's still a child. Not many places will take on a kid knowing she'll quit September when they can have an adult for on a little bit more per hour.
Monthly budget soubda good - I assume neither girl gets an allowance atm so I'd make it clear to youngest that she'll get one at the same stage - so August 1st between year 11 and 12 until say August 1st at end of year 12. Theb they'll need a full time job at home or a part time one / bursery / loan for Uni.
Amount aurwly depends on income and whether you currently use or save her CB but 80-100 if you can afford it and no coming to you for social clothes, make up, nights out rt

My son is 14. He 'works' with his dad. With that money he already covers his non essential spending. He wanted pizza (delivered) last night so he paid for it.
I have a cupboard and freezer full of food which according to him was unsuitable.
I'll top his phone up £10 per month. Anymore is up to him. I agree with the OP. If you are covering their essential expenses and they are demanding cash for Nandos, Mac cosmetics (like my friends daughter) you need to go out and at least TRY and earn.
I get that its not easy but I'm sure the OP would have a different take on things if she was making a huge effort to find work and was getting knocked back.

God you sound like my mum 'get a job', 'get a job', 'get a job' not that easy I did start doing bar work at 18 and was lucky. I worked all the way through uni in part time jobs. I eventually got an evening/weekend callcentre role that was quite well pain and fairly cushy.

Once I started working my mum started to say 'when I was your age I handed my whole rage packet straight to your gran every week!' I was paid monthly by bacs. So I said 'ok I'll give you my money and you set up the dd for my phone, by my travekcard to get to work, pay x,y and z too....she soon stopped asking and took just board from me.

What I am sensing here though is she should be doing her fair share around the house, does she? That would colour my decision x

I pay into his bank account £100 per month. This covers his expenses, ie, stuff he wants to buy. He uses it for travel as well although I do often buy a monthly ticket for him. He has two jobs, one earning £16 per week total. The other has only just started and will earn him over £65 per week. i pay for his sporting activities but once he starts driving he needs to pay towards his petrol, car, etc. He wants to go to a certain type of holiday with us again next year. We will pay but I've told him that we will expect a small contribution from him.

Essentially, we still pay for him but he manages his own money and hasn't asked us for any. He was rather generous to people at Christmas so did have to sub him a bit for that. I also put money on his card for food at college as he needs to eat for health reasons.

I am considering dropping down the £100 to less now he has this second job but I feel having savings is important, at some point he is going to have to pay something towards car insurance (mega bucks), and actually he's a good kid. He's not grasping or demanding. Not materialistic. Doesn't drink or smoke. Just spends it on travel, food and t shirts!

The other thing she could do is done voluntary work over the summer. 1-2 days a week so at least she had experience for her cv and if she died get a job she can work the viluntary stuff around it. Experience, references, demonstrates a great work ethic....all vitally important.

Absolutely, give her an allowance of a certain amount per month. I'd do the same for the younger one too. That will teach her to use her money sensibly and motivate her to get a job when she wants more. Will probably be enough for the younger sibling though.

It's holiday clothes, not a night on the tiles and one but not the other is hugely unfair. YABVU

My god how mean are you - I have just given my 27 year old son £275 to pay his Royal College of GP fees and money for his GMC fees

My son found it really hard to get a job when he was 16, though he did manage to get a couple of temporary jobs. Personally I'm a big believer in teenagers working Saturday or evening jobs, it helps them become mature and more independent, but the economy doesn't really work that way anymore.
I used to give my son £50/month, and help him out with clothes when I could, however he didn't have a particularly active social life at that stage.

DD may contact me during the day whilst I'm at work to tell me that she's with friends in Nando's or a nice Italian restaurant in town while I've been at my desk all day!

Aha! Jealousy! Got it. How sad. When she is your age, she will be working, shes just finished bloody school, her friends parents clearly don't have a problems with their DC chilling for the summer. Sad that you do have issues with it just because ''you are at your desk all day''. They are only young once. I feel rather sorry for your DD.

her friends parents clearly don't have a problems with their DC chilling for the summer

You have no way of knowing that these teenagers haven't got part time summer jobs or far less of an allowance than OPs DD

Are you really that poor? She's 16 ffs. You are really favouring DD2 over DD1 aren't you?
Ask your RL friends and colleagues for their opinions and be prepared for them to be shocked at your meanness.

My god you're cold, OP. She's only 16 FFS and she's still your daughter. I don't know how you can be like that with her, I really don't.

I think it is a lot easier if she has been used to pocket money, and having to make decisions about spending or saving, and choices about going round to friend's house (free) or going to costa or nandos or other places listed (costly).
If she hasn't been used to that, then a larger 'allowance' might be quite a challenge to manage at first.
With my dc, they continued to get pocket money up until the end of the school year after they turn 18. In our house though, pocket money is £18 for the month ( £16 at 16yrs old). If they want to waste money on fancy coffees out, then they do have to get jobs to earn it.

Mn says treat them as adults - until the idea of demonstrating that money doesn't grow on trees comes up....

Did she know the cash was to include holiday clothes? Does she actually need any new clothes?

I think that it is mean to treat them differently considering that the 16 has been working hard on her GCSEs and deserves a break. I wouldn't constantly give her money for trips to costa etc. That is what pocket money is for and when it is spent it is spent. Learning to budget is as important, if not more important than getting a job.

Ds found a job at 16 and loves having his own money. Obviously me and Dh still pay for the things for him. But the main thing is he understands he's growing up and if he needs extras like going out with friends and those expensive pair of trainers. He has to pay for them himself.

Sorry, OP, just noticed you already gave her some spending money. I would have said 'x amount is to be spent on clothes for holiday, the rest is to be spent however you want'.