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To ask if you would be able to forgive my DH?

214 replies

K1092902 · 13/07/2017 23:46

I'm sure some of you will recognise me from my post from last weekend which is here:

Long story short: found a pregnancy test in one of DSDs drawers last week. She is pregnant and has decided to keep the baby. DH hit the roof the other day, resorting to phoning the police as I took DD with us to my mums. Police weren't interested but DH turned up in the middle of the night demanding to see 3yo DD and my dad has to physically restrain him to stop him entering the house. I begged my dad not to call the police and he didn't but has expressed that he does not want DH anywhere near him, mum or the house again.

DH called me this evening to ask if I would meet him for a drink to discuss things. He said he can't support DSD choices but doesn't see why our marriage should be affected. He has said he may in time come round to the idea of being a grandparent at this age (I'm 34 and he's 43) but "can't make any promoses". He doesn't seem to understand this is his daughter we are talking about.

I have agreed DD can go and stay with him over the weekend but I can't go back to him- can I??

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 13/07/2017 23:49

Why would you forgive him when he is still being a twat??


BeeFarseer · 13/07/2017 23:49

I remember your thread.

No, you can't. I'm sorry he reacted that way.


WishfulThanking · 13/07/2017 23:51


PeaFaceMcgee · 13/07/2017 23:51

He seems an unstable tosser to me and I would be put right off him. This behaviour doesn't command any respect at all.

Unless he entirely changed his tune, apologised profusely and sought serious help for his anger mismanagement issues (and this isn't your DH) then I wouldn't be interested.


Madbum · 13/07/2017 23:52



Bugsylugs · 13/07/2017 23:54

Don't want to read and run. Have followed your posts, all so sad. I struggle to understand why he thinks this has no bearing on your marriage. Of course it does this could be your daughter in time. His poor daughter she is lucky to have you.

How can you forgive when he wants to carry on neglecting his daughter? If he acknowledged he was a prat but became supportive of her then there is something to forgive. What he is asking you to do is change your beliefs and moral ideals to suit him to the detriment of those you love. I don't think I could.


rightwhine · 13/07/2017 23:54

Er, just no.


BeepBeepMOVE · 13/07/2017 23:55

I could forgive his disappointment at his daughter throwing her life away but not at his aggression or anger issues.


LurpakIstheOnlyButter · 13/07/2017 23:55

The kind of man who won't put his daughter first is not worth your breath never mind your time.


indigox · 13/07/2017 23:56

Nope. I wouldn't even consider being with someone who can act in such a manner to their own daughter.


WishfulThanking · 13/07/2017 23:57


I didn't read the first thread.

I'm shocked that he's said he may 'in time come round to the idea of being a grandparent':

A) he has no choice, it is what it is regardless of how he handles it

B) his daughter is an adult and it is 2017, not 1917

C) what a fucking douchebag... funny how it is usually men who believe they can just opt out of parenthood

D) He was 25 when he had her, so a young parent too


PeaFaceMcgee · 13/07/2017 23:58

at his daughter throwing her life away Hmm


WishfulThanking · 13/07/2017 23:59

You need to LTB. (Ooh, my first!)

What makes you think that he wont take this attitude if it happens to your biological child?


Justhadmyhaircut · 13/07/2017 23:59

In time he may come around.
That's fucking so nice of him. .
By then you will be divorced and enjoying being a gm. .
He is a twat of the first degree. .


Crispbutty · 13/07/2017 23:59

I remember your first thread. You would be mad to go back.


WishfulThanking · 13/07/2017 23:59

He thinks she's throwing her life away so he'll just throw her away Hmm


PickAChew · 14/07/2017 00:00

No, you can't agree withthis.

He's an unsupportive bigoted dickhead of te highest order.

Think about it this way, it's not unusual to have strong views about teen pregnancy, but when your own children become involved, you realise how not black and whie your so caled morals are and start to react with kindness, while, like an adult, questioning your own current stance.

Only thing is, he's not prepared to budge an inch, but is suddenly realising that it's going to take some machinations to get his end away with you again....

The twat is only thinking with his dick. Keep your distance.


MummysBusy · 14/07/2017 00:01

I couldn't forgive that kind of aggression. I'm so sorry OP, this whole thing sounds dreadful. Flowers


Guiltypleasures001 · 14/07/2017 00:02

I wouldn't let my 3yr old round there till he had calmed down, in case he felt like playing silly buggers and kept her there.


PeterReidFaePeterheid · 14/07/2017 00:03

He is horrid, and totally I flexible in his thinking.

I wouldn't want him near either of your daughters - DD and DSD - and I am glad your dad reacted like a real man and supported HIS daughter.

I wouldn't be letting DD stay with him either - he's proven he is unstable with no judgement.


PeterReidFaePeterheid · 14/07/2017 00:03



marymarytoocontrary · 14/07/2017 00:05

no, with extra nope sauce.


Strokethefurrywall · 14/07/2017 00:06

I think your first thread showed the measure of your true character, and it is immense.

Unfortunately it also showed the measure of your husband's - I'm so sorry, but in taking him back, you would really be doing yourself and your life a huge disservice.

You don't need such a Neanderthal in your life, and neither do your daughter's. I appreciate that you can't stop him seeing your little one, and that's fine as she's his daughter too. But as a husband? No, this is one Neanderthal you can leave outside the cave.

Stay strong Flowers


AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/07/2017 00:06

I'm sorry he reacted as badly as you feared he would.

You, DSD & your little DD deserve way more than this. Get him out of the family home & get the family - you & the girls- back in it.

I know it's hard, but you are worth a hundred of him. He will destroy all if you if you stay with him. He's watched his daughter lose her Mum & he can still treat her like this?

If I was your DSD I wouldn't be allowing him to play Grandad if he decides he fancies that bit, he could go to fuck & stay there.

Be strong & stay apart - you're worth more than this


RainbowJack · 14/07/2017 00:07

I agree with your H which seemed to be the minority on your original thread. So I think you overreacted and I wouldn't have left.

But it's your and your daughters life so it's up to you.

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