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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of parents simply don't hear their children's noise...

219 replies

user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 08:47

and sometimes restaurant managers, librarians etc need to be more pro-active about stepping in?

I was in a restaurant yesterday having lunch with a friend. A mother with three children was sitting nearby. The toddler was banging a toy car repeatedly on the table, the little girl was talking in a really loud shrill voice and the slightly older boy was shouting loudly to be heard over her. The noise was deafening but the mother seemed really calm and so used to it that she didn't even notice it, or realise it was driving people mad.

The manager said nothing.

AIBU to think that he owed it to all his other paying customers to ensure that one table weren't allowed to create a disturbance and ruin other people's meals, and he should have sorted the situation somehow.

I've seen this a lot in restaurants and other public places and wish there was some kind of policy in place that enabled those in charge to tactfully step in when children are becoming loud and disruptive.

OP posts:
TeaBelle · 15/06/2017 08:50

You had a choice to go and stay there. If you don't like it then eat at home in silence.

Shadowboy · 15/06/2017 08:50

Yes I think as a parent we sometimes get so used to ignoring noise we almost don't realise how much it irritates others.

I try and be really considerate and when people are out at restaurants (maybe trying to escape their own children for a short period of time) I try not to negatively affect their time.

I do think kids are allowed to get away with much more than before in terms of behaviour. (Certainly noticed it at school)

SerfTerf · 15/06/2017 08:51

If you don't like it then eat at home in silence.

HmmConfused

That's a wee bit harsh.

WateryTart · 15/06/2017 08:52

YANBU. It's bad manners t allow children a so much noise that they disrupt other customers. Lazy parenting, it's a cafe not a playground.

WateryTart · 15/06/2017 08:53

Keyboard on the way out.

It's bad manners to allow children to make so much noise that they disrupt other customers. Lazy parenting, it's a cafe not a playground.

NicolasFlamel · 15/06/2017 08:53

I wouldn't have allowed my two to carry on like that but you'll have people saying you should have just ignored it or leave. Mine arent perfect by any means, I spent most of a family lunch yesterday telling them to behave but you can't just completely ignore them and let them cause chaos.

CruCru · 15/06/2017 08:54

What sort of restaurant was it? If it was Pizza Express etc then that doesn't sound so bad. Children were talking, not running around and screaming.

LadyinCement · 15/06/2017 08:54

When I was young you had to tiptoe around the library and whisper. Now there are scooters... scooters! Let alone the shrieking and bundling on the beanbags in the children's section.

There is a happy medium, I think.

No doubt someone will come along and say how they lurrrve children in Europe and welcome them in restaurants. They welcome well-behaved children. Many establishments will whack an extra service charge on tables whose occupants are disruptive and/or messy.

Creatureofthenight · 15/06/2017 08:56

There's a fine line in libraries between keeping the noise level appropriate and not putting off parents and families from using the library, especially those who have memories of the library as silent, unwelcoming and 'not for them'. I do feel for those who have come for some quiet, but it can often be those kids who really need the library as they don't have much access to books at home.
I totally sympathise though, my nephew Is cute but very loud, but no one except me seems to think so!

MrsPussinBoots · 15/06/2017 08:57

Yanbu but I have been there: fish and chips in a cafe after a really exhausting day when I was so tired that I couldn't hear the noise at all. Luckily the manager told DD off and I apologised to everyone.

However I've also worked in a library where noise was encouraged as "children having fun" and we weren't allowed to ask them to be quiet.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 15/06/2017 08:57

My dad has been know to shout "shut up!" in the middle of a supermarket when theres a kid screaming and screeching constantly on a different aisle when the parents are ignoring it rather than intervening.

SerfTerf · 15/06/2017 08:58

TBH I liked creeping and whispering in libraries.

I can extend quite a lot of goodwill to parents as long as they're attempting to keep things down. Your "oblivious mother" scenario would grate on me I think OP

sticklebrix · 15/06/2017 08:59

I definitely hear child noise more now that my own children are out of the little kid stage. We were pretty strict about not disturbing others.

Elmo230885 · 15/06/2017 08:59

That's a bit unfair @Teabelle

I think everyone will accept that not all children will sit perfectly still and quiet when out but there are ways to minimise their disruption. Also, yes, its true that you can choose to go child free places however why should be excluded from places just because people don't attempt to mind their children.

This type of behaviour tends to escalate. Starts with noise, then toys everywhere, then children running around when its unsafe. Its more the running around that bugs me. I used to work ( many moons ago) in a coffee shop and people would let their kids run around despite being asked not to. I saw several scolds from children banging into people with trays and drinks being dripped. I once knocked into a child with the clean up trolley spilling a cold leftover half hot chocolate and all the mum said was "she'll learn"!

Highalert · 15/06/2017 09:02

Meh. Kids are noisey. Go to an adults only restaurant if kids noise bugs you do much.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 09:10

It's the lack of intervention, particularly in restaurants where the owners are quite happy to charge you restaurant prices, but not so happy to ensure that the atmosphere remains conducive with those prices.

Our parents' generation didn't seem to be so oblivious to the noise their children made, but perhaps it was because in those days people did intervene and ask parents of noisy children to quieten their kids down. Nowadays, people seem to be afraid to say a word against anyone else's children for fear of repercussions.

OP posts:
TrollMummy · 15/06/2017 09:10

YANBU can't understand why some parents allow their children to behave like this. It's about teaching manners and having respect and consideration for others. My DCs went to restaurants from a very young age and they were expected to sit and not run about and make noise. It wasn't always easy and involved taking things they could do quietly when they got bored. If they misbehaved, we left and they didn't get pudding - this only happened once Grin

TheNaze73 · 15/06/2017 09:12

YANBU.

Other people's children can be annoying. Their parents may think it's hilarious but, in truth I do think restaurants should be proactive on it

kaytee87 · 15/06/2017 09:14

Meh sometimes the noise groups of adults make is appalling and no one tells them to shut up.

I do agree that asking older kids to keep their keep their voices down could be appropriate but trying to stop a toddler doing anything would likely result in a loud tantrum which would be worse than the toy banging.

hellobonjour · 15/06/2017 09:14

YANBU

kaytee87 · 15/06/2017 09:15

A great way of keeping a toddler quiet is an iPad and kids YouTube but then you'd get people starting threads on allowing toddlers screen time Wink

Original poster
user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 09:16

But how come it wasn't so prevalent when we were kids kaytee ? I really think restaurant owners etc have become very passive and don't always intervene when they should. And that should also apply to overly noisy groups of adults shouting and guffawing and bellowing into their phones

OP posts:
RoseVase2010 · 15/06/2017 09:18

I wish I could remain calm in the face of three noisy children!

I regularly take my 2 year old to coffee shops, in simple terms sitting at a table in public is a skill that needs to be taught and a coffee and a cake is an ideal opportunity. Yes he may make noise but I have to teach him to lower the tone. They don't just pop out with perfect table manners sadly.

Personally I don't really care how much noise other people's children make because I don't have to deal with it! 😎

RB68 · 15/06/2017 09:19

It would help if kids were not ignored by the adults - ie interacted with and encouraged to talk - I do think out in public sit on restaurant seats no screeching and overtalking and no noisy toys.

And yes I have a kid and no she never "roamed free" mithering other people

kaytee87 · 15/06/2017 09:19

I don't think people went out to eat with their young kids often in the 80s / 90s. We certainly didn't.

If I want a quiet childfree meal then I'll go out later and not to a family type restaurant. Kids noise doesn't really bother me that much though unless they're being really badly behaved which it doesn't sound like these kids were.