Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of parents simply don't hear their children's noise...

219 replies

user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 08:47

and sometimes restaurant managers, librarians etc need to be more pro-active about stepping in?

I was in a restaurant yesterday having lunch with a friend. A mother with three children was sitting nearby. The toddler was banging a toy car repeatedly on the table, the little girl was talking in a really loud shrill voice and the slightly older boy was shouting loudly to be heard over her. The noise was deafening but the mother seemed really calm and so used to it that she didn't even notice it, or realise it was driving people mad.

The manager said nothing.

AIBU to think that he owed it to all his other paying customers to ensure that one table weren't allowed to create a disturbance and ruin other people's meals, and he should have sorted the situation somehow.

I've seen this a lot in restaurants and other public places and wish there was some kind of policy in place that enabled those in charge to tactfully step in when children are becoming loud and disruptive.

OP posts:
drinkingtea · 15/06/2017 10:12

Children and adults can all be too loud and rude and annoying. Twas very thus.

Some people seem to get their hackles up waiting to be offended by children no matter what though, and that is as unreasonable as not controlling child behaviour which can be controlled (the banging and shouting).

PinkPeppers · 15/06/2017 10:13

Drum I would have walked out the supermarket until my dc had stopped screaming
.No way I would have forced people around me to endure his screaming. Sorry.

drinkingtea · 15/06/2017 10:13

Nina you're just saying everything that doesn't accord with your views is silly - which is silly. Like this thread.

nina2b · 15/06/2017 10:14

No.

tiggytape · 15/06/2017 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 10:16

Possibly the reason some people 'get their hackles up waiting to be offended by children' is because they have had so many experiences of inconsiderate or oblivious parents allowing their kids to create a racket, that they now automatically groan to themselves when they see a young family settling in at the table beside them in a restaurant.

Those parents are unfortunately creating a negative attitude towards young children in restaurants, which is unfair on everyone including the considerate and aware parents who don't let their children become overly noisy.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 10:18

Drinkingtea why do you dismiss a whole thread as silly, when the majority of posters agree with its premise.

It seems to be you dismissing anyone who doesn't agree with you as silly, not Nina.

OP posts:
LittleWitch · 15/06/2017 10:19

I was at an event last night which was very much not interesting to children. There were about half a dozen children there (no problem in principle, it wasn't that it was unsuitable for them, just boring!) and two of them managed to disrupt the entire thing.

During the speeches, these two went in and out and in and out and in and out of the room, each time pushing through the seated audience to ask their parent if they could, only to be ignored. The door to the room was open because it was hot, so when they went out, to run up and down the stairs and jump off the landing, their shrieks could be heard over the speakers. Parent did nothing. The children got hotter and hotter and louder and louder until, inevitably, there were tears. Parent did nothing.

When the food came, they ran in and out of the buffet area, carrying food in their hands and spilling juice. Parent did nothing. I don't know how it ended because I left before they did, but frankly, it was bizarre.

EpoxyResin · 15/06/2017 10:22

Epoxy why is it necessary to lower expectations?

I'm not seeing a lot of examples on this thread of kids being especially naughty if I'm honest. It seems more to me that a fair few people have this expectation that their comfort and satisfaction are everyone else's top priority when they're out and about. That being the case I think it's no wonder they're regularly disappointed by restaurant managers and the like who don't share their entitled world view, because I think most people agree in a shared space we all have the right to enjoy it within reason (disclaimer: in private spaces like restaurants it is obviously at the proprietor's discretion). I do think a kid banging a car or having a shrill voice is absolutely within reason, and falls squarely into the "tough shit" category I'm afraid.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/06/2017 10:24

I'm not sure parents don't hear their children but obviously their attitude to children making noise will be different because they may not be annoyed by their child's tone of voice (ie they won't think it is shrill).

You can't expect the manager to guess whether someone else's noise is bothering you or not. Why didn't you ask to be moved to another table? I've been out with my DS (7) for lunch and asked to be moved to a quieter table because there were very noisy children beside us. It seemed the easiest and most practical solution. The customers we find noisy are paying too so the staff aren't going to risk losing their custom just to appease one other customer.

Trunkisareshite · 15/06/2017 10:24

I've seen restaurant and cafe staff approach parents before. The problem is always that if you require someone to return your child to you when eating out you don't actually give a fuck what anyone thinks, how your lack of basic parenting and child bad behaviour impacts on anyone else so it's a waste of time.

Best thing you can do if focus on not bringing up badly behaved kids yourself.

I wonder how much the use of technology to babysit/ entertain kids has impacted some of the antisocial behaviour I've witnessed? If more people (and I don't include those for whom using tech is essential or a minimal use of it when no amount of shushing will work) actually bothered to speak to their kids and show them how to behave rather than chucking an iPad at their kid and sitting glued to their phones perhaps we'd have better behaved kids?

Original poster
user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 10:25

I don't think it's 'entitled' to expect to have a reasonable level of peace and quiet when you're eating out . I think it's quite entitled to think that other people should lower perfectly reasonable expectations in order to accommodate your children in a shared public space, or to object when asked to quieten them down by restaurant managers etc.

OP posts:
lozzylizzy · 15/06/2017 10:25

My dad has been know to shout "shut up!" in the middle of a supermarket when theres a kid screaming and screeching constantly on a different aisle when the parents are ignoring it rather than intervening.

I have ignored my kids when they are throwing one in the supermarket trolley as talking to them when they are totally hysterical is pointless. If they were having a tantrum I would just carry on as normal until they had stopped and then had a word when they were calmer. Toddlers can be irrational and your dad would have been told 'right back at ya'

SerfTerf · 15/06/2017 10:26

. I do think a kid banging a car or having a shrill voice is absolutely within reason, and falls squarely into the "tough shit" category I'm afraid.

That's not very fair on the child either, though, is it?

We all have to learn not to be anti-social little shits for our OWN benefit as much as everyone else's.

lozzylizzy · 15/06/2017 10:26

Restuarants are a different matter and if I had a toddler who was kicking off I would take them outside/home if they didn't stop quickly.

Trunkisareshite · 15/06/2017 10:26

Sorry the 'return your child' bit is because I've witness on more than one occasion kids running about yelling and having to be brought back to their parents.

EpoxyResin · 15/06/2017 10:28

I don't think it's 'entitled' to expect to have a reasonable level of peace and quiet

Yeah, a reasonable level of peace and quiet. You don't really get to be put-out by the shrillness of a child's voice.

EpoxyResin · 15/06/2017 10:29

That's not very fair on the child either, though, is it?

Kid can't help her voice can she!

corythatwas · 15/06/2017 10:35

Totally agree re toddler banging car and older boy shouting. But as for the little girl talking in a shrill voice- would you have felt the same about an adult male talking in a loud booming voice and laughing loudly? Dd and I ate out recently and had our whole conversation spoilt not by the party of 8 further down the restaurant, but by the two men who formed part of that party and who boomed their way through the evening with outbursts of loud laughter every 5 minutes. What would the solution be? A child-only restaurant?

ForFSake · 15/06/2017 10:35

*I loathe the "children are noisy, deal with it" attitude. Nothing but a justification of lazy parenting.

It's up there with "boys will be boys" for me.

Many times parents DO hear it. They just think it's cute or adorable. It's not.*

Totally agree, also totally agree with PinkPeppers if children were taught to behave properly at home, it wouldn't be nearly so bad out in public places. Start as you mean to go on I say.

corythatwas · 15/06/2017 10:39

I always worked very hard to keep my children engaged and quietly involved when we were out and walked out at the first sign of loss of control. I suppose that's why I find it annoying that everybody seems so tolerant of adult noise. I wish somebody would just sit those men down and tell them the story of Cinderella sotto voce. And walk them out if it didn't help.

HazelBite · 15/06/2017 10:39

DH and I (in our 60's) were discussing the other day how as we have got older we are less tolerant of noise, it physically hurts our ears. This was after a child was shrilly screeching incessantly in the supermarket.

However he reminded me that I flatly refused to take all our DC's to the supermarket when they were young and sent him on his own with a list.
I know this is not practical when you have Dc's, but should a trip to the supermarket be a family outing on a Sunday?
My take on this is kids are essentially bored, in the supermarket, or in a restaurant when waiting for food. Boredom causes misbehaviour/noise why inflict it on your Dc's and others. It is an extremely selfish attitude to make children sit up and wait up to half an hour for food (it doesn't happen at home)
Do everyone a favour and don't take your Dc's to places where they will get bored!

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 15/06/2017 10:41

there are a million restaurants where there wouldnt be any kids and if there were they would be quiet ones.

they sound more suited to what you want from a restaurant , tbh.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 10:49

I'm not sure what your point is Finally. You don't know, until it happens, that there's going to be exceptionally noisy children beside you.

This wasn't 't a McDonald's type restaurant. It was a medium priced one with more adults than children present.

OP posts:
Justbreathing · 15/06/2017 10:50

I once told a child who was being extremely badly behaved and noisy to be quiet in a very soft tone with a seriously stern look.

and guess what it STFU immediately

I wasn't rude or aggressive. Sometimes I think it might actually be better coming from a different adult, it certainly makes them listen! as it's not boring old parent telling them for the 100th time.

Obviously this does not work for babies and I just feel very sorry for anyone with a screaming baby, as there is not much you can do.