To think a lot of parents simply don't hear their children's noise...

[user1485342611]

and sometimes restaurant managers, librarians etc need to be more pro-active about stepping in?

I was in a restaurant yesterday having lunch with a friend. A mother with three children was sitting nearby. The toddler was banging a toy car repeatedly on the table, the little girl was talking in a really loud shrill voice and the slightly older boy was shouting loudly to be heard over her. The noise was deafening but the mother seemed really calm and so used to it that she didn't even notice it, or realise it was driving people mad.

The manager said nothing.

AIBU to think that he owed it to all his other paying customers to ensure that one table weren't allowed to create a disturbance and ruin other people's meals, and he should have sorted the situation somehow.

I've seen this a lot in restaurants and other public places and wish there was some kind of policy in place that enabled those in charge to tactfully step in when children are becoming loud and disruptive.

Imagine-
My child also has a disability and sometimes her behaviour can be difficult to manage. I think in these cases it is clear that we are making an effort to manage the situation the best w me can and people usually understand this and society is overall sympathetic to these circumstances, the ones shooting you a look are total dicks and should be ignored. I think this thread is about parents that are clearly ignoring their children and letting them behave how they like, which is lazy. You are definitely not this parent.

*we not w me

Just because lots of people are uptight doesnt mean she is wrong

My dad has been know to shout "shut up!" in the middle of a supermarket when theres a kid screaming and screeching constantly on a different aisle when the parents are ignoring it rather than intervening.

And what if the parents do intervene and the child carries on? One of my children has asd and sometimes he is louuud in a supermarket. I do intervene but sometimes he carries on. I'm sorry to say this but if your dad told him to shut up he would be doing more harm than good. Not only would he upset DS but I would be pretty pissed off at him as well.

Shouting passive aggressively like that is really cringeworthy.

No, she is wrong because she's inconsiderate and treats people in a way that she didn't like being treated herself.

By feeding her kid and trying to keep her quiet? Alrighty then

As I said Finally we can keep quoting bits of her post out of context. But I personally can't be bothered continuing with this pointless argument. We'll have to agree to disagree.

To go back to my original point, I really do think restaurants, libraries etc should have some kind of policy for dealing with inconsiderate people who lack awareness. As other posters have pointed out, it is not only parents of rowdy kids who are culprits here, but also the many adults who think it's okay to shout, screech with laughter, and generally take over and act as if they're the only people trying to enjoy a meal or whatever.

Otherwise, it is simply unfair on the other clients or customers also trying to use a space and in the case of restaurants, paying generously for the privilege.

whers all these adult restaurants we should go to then?

i dont mind kids as long as thyre not shouting and banging

LakieLady you've already explained you don't choose to work in a cafe, but that doesn't make it any more appropriate a venue for 'a discreet discussion with someone about their addiction issues, being abused by a partner or poor mental health'. A cafe's not a soft-play centre, but it's not a therapy venue or office either.

I agree entirely, which is why, when doing face to face work in the community, sensitive matters are dealt with later by telephone. But this was a phone call, and only a first name is used, no names are on any paperwork that leaves the office, so confidentiality is not compromised.

Unfortunately, this is one of the results of austerity. Community offices that we used to be able to use for free now charge, and the service commissioners will not fund the charges.

There is a difference between chatty vocal kids and naughty kids. I would rather hear the noise of small kids, even a toddler noisily playing with car t

That a mother telling them off for.... being kids. Parents cant always stay in with kids yo protect the peace of precious adults.
If I hear a tantrum I smile and am glad I don't habe to deal with it. Ahh

How pathetic. Kids need to be shown how to behave in public and if parents can't or won't do that, then yes they need to stay in. I'm sick to death of having screaming kids interrupt my conversations in cafes or restaurants and no I don't just go to Costa or Pizza Express.

Tbh. I think it depends. We used to go to a certain family establishment spoons all the time (once a week). They had two separate areas. The family room, and the grown up bit. You'd guarantee you'd have a stream of grown ups who's popped in for a quite one would gtavitate downstairs to the family room in all weathers, the summer for the nice cool draughts from the big sash windows and the winter to hog the raging coal fire that was always lit! I still remember one poor mum getting glared at by one such couple throughout their entire meal because her baby her was being weaned wasn't quite enough

I always tell DS to use his inside voice, a lot of time time from my own experience (DS has SNs). It's not about ignoring them as such, it's about not giving them the reaction they are after, someone else telling DS off for me is a) assuming I cant do my job properly as a parent and b) giving him the reaction he is after.

Yanbu. We have two incredibly noisy children, they scream and shout around the house, as much as I shush and tell them to quieten down it seems to be the only way they communicate. They're quite extroverted like their dad, while I'm very much an introvert and noise upsets me. Anyway, me and dp were in the garden yesterday evening, and my neighbour had been playing music all day and he rather loudly said 'can I just have 5 minutes of quiet!' Aimed at said neighbour. I had to remind him that she's probably been playing music to drown out the noise of our kids!

OP they are kids for Christ sakes!
You really sound all high and mighty with your "the manager did nothing" attitude are you for real? Do us parents a favour and next time, you and your judgemental attitude stay at home. Thanks!!

As a restaurant manager myself I can categorically say I will never again intervene with a family or child unless they are obviously causing a health and safety issue (e.g. Throwing things or pouring drinks purposefully on the floor etc). I have been physically and verbally abused by members of the public for deigning to mention that they may be behaving inappropriately (adults and children). After being assaulted last year at work while pregnant my husband has made me promise not to intervene again.
For all those who suggest that it is the restaurant owners responsibility, it is not. I am there to make sure that people have a pleasant experience, but not at the risk of injury to myself.

Ready for a game of bingo:

• shouldn't go to cafes etc if you don't like noise
• you don't know what's going on
• the child might have had SEN needs
• glad you're a perfect parent
• oh so your children behave perfectly all the time
• you don't have to be there. You are free to go home.

No child is perfect. But parents can choose whether to help settle a child (or try at least) or ignore.

Like a few other posters, I'm assuming anyone who takes the view "kids are kids / I am a paying customer so you can't police my children / if you can't deal with a little play noise then go home" are probably guilty of allowing their children to scream, play loudly, use heelies in Tesco, be generally inconsiderate etc.

I agree that parents have a responsibility to parent their children and not allow them to be disruptive and too noisy. I do sometimes find taking our two very lively girls out to restaurants stressful because I know that other diners want to be able to relax when they go out for a meal. We therefore mostly go to child friendly places like Pizza Hut where some noise is expected.
I get where the OP is coming from, but I do think her complaint about a child's shrill voice was over the top. I also think it was unfair to expect the manager to intervene in that situation. If the children were running around it would be a different matter, of course.

Well.maisy assuming makes an ass of you.

And not me.

My child cannot use heelies and does not run around in restaurants.

And its crappy to say people can't mention their own child's additional needs becsuse thats all that people have done here. Its not just a handy "bingo entry" for them

Suntrapped is not being perfectly reasonable. She's expecting other people to put up with something she wasn't prepared to put up with before she had children herself

Ironic isn't it
Yet I did put up with it. I found it annoying and glared at the parents. It ruined many a romantic meal if I'm honest, because I let it. I felt my right to quiet was more important than parents right to dine out with small kids. Now I'm good at tuning out noise.
I've paid my dues!

I simply don't care much what others think of me. People resenting my child's noise isn't high on my priorities.

she comes across as selfish and inconsiderate and prepared to now treat others in a way she disliked being treated before she had children

Looking back, I was very intolerant and precious about noise before I had kids. And ignorant. I didn't realise toddlers make noise no matter how hard you try to quieten them. I also didn't realise that when I had my own, I'd love her so intensely that I couldn't care less if her noise upset people at the next table. I feel only defiance or amusement when people glare.

I don't want to be shushing her every time we eat out, or frightening her into silence. Why would I care more about you than her? Shouting and banging is how toddlers express themselves. They are too young to understand the concept of disturbing people. Eating out should be a happy exciting experience, not one where they are told off or constantly disciplined. I won't avoid eating out with mine, nor will I take her out if she gets noisy. However we do go to places that are fairly child friendly and always at lunchtime or before 6pm. I remind her of being quiet and take various toys and books, including a tablet with games.

finally
I have zero issue people mentioning their own experience.

What I do have is an issue with the way almost any thread on a child behaving badly or parents allowing their kids to behave inappropriately usually ends up with the same few entrenched positions of assuming the child has an additional need or judging the OP for daring to consider a child be badly behaved as if somehow everyone else is so pure and righteous thay they never judge anyone or any situation ever (which is total nonsense because we all do).

I do find it unhelpful the way so many threads jump from bad behaviour to send needs.

It's like some adults are rude and dickheads. Some children behave badly because they have been allowed to. I don't get why saying that is so damn controversial on MN.

Hear hear.

Regardless, it's not a meeting place or a place set aside for work. There's a happy medium when it comes to childrens' noise but it's not on to complain about it so you can conduct work.

And it's a café, not a soft play, so it's not on for your child to disrupt others' enjoyment of that environment! Honestly, listen to yourself!