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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of parents simply don't hear their children's noise...

219 replies

user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 08:47

and sometimes restaurant managers, librarians etc need to be more pro-active about stepping in?

I was in a restaurant yesterday having lunch with a friend. A mother with three children was sitting nearby. The toddler was banging a toy car repeatedly on the table, the little girl was talking in a really loud shrill voice and the slightly older boy was shouting loudly to be heard over her. The noise was deafening but the mother seemed really calm and so used to it that she didn't even notice it, or realise it was driving people mad.

The manager said nothing.

AIBU to think that he owed it to all his other paying customers to ensure that one table weren't allowed to create a disturbance and ruin other people's meals, and he should have sorted the situation somehow.

I've seen this a lot in restaurants and other public places and wish there was some kind of policy in place that enabled those in charge to tactfully step in when children are becoming loud and disruptive.

OP posts:
nina2b · 15/06/2017 09:51

Today 09:45 drinkingtea

Almost 's dad is obviously an example of an adult who is louder, ruder and more unpleasant to be around than most children. Unless his outbursts are due to dementia (in which case presumably his carer should be apologising on his behalf according to the logic that parents would do that if children were loudly rude in public) then presumably he was very badly brought up "back in the day".

aintnothinbutagstring · 15/06/2017 09:52

God yes, our neighbour above us has a little horror of a 3/4yr old. Honestly, I'd never call a child a little shit, but she is! Currently throwing another one of her bratty tantrums, screaming and stomping her feet, I wouldn't mind but it could go on for over an hour. Her parents just ineffectually try to talk her out of it. I feel like getting a broom and banging the ceiling.

MrsOverTheRoad · 15/06/2017 09:53

It annoys me too. I had to get a bus today...40 minute journey with a small boy shrilling the whole way.

He was so frigging LOUD! Is it just me or do some parents not care or notice? Well obviously you notice OP! Thank God it's not everyone!

He was loud on the end word of each sentence..

"Can I get DOWN!??"

No.

Want to get DOWN!!!

No.

Look it's a fire ENGINE!

Oh yes...

It's red isn't it MUMMY!!!

I was so tense by the time the journey ended!

McTufty · 15/06/2017 09:54

This only applies up to a certain level of noise/disruption but I agree that some parents are so used to living their life to a chorus of child background noise that they don't realise that to those who arent, it's really distracting. Most obvious example being wedding ceremonies where on two occasions people I usually think of as sensible and considerate haven't removed their babies who were being noisy (not crying, babbling and squealing etc). It was probably the norm to them but I found it very distracting. I think they just didn't realise.

user1467976192 · 15/06/2017 09:56

Problem is we had a local restaurant where the manager did intervene, she was slated on trip advisor

nina2b · 15/06/2017 09:56

Posted too soon.

Anyway, that post is unacceptable with its reference to dementia and carers. Do try to get a sense of proportion and desist from making offensive comments about how others react to the bad behaviour of children in PUBLIC spaces.

drinkingtea · 15/06/2017 09:56

Pink in a restaurant how will it "not be to their advantage" to be judged silently by people they'll never see again? The loud parties of adults generally don't realise they are loud, don't care, or worst of all think everyone is jealous of how much fun they're having.

Some kids are annoying and loud, some adults are annoying and loud, some MNers are holier than thou but probably really annoying to other people in some other part of their life (barking dog, cat that covers other gardens in shit, inconsiderate parking, eating at the cinema, shouting at people in supermarkets, driving at 50mph on safe national speed limit roads in good conditions then continuing at 48mph through 30 limited villages... The lists of possibilities are endless...)

I'm not saying children should be allowed to do as they like at all - I'm pretty hard on my kids and would never allow table banging or shouting at the table at home or in public. However the inclusion of the child having a "shrill voice" in the litany of complaints betrays the op's identity as a person almost guaranteed to be offended by a child's presence unless they were a reborn doll totally silent and still.

nina2b · 15/06/2017 09:58

Response to drinkingtea

Anyway, that post is unacceptable with its reference to dementia and carers. Do try to get a sense of proportion and desist from making offensive comments about how others react to the bad behaviour of children in PUBLIC spaces.

drinkingtea · 15/06/2017 10:00

Nina do you think it's fine to yell "shut up" at strangers in a supermarket?

drinkingtea · 15/06/2017 10:01

MrsOver you are objecting to a conversation - a parent interacting with their child, saying no when appropriate etc.

user1495390685 · 15/06/2017 10:02

YANBU, OP. Did you get taken out to lots of restaurants when you were little? I remember being take to a café once:-) Now it happens all the time. There is a definitely a MC type who don't like to interfere in their kids' "natural desire to express themselves". I always bring stuff for mine to do, so they can keep quiet: a magazine, a book, pens and paper, a little game. There are ways to keep them quiet before they understand -- and it is down to the parents, not restaurant owners.

nina2b · 15/06/2017 10:02

I love the "holier than thou" comments. Instead of trotting them out so tediously, why don't you keep your children under control? (I am presuming anyone trotting or such a comment is an inconsiderate parent.)

nina2b · 15/06/2017 10:04

Today 10:00 drinkingtea

Nina do you think it's fine to yell "shut up" at strangers in a supermarket?

Do you think it's fine to make snide comments about people with dementia? It wasn't in the least bit clever.

WateryTart · 15/06/2017 10:05

That is disgustingly rude, who tells another person to "shut up", maybe you need to teach your father some manners.

She wouldn't need to if lazy parents bothered to parent.

drinkingtea · 15/06/2017 10:06

And ain't how would you deal with a toddler tantrum in your own home? Waiting it out is the generally recommended approach. What was the solution "back in the day"? A swift clip around the ear?

Some parents do fail to parent, but people on this thread would object to absolutely anything by the sound of it!

I'm not especially young and don't believe that parents back in the day had a way to stop a toddler tantum short of physical violence or giving in...

EpoxyResin · 15/06/2017 10:06

Ha! I think you're being a bit silly so YABU. A toddler was banging a toy car (a toy car people, not a bass drum!) and you took objection to a little girl's "shrill" voice Confused Yeah, older kid shouldn't be shouting - a quick "don't shout dear" would be desirable - but gosh, where did you think you were, a library??

And the pp who was gritting their teeth through a bus journey with a perfectly pleasant child with a malfunctioning volume control, christ. Kids exist. You share public spaces with them. Unless they're actually being obnoxious I think you need to lower your expectations of the general public when you're out and about.

TheNoodlesIncident · 15/06/2017 10:06

It could well be McTufty, before I had a child I really noticed kiddy clamour, now I seem to be able to blank it out. Sometimes ds will point out there's a baby crying (eg in the supermarket) and I'll become aware of it (and say "Oh yes, babies do that, we all have had a turn of being the noisy baby") but I genuinely hadn't noticed.

I have tried to teach ds to speak using an "indoor voice" which works if he is on his own, but with other children he seems to have to ramp it up to be heard over the others. I expect they are all just trying to be heard

Fintress · 15/06/2017 10:07

I loathe the "children are noisy, deal with it" attitude. Nothing but a justification of lazy parenting.

This, verbatim.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 15/06/2017 10:07

No Drinkingtea I don't expect kids to behave like living dolls.

But neither do I allow them to shriek constantly in a really high pitched voice in restaurants. Saying 'shush' to your child when their voice starts to become really shrill and loud in a public place is good parenting not being 'overly offended'.

OP posts:
PinkPeppers · 15/06/2017 10:07

drinking Im actually not thinking about a restaurant where they would annoy other people but bwhat the heck, they dont know them and wontbsee them again so thats ok.

Im thinking of what sunshine was saying. Friends that are getting annoying because they are loud/rude.... when you are somehwere WITH THEM.
Im thinking about what happens at work.
Im thinking about most normal situations where being loud and shrieking etc... will be a disadavantage to you. And they are the majority of the interactions one person has.

Beside, if poeple dont know them, is that a reason good enough not to be careful about them and carry on being loud ??

Drmum123 · 15/06/2017 10:07

I get what you are all saying. And I really really try to get my kids to keep their voices down when we are out. They are 7,6,3 and 6months. However, sometimes it's really hard, and I feel fine telling them off when they are being naughty but it's hard when they are just excited and happy! We try and go to family friendly places only and always remind them that other people are eating etc..
But sometimes I ignore because engaging adds fuel to the fire. For example I have gone to the supermarket with three year old and baby. Three year old asks to walk. I say yes as long as you stay near trolley and don't run off. 3 year old runs off giggling. I say do that again and you get into the trolley. Three year old runs off again. I wrestle three year old into the trolley. Three year old screams for 5 minutes. I completely ignore it, and he does stop quicker than if I fuel it. If someone shouted at him to shut up, I would not be best pleased! I could I suppose just leave.... But I usually really need something!

I really try to be considerate and one of us has often taken a noisy child out for five minutes, to try and quieten them down, but how will they learn if you don't take them out!

nina2b · 15/06/2017 10:08

The "back in the day" references are also silly. People of all ages find the behaviour of such children and their parents unacceptable.

drinkingtea · 15/06/2017 10:09

Nina it wasn't a snide comment; dementia is one of very few reasons an adult shouting "shut up" at strangers in the supermarket would be understandable. An adult without mental health problems would have absolutely no excuse.

mellowbean · 15/06/2017 10:09

If I'm out without my kids I absolutely do not want to hear other kids making shit loads of noise.

As a parent I would gladly be happy for restaurants that ban kids.

PinkPeppers · 15/06/2017 10:11

Epoxy why is it necessary to lower expectations?
Why is it ok to ask one part of the population to do that and adapt not not another?

Ive had a child with 'volume control issues'. I can promise you that he woudnt have carried n screaming like this in a bus or a train.
I woud ensure I was talking to him, engaged him whilst telling with him use a 'quieter voice'. (Because in my experience, kids scream to get attention btw, if its the only way theu get the adult with them to engage, they will carry n which is exactly what that poster was decsribing)