To think a lot of parents simply don't hear their children's noise...

[user1485342611]

and sometimes restaurant managers, librarians etc need to be more pro-active about stepping in?

I was in a restaurant yesterday having lunch with a friend. A mother with three children was sitting nearby. The toddler was banging a toy car repeatedly on the table, the little girl was talking in a really loud shrill voice and the slightly older boy was shouting loudly to be heard over her. The noise was deafening but the mother seemed really calm and so used to it that she didn't even notice it, or realise it was driving people mad.

The manager said nothing.

AIBU to think that he owed it to all his other paying customers to ensure that one table weren't allowed to create a disturbance and ruin other people's meals, and he should have sorted the situation somehow.

I've seen this a lot in restaurants and other public places and wish there was some kind of policy in place that enabled those in charge to tactfully step in when children are becoming loud and disruptive.

I don't choose to work in a cafe, Really, I am required to do much of it out in the community and have very few alternatives

Regardless, it's not a meeting place or a place set aside for work. There's a happy medium when it comes to childrens' noise but it's not on to complain about it so you can conduct work.

*Kids need to learn and it takes practice"

I taught my children to behave at home before inflicting them on an unsuspecting public. They had been fairly well behaved as babies, but DH and I took them out for lunch when they were 18 months old and realized that phase had worn out. We kept to fast food type meals eating out after that, and even then had quite a few occasions of one DD having to leave to sit in the car for a while. Strangely by the time they were 4 they were able to sit in an extremely nice restaurant for a long family meal while behaving pleasantly. That was because the manners expected in restaurants were the manners expected during meals at home.

I think you do get better at blocking out child noise when you have them, for your own sanity. I used to hate screaming children before I had any, but then when MrNC and I managed a meal out without kids, a toddler started a tantrum, and we looked at each other, relaxed and said "aaah - a screaming child and it's not our problem!" Hardly noticed it at all.

My ds would love to be taken home, and if he thought kicking off would get that, he'd be staging a tantrum immediately. Sadly for him I think practicing table manners should be done every month or so, so force him to a cafe.

Yes to everything there citrus. Mine would love to be taken home rather than sat in chairs and expected to act like a human. And I love that feeling of realising the screaming isn't coming from your child, and you don't have to do anything but have another drink

People are holding addiction and anger management/domestic abuse sessions in public?

That is so unprofessional.

Ask a local library or church if you can use a meeting room or similar so you can be private if you can't afford to rent a therapy room. The Methodist churches where I am are particularly hot on letting people use their facilities for good works, even if not directly associated with them.

Which bit of "I don't choose to work in a cafe" are you struggling to understand,

Some people work from home so have no office.
Others are on the road seeing clients.
It is not unreasonable for adults to want a bit of peace and quiet in a cafe. It is unreasonable for adults to bend over backwards to accomodate your children.

And I'll swear wherever I like, thank you very much

Since having dc I have become both more and less aware of the noise they make. I'm a SAHM to a very verbal almost 2 year old dd and a 3.5 year old ds. They start talking at 6.30 am and are sometimes still chatting when I close their bedroom doors at 7.30 pm. The boy in particular can can talk about robots for longer than any human should have to listen. It's like living with a pissed Jack Kerouac. Lovely but I would go actually insane if I listened with rapt attention to every word. So I'm sure sometimes between them they making a fair amount of noise and it's going largely over my head! However this is when we're out and about, on the bus, walking along the canal etc.

When we go into a cafe/restaurant I become ridiculously aware of any raised voices, banging of toys etc. I often find myself apologising to people who reply 'seriously, they're fine!'.

When I was little we ate out much more infrequently than me and most of my friends with kids do now so maybe parents weren't just intrinsically better, more there was less opportunity to piss others off.

suntrapped

Oh you're one of those parents who thinks the world revolves around their child.

And you're one of these cats bum faced people?

"Kids won't learn if they are always taken away, though".

Neither will they learn if their parents sit there and do nothing to quieten them. Taking the away gives the message that their behaviour is not acceptable in a restaurant, library or wherever.

finally

Nope! All I've said on this thread is I think parents get more used to the sound of noise and don't realise. However to say "my child needs feeding so to hell with everyone else" isn't a nice attitude. Basic consideration should apply whether you're a parent or child free - and yes that does extend to the child free realising parents can have a tough time keeping children quiet and shouldn't be barred from leaving the house for fear of making noise.

She said she does her best but also wants to feed her child.

Except on cats bum world MN

I mean perfectly reasonable except on cats bum MN

And I'll swear wherever I like, thank you very much

Just as some people don't like to hear children's noise, others don't like to hear swearing. Just as you can consider noisy children to be ill-behaved and badly brought up, I consider adults swearing in public to also be ill-behaved and badly brought up, with the added dimension of clearly never having learned how to behave appropriately in public to boot.

Interestingly, children screaming in public does not constitute a public order offence. The same cannot be said for using obscene language.

Finally she said 'if she annoys other people that's not my problem".

Typical attitude of a selfish parent.

I was in Lidl this morning and I could hear really odd noises like a the sound of a baby animal that's trapped. I heard it for about 10 minutes.
When I happened upon where the noise was coming from, there was a 3 yr old girl sitting on top of her baby brother in the buggy. Not only that, she was squeezing it's face, pulling up the skin around its eyes and just generally treating it like a human ride in fidget spinner. I guess the strange squeaks rather than tears were due to the baby Boeing so used to it.
Meanwhile the mum, right next to them was browsing quite happily.

Taking them away will give some children the message. For some it will give no message at all or give others a way of avoiding places. For still others you have to sit through the 10 minutes of upset noise every time you take them somewhere new.

Well if you're going to get enormously annoyed by a 2 year old I suspect you have an attitude problem.

"You" beung generic you.

No one gets annoyed with a 2 year old. It's the inconsiderate parent that's at fault, not the small child.

Or even at the patent if a 2 year old who is doing their best but just feeding their kid

But she's not doing her best. Her attitude is that she just doesn't care that much and it's not her problem.

I do shush her, remind her to keep voice down, interact, distract her and sometimes resort to Bing on the tablet (volume low) but she's excitable and forgets to be quiet

I think everyone is forgetting that a cafe/restaurant is usually not a "public space" it is someone's business, they will have worked hard and spent a lot of money to create an "welcoming for all" ambience and they need to make money to support their own families. To enter their establishment and treat the place in an entitled and selfish way is disrespectful and rude to the owner and other customers. Everyone should behave in a socially acceptable manner when dining out and children need to be taught this to make a pleasant experience for all. Il get off my high horse now.

Yes some parents don't control their children but stop before judging - a child might possibly have something like autism. My DS has some behaviours that look like 'bad' behaviour but actually are due to a disability. I 'parent' him so much, i never relax but sometimes something small happens and the looks i get from certain people cut like a knife. Some stranger makes a snap judgment that I'm not parenting properly and my child is just badly behaved.

Finally we could both keep quoting bits of her post out of context, but in my view and that of most other posters who have commented, she comes across as selfish and inconsiderate and prepared to now treat others in a way she disliked being treated before she had children.