To think a lot of parents simply don't hear their children's noise...

[user1485342611]

and sometimes restaurant managers, librarians etc need to be more pro-active about stepping in?

I was in a restaurant yesterday having lunch with a friend. A mother with three children was sitting nearby. The toddler was banging a toy car repeatedly on the table, the little girl was talking in a really loud shrill voice and the slightly older boy was shouting loudly to be heard over her. The noise was deafening but the mother seemed really calm and so used to it that she didn't even notice it, or realise it was driving people mad.

The manager said nothing.

AIBU to think that he owed it to all his other paying customers to ensure that one table weren't allowed to create a disturbance and ruin other people's meals, and he should have sorted the situation somehow.

I've seen this a lot in restaurants and other public places and wish there was some kind of policy in place that enabled those in charge to tactfully step in when children are becoming loud and disruptive.

My dad has been know to shout "shut up!" in the middle of a supermarket when theres a kid screaming and screeching constantly on a different aisle when the parents are ignoring it rather than intervening.

That is disgustingly rude, who tells another person to "shut up", maybe you need to teach your father some manners.

Everyone should be more considerate and think about how their actions are impacting on others, I think.

When I was little, it was a huge treat to go out for a meal and we, certainly didn't go out when I was a toddler. Today people go out to eat much more, and with younger dc.

I don't think you need 'adults only' restaurants - but you do need parents to parent.

I don't think people went out to eat with their young kids often in the 80s / 90s. We certainly didn't.

Everyone went to Little Chef or Happy Eaters!

YANBU - I was out with my extended family including young nieces and nephews and the tables had the treadles still on them (used to be old sewing machines). The kids discovered them and started treadling and one was very squeaky. I couldn't hear it very well, it being high pitched, but the waiter came over and asked me to ask them to stop - which I did and apologised.

What can be wrong with a polite request?

YAnbu at all. It's the parents who don't even at least try to address it that annoy me most. I have more sympathy with someone who is at least making a valiant attempt at distracting/calming things down. Children left to run about in restaurants is not on.

RB68 is right though it would probably help if the adults chatted to the children in a low voice as that would encourage the children to be quieter. I've noticed when my 2.5yo nephew is shouting, if I begin to whisper he quiets down immediately.

Yanbu

Noisy children seem to be everywhere these days

Parents either ignoring the noise or joining in with it (is it possible the whole bus doesn't want to hear you all singing loudly before I've had any coffee?!)

Libraries used to be nice quiet calm places but so many people with small children just don't understand that

Other people's children really put me off having children myself

I agree with RB68 - often parents just don't interact with their dcs. I was in the dentist's waiting room yesterday and a cute little girl said, "Love you, Mum." The mother didn't reply as she was so absorbed in her phone.

YANBU. Taking kids to a restaurant is an opportunity to teach them how to behave not a time to zone out and let them disturb others.

AlmostA Doesn't your dad sound nice .

OP:
The needs of the majority i.e. their comfort and their right to expect a reasonable level of quiet, should be paramount. We all know there are parents who shut out the racket made by their children in public places. Perhaps they are "used" to it but I find that difficult to believe because surely everyone finds constant racket hard to bear. Those people have a responsibility to parent their children properly and that involves ensuring other diners are not adversely affected.

FFS, another 'back in my day' thread. I'm old enough to have lived 'back in the day'. Hope I never become such a curmudgeon. I've learned to tune out much because really, it doesn't matter much.

I was in a costa waiting for a meeting. Mum brought her toddler in, he was in the pushchair banging and shouting for the 5 mins in the queue etc. Mum pushed him to a table and went to get napkins etc and he carried on squealing and clattering - making a real racket in a quiet coffee shop, so disturbing the 6 or so individual adults who were in there. An old lady (80s plus) leaned over towards him and went "shush" at him and put finger on her lips. He STFU and looked amazed. Clearly had never been told the pipe down.

The mum looked like she was hovering between apology and outrage, so said nothing and sort of simpered. I wanted to applaud the older lady tbh.

I loathe the "children are noisy, deal with it" attitude. Nothing but a justification of lazy parenting.

It's up there with "boys will be boys" for me.

Many times parents DO hear it. They just think it's cute or adorable. It's not.

Surely it's up to parents not restaurant owners?? Why should they police kids?? You are quick to blame owners but they didn't have the kids!! Why is it ok for parents to ignore it? Ridiculous.

Post 2:
Today 08:50 TeaBelle

You had a choice to go and stay there. If you don't like it then eat at home in silence.

What sort of response is that?

Toy car banging and shouting are of course not acceptable, but you are also objecting to the girl child "talking in a shrill voice" - annoying yes, but plenty of adults do that too.

Lots of people in groups don't realise how noisy they are - shrill voices and braying or screachy outbursts of loud laughter gallore sitting next to some parties of adults.

AlmostAJillSandwich - I can imagine what your father is like, and its not a positive mental image.

In a restaurant where people are paying to enjoy the food and ambience, noisy children should be dealt with but in a supermarket, where a child is perhaps having a tantrum - often it is best for the parent to ignore rather than pander to the child...and tbh, a bit of noise in a supermarket is not an issue as people are presumably there to get a job done - not for rest and relaxation

Expat. wishing that certain standards that existed 'back in the old days' were maintained doesn't automatically make someone a curmudgeon.

YANBU
These children who will never have been taught to keep their voice down are growing up into adults who still dont know how to keep their voice down and still don't have any consideration for poeple around them.

Its interesting to see that children are totally able to keep their voices down in other countries too So really is it that normal for children to be as noisy as some are in the UK? The more it goes, the more I think it's just an excuse for not doing the hard work that comes with parenting those children tbh.

I think some parents do tune their kids out. I do find it irritating and rather selfish when kids are shrieking or running around the restaurant. I think a general level of hubbub is understandable but when it gets disruptive, its time to take the kids outside. Obviously, kids have to learn how to behave in restaurants etc and we can't expect them to always be perfect. But their parents need to make sure they get the guidance they need to develop those social skills.

the girl child "talking in a shrill voice" - annoying yes, but plenty of adults do that too.
Maybe if those adults had been taught not to do that as children, there woud be any adult talking with that annoying voice though.
Now you can take the stance of saying its just annoying, get over it. However as an adult, that person will be judged, even subconscioulsy, and t will not be to their advantage.

Fwiw my experience as a parent says that te first place children need to learn to behave is at home.
If they are allowed to bang toys at the table, shriek, scream etc.. at home (which they are hence the fact parents dont even notice anymore...), they will do that in a restaurant too.

Almost 's dad is obviously an example of an adult who is louder, ruder and more unpleasant to be around than most children. Unless his outbursts are due to dementia (in which case presumably his carer should be apologising on his behalf according to the logic that parents would do that if children were loudly rude in public) then presumably he was very badly brought up "back in the day".

I have a friend who is loud in restaurants, she's often rude answers calls very loudly, has no consideration for others, almost oblivious to others. I often have to remind her to behave which she always says oops sorry and checks herself. This is because her parents didn't teach her how to behave as a child, so it's not ingrained in her. This still affects her behaviour at 40 years old.
Not taking responsibility for your child's behaviour now can have a knock on effect into their adulthood.