To think a lot of parents simply don't hear their children's noise...

[user1485342611]

and sometimes restaurant managers, librarians etc need to be more pro-active about stepping in?

I was in a restaurant yesterday having lunch with a friend. A mother with three children was sitting nearby. The toddler was banging a toy car repeatedly on the table, the little girl was talking in a really loud shrill voice and the slightly older boy was shouting loudly to be heard over her. The noise was deafening but the mother seemed really calm and so used to it that she didn't even notice it, or realise it was driving people mad.

The manager said nothing.

AIBU to think that he owed it to all his other paying customers to ensure that one table weren't allowed to create a disturbance and ruin other people's meals, and he should have sorted the situation somehow.

I've seen this a lot in restaurants and other public places and wish there was some kind of policy in place that enabled those in charge to tactfully step in when children are becoming loud and disruptive.

No-one has done anything of the sort except mention their own kids needs.

To Maisy.

So not sure why you're playing thread police in advance.

I was in a restaurant today with a friend and our two sleeping babies. A large group of middle aged men were laughing and talking so loudly at the next table they woke the babies up. They'd been making so much noise we couldn't hear each other over the din. We made sure the babies didn't disturb anyone. These things happen.

finally
More an observation of the inevitable.
It seems to happen on almost every thread where somebody dares express a view that some children are badly behaved.

I suspect restaurant staff don't intervene for fear of confrontation and the inevitable social media rant shared by all the mamas.

I've asked parents to turn the volume down on their kids devices on public transport. It doesn't usually go down well.

Re public transport, I'm sure in some cases parents are being U, but in a lot of times I think they're simply stressed, so of course they'll react badly to such complaints.
I find public transport very stressful personally, so I use the car as often as possible.

Only inevitable in your head Maisy

Perhaps people mention it Maisypops because they have been on the receiving end of other's intolerant attitudes.

I was just thinking that as well. Parents of children with special needs can feel very isolated anyway and this attitude doesn't help. A lot of special needs are not obvious and can present as bad behaviour. The parents are doing their best in many cases and are very embarrassed to have attention focused on their family.
Also we can't win sometimes, if we give our children iPads then we're judged for that too.
What isn't on is letting kids run riot, as that's a health and safety issue.

spikey
I get that. And I get that it's difficult when a child has additional needs. I wouldn't say otherwise.

What I don't like is how often people jump from bad behaviour to send needs.

Not all bad behaviour is send needs.
Not all children who have send needs are badly behaved.

People saying kids are noisy. Well yes they are. It's normal. It's up to the parents to control the behaviour.

I was never ever allowed to behave like that in restaurants. But I see it a lot now.

When I worked in a restaurant I wasn't allowed to intervene. We had one child that wiped ice cream all over our fabric chair. It was everywhere. Ruined the chair.

Mother didn't even seem to notice much less apologise . I honestly couldn't believe it. My DM would have been mortified.

It depends what you class as bad behaviour. A lot of special needs children have short attention spans, and it's difficult to keep them calm. They can be loud and wriggly, despite a parent's best efforts to keep them from disturbing other diners. This is annoying rather than bad behaviour. But they do sometimes have meltdowns, which can sometimes erupt despite us trying to avoid them. And, believe me, that is not something that the parent is enjoying and the last thing they need is other diners glaring at them.
I also get annoyed with parents who just sit there and let their children act up though. There's no excuse for that.
We only go to child friendly restaurants, where there is soft play provided or a playground, or Pizza Hut, where there are a lot of families.

My dd works as a waitress in a pub. She hears mums say to their kids "don't worry someone gets paid to clean it up" several times every shift when they get food all over the table and floor. Older kids as well.

"Yet I did put up with it. I found it annoying and glared at the parents. It ruined many a romantic meal if I'm honest, because I let it. I felt my right to quiet was more important than parents right to dine out with small kids. Now I'm good at tuning out noise. "

And thats the problem, right there - people who dress it up in their heads as "oh, I was so intolerant back then but Im better than the rest of you intolerant people now!" smugface when what Suntrapped actually means is "When I didnt have kids, I wanted what was best for me with no consideration of anyone else at all. Now I have kids, I want whats best for me with no consideration of anyone else at all."

I've no doubt at all that when her kids become adults, she will revert after a few years to "Ive had kids, I know its possible to try and keep them quiet to not disturb other people, all these young parents dont try at all and their noisy kids are spoiling my meals out! Theyre so inconsiderate! I've paid my dues and deserve some quiet!"

what Suntrapped actually means is "When I didnt have kids, I wanted what was best for me with no consideration of anyone else at all. Now I have kids, I want whats best for me with no consideration of anyone else at all."

Everyone priorities their own needs. Some want quiet, some want a loud tipsy conversation across the table. Parents usually just want to feed their children, with as little noise/fuss/mess as possible. I ageee some parents are selfish, like the ones who play with their phone ignoring the kids screech, or the ones who let them run around tripping up waitresses.

You try to keep kids reasonably quiet. But all toddlers are loud and wiggly (as stated by a PP). They are learning to sit at a table, restrained in a high chair. They are learning to use cutlery and not throw food or plates. Should they be kept indoors in case their lack of manners offends you? Getting excited, a bit of banging and shouting is to be expected. I'm not going to frighten my toddler into silence just to please other diners.

I did mention children being wriggly. It's acceptable with toddlers, imo, it goes with the territory and parents with toddlers shouldn't be made to feel they shouldn't go out for meals. So that's why I do think the op WBU.
The difficulty I have is my DD1 is 8 years old and is still like that! (She's adopted and has special needs.) We do our best to manage her behaviour, with iPads or crayons, but it's challenging and going out causes us a lot of stress. The majority of parents really are doing their best! (I'm not saying that's always the case, I've seen parents completely ignoring their children's bad behaviour at soft play places!)

"They are learning to sit at a table, restrained in a high chair. They are learning to use cutlery and not throw food or plates. Should they be kept indoors in case their lack of manners offends you? Getting excited, a bit of banging and shouting is to be expected. I'm not going to frighten my toddler into silence just to please other diners."

My parents taught me these things at home, and took me out for food when I had a basic grasp of them. They didnt "frighten" me into anything, they taught me. Ive also checked with them and other friends with children and apparently none of them were horribly scarred from the experience of not eating out in cafes for a little while until their toddlers were ready.

It's not about frightening kids into silence!

Acceptable and expected child noise in family friendly environments (Eg. Not 7pm in a top end restaurant):

• parents teaching kids to use cutlery
• bit of giggling
• bit of crying
• frustrated parent saying 'just eat your peas' etc
• parents colouring or doing something before the food arrives to occupy them
• little taps baby led weaning etc if that's your style

Etc etc etc.

Noise that is unreasonable:

• Running around

-Screaming

• Shouting

-Scooting about on those heely shoes -Music from tablets or phones (use headphones)

• loud banging on the table

I don't see what's so difficult to understand. There is a massive difference between reasonable noise from children and unreasonable "I'm just letting my kids be kids where ever they like" noise.