To tell neighbour no?

[TheRugbyValkyrie]

My neighbour popped round at about 12:45 today to ask us to turn the music off. I told him no.
Background - my 20 year old DS popped to the shop for me before going to meet friends. When he got back he pulled up outside, left the engine running and music on. When he opened the door I could hear his music. As he was in a rush, I helped him sort out a packed lunch. We has just finished when there was a knock on the front door. I opened it (and could once again hear the music) and it was my neighbour. He asked me to turn the music off or down. I said no, that it was the middle of the day and you couldn't hear the music inside or only faintly if the windows were open. He got quite huffy, said that it was too loud and he was only asking politely.
While this was going on DS had gone out the back door and was going back to his car, total time at home, less than 10 minutes.
I said to him that his wife had previously complained (in the middle of the afternoon) and that I said the same thing to her. It was the middle of the day and they were BU.
I know my response has been influenced by the fact that the guy does all his loud gardening jobs on a Sunday afternoon, which drives me up the wall, but I don't say anything. Oh and he always parks in my parking spot.
Was I BU to tell him to stuff his request?

[user1487175389]

What a waste of energy. Why should your neighbours have to shut their windows in June because your son has left music blaring for no reason at all? Are you always this pointlessly defensive of everything he does OP?

[NotYoda]

It's funny. I live in zone 2 in London, surrounded on all sides by terraced houses with small gardens. And very few people play music. I think the enforced proximity makes everyone super considerate - because if you don't want it dished out to you, then you don't give it - I understand the point you're making but I also feel it is unreasonable to expect others to do adhere to standards you are not prepared to follow yourself.

That's why I don't necessarily think that the rural idyll is quite what it seems to be.

[Kahlua4me]

It would worry me that my son was driving with the stereo that loud, let alone leaving it running.
Lots of issues going on there.....

[LakieLady]

YABU, but not half as unreasonable as I might have been if I was your neighbour.

The thumping bass from loud car stereos is one of my pet hates. It really puts my hackles up, and if I had a neighbour whose son did this, I might just feel driven to take their keys out of the ignition and drop them down the nearest drain.

YABVU to compare it with grass being cut. One is something that needs to be done, the other is of no benefit whatsoever.

[NotYoda]

Sorry, my post above went wrong and contained stuff pasted from a previous one

What I meant to say was:

It's funny. I live in zone 2 in London, surrounded on all sides by terraced houses with small gardens. And very few people play music. I think the enforced proximity makes everyone super considerate - because if you don't want it dished out to you, then you don't give it.

We have man-made noise - police cars, helicopters, children and DIY, but not music and not parties

That's why the rural idyll is not all it's cracked up to be, IMO

[twofingerstoEverything]

YABU.

[differentnameforthis]

It's people like you who makes others people's lives miserable. You could hear the music inside, your neighbour told you so..but you think your needs and wants are more important than anyone else's around you.

It doesn't matter what time is, if someone is disturbed by your noise, or your son's noise, you have the decency to apologise and do something about it.

Your son's loud music is NOT comparable to your neighbour using a mower on a Sunday arvo.

[NotYoda]

Also, wanted to say to you, and to someone else who would be pissed off that it seems to me that people who suck up their own annoyance about things and don't assert themselves, get pissed off when others do assert themselves

Nether of you is in the wrong

[differentnameforthis]

Oh & if you had already told neighbours wife no, it must have been longer than 10 minutes

[olliegarchy99]

YABU
you think it was only 10 minutes but it may have been longer or seemed longer to your neighbour who did not know that your son was about to drive off and blast his noisy way through the rest of the area.
That's why I don't necessarily think that the rural idyll is quite what it seems to be.
It really isn't. On two weekends lately one of my neighbours (2 fields away) has had a BBQ and loud tuneless bassy music going on until midnight. Sound like that do carry and disturb even those some distance away.

[Ariawyn]

I'd hate to be your neighbour
I can't bear to hear cars with engines running while waiting

Not sure where you go from here with your neighbour though

[Reow]

Men in their teens/20s with expensive stereos that play hideous thumping bass music never seem to do it quietly with their windows closed. I bet it was blaring.

Sorry, it sounds obnoxious and antisocial.

[Babbitywabbit]

So basically OP is a self appointed arbiter of what's acceptable. It's fine for her older kids to have BBQ and outdoor music playing til 9 pm. It's fine for her 20 year old to leave his car stereo thumping bass for 10 mins when he's not even in the car. But it pisses her off that neighbours do gardening jobs at the weekend.
She sounds very controlling of her environment.

[Underthemoonlight]

YABU you sound like my neighbour they have zero regard for anyone. They play there music constantly all day with the base on. Everywhere I go I can hear it in the house. I have to turn up the tv high so I can actually hear it. My young DC have struggled to sleep because of the music. Regardless of it being during the day it can drive you nuts.. it's not even the music that's the issue it's the loudness of it. This goes on for hours. Try explaining it to the neighbours and they lack any understanding of what it's like to live next door to it.

[rainbowstardrops]

I'm glad I don't live next door to you

[TheRugbyValkyrie]

BABBITYWABBIT - the curfew is a reminder, I always ask both sides if they can hear it and do the DC's need to turn it down, you're assuming that I don't give a shit about my neighbours!
SLEIGHTOFHAND - you too are assuming things. The only neighbour I have any issues with is the one in this particular situation and I have already conceded that I should have apologised.
IFAILED - no he doesn't play loud music outside regularly, the times I've spoken to him were about the length of time the music has been playing rather than the volume. The volume isn't horrific, it's the bass. Where he parks is about 100m from the house (further from neighbours), so they can't hear it anyway.
I'm aware that by adding all these details, it sounds like I'm trying to justify myself, I'm just trying to clarify why I thought it was OK to tell him 'no' after 10 minutes, especially in the middle of the day.
I would guess that if we lived in a town or city, I doubt anyone would hear anything anyway. I need to remember that sound carries more around here.

[harderandharder2breathe]

YABU
It's very antisocial to leave the car running with bass thumping music playing when you're not even in it!
You and your family sound like shitty neighbours

[differentnameforthis]

I DO understand how irritating the loud thump of the car stereo can be and a couple of times, when he has been working on his car, I have told him to turn it down. Both times due to the length of time he had been playing the music. Oh, so it can be a regular occurrence then? Which means that the neighbours are 1] pretty fed up of it and 2] have no idea how long they have to subjected to this noise for.

Not even a whole ten minutes of noise, in the middle of the day... I think your neighbour's unreasonable, myself. RTFT. Not the first time, and op herself has asked her son to turn it down previously due to the length of time it had been playing

[SoupDragon]

Not even a whole ten minutes of noise, in the middle of the day... I think your neighbour's unreasonable, myself.

On several occasions.

[BipBippadotta]

Thank fuck I left the city and no longer have to live next to selfish sound polluting boy racer twats and their aggressive parents anymore is all I can say.

[differentnameforthis]

As if it being the bass is acceptable, because the volume is low? Come on op. You are annoying your neighbours, own it and do something about it.

In my house we have a rule, if you have your music on in your room and you can hear it in the kitchen, it is too loud.

I would guess that if we lived in a town or city, I doubt anyone would hear anything anyway. I need to remember that sound carries more around here. You really don't, you need to learn that if someone complain about your noise, you are being too noisy, too often.

[ChocChocPorridge]

If he was out there doing something on the car, then sure, have the music on - but to just leave it running whilst he's not even there to hear it, and it's annoying the neighbours! Of course YABU (and I say that as someone who's usually firmly on the side of the people making normal family noise) - 30 seconds to pop out and turn it off since he wasn't listening to it anyway would have harmed no-one.

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

You refused to turn down music that no one was listening to but that was disturbing the one person who could hear it then ask AIBU? 😳

[junebirthdaygirl]

You are giving your ds very bad example of how to treat neighbours. He is careless at 20 bit if he heard you apologise he would have learnt a valuable lesson for life. Your attitude is not a good one to pass on.