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AIBU?

To tell neighbour no?

213 replies

TheRugbyValkyrie · 12/06/2017 01:22

My neighbour popped round at about 12:45 today to ask us to turn the music off. I told him no.
Background - my 20 year old DS popped to the shop for me before going to meet friends. When he got back he pulled up outside, left the engine running and music on. When he opened the door I could hear his music. As he was in a rush, I helped him sort out a packed lunch. We has just finished when there was a knock on the front door. I opened it (and could once again hear the music) and it was my neighbour. He asked me to turn the music off or down. I said no, that it was the middle of the day and you couldn't hear the music inside or only faintly if the windows were open. He got quite huffy, said that it was too loud and he was only asking politely.
While this was going on DS had gone out the back door and was going back to his car, total time at home, less than 10 minutes.
I said to him that his wife had previously complained (in the middle of the afternoon) and that I said the same thing to her. It was the middle of the day and they were BU.
I know my response has been influenced by the fact that the guy does all his loud gardening jobs on a Sunday afternoon, which drives me up the wall, but I don't say anything. Oh and he always parks in my parking spot.
Was I BU to tell him to stuff his request?

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emmyrose2000 · 12/06/2017 02:32

YABVVVU!!!!

Of course it was (unreasonably) loud if your neighbour could hear it inside their house!!

People like you and your son are how neighbourhood wars start.

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Underbeneathsies · 12/06/2017 02:43

Diagram, or it didn't happen.

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TheRugbyValkyrie · 12/06/2017 02:47

PLUNKETTE - I have no idea why DS left the engine running, I guess he thought that as he wasn't going to be long, it wasn't an issue. Despite being reasonably intelligent he sometimes has a breathtaking lack of common sense
BEEP - he is 20, trust me the stereo is probably worth more than the car, so definitely not a 'shitty car stereo', but yes, the bass IS turned up.
CHEESE - I understand the point you're making but I also feel it is unreasonable to expect others to do adhere to standards you are not prepared to follow yourself.
What happened today is done, I'm just wondering what to do now. I'm pretty pissed off at quite a few things the neighbour does, but for the sake of peace I've never said anything. He has now set his benchmark for what he deems acceptable, the problem now is that with the warmer weather the DC will be having pool parties on a fairly regular basis.The ones the older two have obviously going into the evening. Our immediate neighbours have always been informed beforehand and encouraged to say when there is a problem (which they have done but it wasn't the music that was the problem) I have always imposed a 21:00 curfew on the music outside.
MOVING - I apologise for ruining your bingo.

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melj1213 · 12/06/2017 02:56

YABVU

who leaves their car idling when they get out of it? Even just for a minute I turn the engine off ... I have been known to leave the keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked if I'm literally getting out of the car, walking in my front door, grabbing an item and walking straight back out to the car but I would never leave it idling.
If he wasn't in the car, he doesn't need the music on. If you couldn't hear it inside, then it didn't need to be on, and if you could hear it then it was far too loud, either way it should be turned off.
Sometimes it's not the music, but the bass & the rumble of the engine that's the problem. I live in a terraced street and I have a neighbour who regularly picks his kids up from school, drives home then while they run in to get their kit/instrument/costume etc he sits in the car with the engine running and the bass of his radio going the entire time. I can't always hear the music but I always know when he's there because the engine and the bass create so much vibration that the glass panels in my internal doors rattle in their frames and I can feel the vibration through my lounge floor.

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Plunkette · 12/06/2017 02:59

Rugby ok then, given an allowance for the occasion stupidity of youth I still don't really understand why you wouldn't just say "oh, I'm sorry, I'll send him out to shut it off"

You neighbour really wasn't being unreasonable.

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KoalaDownUnder · 12/06/2017 03:02

YABU!

Leaving a car running with pounding bass stereo is just unnecessary and antisocial. You sound petty and selfish.

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TheRugbyValkyrie · 12/06/2017 05:07

PLUNKETTE - DS had gone out the back door while we were talking and was getting into the car to leave.
I DO understand how irritating the loud thump of the car stereo can be and a couple of times, when he has been working on his car, I have told him to turn it down. Both times due to the length of time he had been playing the music.
I think I was coming at it from the view that it had been less than 10 minutes and it was the middle of the day.
Leaving the engine running was another matter. I did tell him that he was an arse for doing that.

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NotYoda · 12/06/2017 05:21

If neighbours DIY noise disturbs you, then you've now pissed on your own picnic by refusing to help him out, haven't you? Someone's got to be the bigger person here.

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NotYoda · 12/06/2017 05:23

"I understand the point you're making but I also feel it is unreasonable to expect others to do adhere to standards you are not prepared to follow yourself"

That's what I mean. You've never asked him to be more quiet, but you are so annoyed about it that you're willing to take revenge rather than asking him. That's how neighbour disputes start

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NotYoda · 12/06/2017 05:25

Oh and you lost me with pool parties

Glad I don't live in an area where there are pools, and parties.

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bluetongue · 12/06/2017 05:56

YABU. Even worse if it's a fact car stereo with heavy bass. How hard is it to say sorry and try not to do it again?

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bluetongue · 12/06/2017 05:57

Fancy not fact.

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londonrach · 12/06/2017 05:59

Yabu. Its very antisocial. Those fumes. Think its illegal as well as risking the car taken.

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sexcauldron · 12/06/2017 06:16

Your neighbours are being unreasonable for having such a short fuse. 10 minutes and they complain? It took me a year to pluck up the courage to go next door and ask my neighbour to stfu when she was regularly playing loud music.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2017 06:16

Perhaps you should ask nicely when they do things, which are too loud. Problem now is you've lost any chance they'll say yes. If you do speak to them, they'll probably make more noise, not less if their mindset is similar to yours.

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SoupDragon · 12/06/2017 06:21

I said to him that his wife had previously complained (in the middle of the afternoon) and that I said the same thing to her.

So, it's not the first time.

Loud gardening jobs are part and parcel of having a garden. When would you like him to do them? Early morning? Night time? They are not comparable to leaving a car with the engine running and loud music thumping.

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Babbitywabbit · 12/06/2017 06:22

Pool parties.... dear god! And you think you're so reasonable because you insist outside music goes off at 9 pm. So you're obviously aware nearby residents have to listen to your kids' outdoor music. Glad I'm
Not your neighbour

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AnotherQuoll · 12/06/2017 06:22

Not even a whole ten minutes of noise, in the middle of the day... I think your neighbour's unreasonable, myself.

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SleightOfHand · 12/06/2017 06:26

You have a bad attitude OP, I bet you have a lot of conflict with many people you come across in your life.

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Ifailed · 12/06/2017 06:32

I DO understand how irritating the loud thump of the car stereo can be and a couple of times, when he has been working on his car, I have told him to turn it down. Both times due to the length of time he had been playing the music.

So he regularly plays loud music from his car when it's outside your house, to the point that even you tell him to shut it off? He's 20, not a child & it's about time he started acting like an adult.
If he's so keen on listening to loud music tell him get get a pair of headphones and leave everyone else it peace.

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MyFavouriteName · 12/06/2017 06:33

It is illegal to leave a car engine running if it is unattended.

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TheRugbyValkyrie · 12/06/2017 06:35

BLUETONGUE - you are right, it isn't hard to say sorry and try not to do it again but I confess that I was so pissed off with him coming round after such a short time.
NOTYODA - we live in a tiny village a distance from town and the associated amenities. Pool parties sounds a lot fancier than the reality, which is that the DC's take it in turn to host their friends and there is bbq, games in the garden, marshmallows over a fire pit and a third-hand, very patched, above ground pool. It keeps them active, they have fun, I know where they are and there is a strict 21:00 noise curfew.

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OnionKnight · 12/06/2017 06:36

YABU (well your son was), there's nothing more irritating than the thumping bass of a car stereo, the fact that he left it unattended with the engine running is just stupid.

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FinallyThroughTheRoof · 12/06/2017 06:36

You should have turned it off

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 12/06/2017 06:41

YABU.

Ten minutes is s long time.

What your son did was antisocial and unnecessary.

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