Neighbour in garden.

[Buddinghell]

More of a rant.
We live in a row of new build terraces. Tiny gardens. So everyone can see most your garden from an upstairs window and everyone can hear everything if they are in the garden. We do try and give each other a bit of privacy. Someone has friends over in the garden we don't mow the tiny patch of grass. I won't be putting my washing up if I hear next door having breakfast outside.
All except my neighbour who is outside every time I am, doing sodding "jobs". The fence is rattling as I speak as she puts on a second coat that's flicking through the fence over my plants . I've had to come in from reading my book.
The annoying bit is that she doesn't work and I do. So I can only be in the garden weekends whereas she could be do stuff all week. She was in B& Q on bank holiday Monday moaning how busy it was too, duh, do you think?
I think she feels gardening is something you do at the weekends and garden centres are for bank holidays. So AIBU in being stressed with this.

I don't think it is very relevant that you rent via social housing. Really it means you have lower rent than many who are renting privately. You live in a house, where the next door neighbour owns their house. So it can't be that terrible.

I get that with a small garden there does need to be a level of sensitivity on usage but I think being vexed your neighbour does her gardening at the weekend is unreasonable.

After all, she can be enjoying the peace and quiet in her garden when you are at work and then opts to do the garden jobs during the weekend when neighbours are doing stuff in their garden and that noise would disturb her.

Perhaps annoying but if she is free during the week to enjoy the quiet, why shouldnt she?

Budding if you're at work during the week, then you're not around to know what she does. She might volunteer, care for friends and family, go to various groups or classes. And even if she did absolutely nothing all week, that's her prerogative. For argument's sake, she might want to be more quiet in the way so as not to disturb anyone working from home. I think you have a really odd attitude about this whole thing tbh.

*quiet in the week

the garden is 5m by 8m

lol I was imaging a pokey yard or something.

I've just moved into a new build and our gardens are similar. Next door are having a patio and a decking built as well as some raised borders. I enjoy using my garden during the day as I work evenings. I will pop round tomorrow and using your theory ask them to only work on it during the evenings because it's ruining my quiet time. I'll also ask them to keep the dogs in during these times. I'm sure this will go down well.

I haven't RTFT, but what you said is pretty much the attitude of my generation, it's against the law to not think of DIY on a bank holiday weekend. DC don't get it, apart from when Santa is there, or the animals are out. On a Sunday when both were younger, going to the GC was like a fun trip out. Although I can see why others find it boring.

I was going to say perhaps she's isolated and lonely, she's trying to be neighbourly by chatting. I understand you like the peace and quiet, I don't know what to suggest to get her to stop. Build 6 foot fences That way she'd have to hear a door going or be peaking upstairs to see you.

On another post, the OP got this gorgeous lilac paint, so you could make it pretty.

I just don't understand why her not working has any bearing on when she should be in her own garden . I work from home but like to do gardening and jobs around the house on weekends and bank holidays because I like my husband to help me and enjoy spending time together whilst doing it. But I suppose weekends are only to enjoy if you work full time outside the home

If you ever eat out then you have people in close proximity - why not in the garden?

I can understand not doing anything especially noisy is being considerate to the neighbours, but eating and chatting? Pegging out washing? Dies it matter if you can hear each other? Might be best not to chat about the way you & OH are reigniting your sex life, but the length of the queue in Tesco / how fed up delighted you are with World Book Day school dressing up shouldn't be too embarrassing?

I feel your pain OP and I think it's probably a lot down to personality. I also really hate being overlooked from windows or overheard if I am trying to relax, DP doesn't give a stuff or notice other people and where they are. If I were you, I would start thinking hard about screening, and about where you position your chair and then possibly getting some of those noise cancelling headphones so you can feel a bit more private. Could you put up a dense/high trellis, or some other kind of screening for privacy? Next time you move, ask for an end terrace?

I once viewed a house which was lovely but when we went into the back garden, all five houses in the row had done away with their fences, as they weee such good pals and liked to chat 😳😳😳

Just five totally open gardens in a row. It was utterly bizarre.

OP,

Might something like this help with feeling too overlooked from upstairs windows?

OP you sound totally bonkers, but in a world of inconsiderate and rude neighbours, in a nice way. You should think about the ideas above to give you more privacy so you can enjoy your garden.
Expecting your neighbour to hide inside when you are in your garden is frankly bizarre. If your other neighbours were so keen on privacy, they wouldn't have breakfast in the garden, hanging your laundry is fine.

You are imposing really bizarre rules on yourself op, nobody near me strims, or cuts grass or hedges before 10am which is especially lovely for me as I often work until 2am.
That is being considerate.

Not pegging out washing lest someone head you is just odd.

I really can't understand your opinion that your neighbour shouldn't have a routine because she's unemployed.

*hear, not head.

How noisy are you when 'pegging out' FFS?!

I'm actually also curious if you have all discussed these "rules" or if it's possibly something that you have assumed in your own head and never discussed with any of them?

OP, I think you sound like exactly the sort of neighbor I would like.

Kind, thoughtful and considerate.

I only mentioned renting from the HA because posters kept saying I shouldn't have bought somewhere so small.

We don't have rules and regulations! We do talk and we all get on. I don't tut or flounce or anything when she's out there.
Is just that hanging my washing out puts me right over their shoulders. Maybe they don't mind but since they both work and only sit ouside together at weekends, waiting 15 minutes till they've finished to give them privacy seems normal.

I just find it odd and stressful that next door is banging things, painting things, up and down her ladder every weekend. And in the garden centre on a bank holiday. Why would you when you can go the next day when the car park is quiet and the store isn't rammed.

Is 5m wide big? I could fit two sun loungers end to end between the two fences ( if I didn't have edging).

Actually, seriously I think you may need help OP. There is a fine line between being considerate when in a confined situation and allowing it to tip over into anxiety overdrive.
Hope you find a balance which is more relaxed and peaceful 🙂

You are still not getting it.
It's her garden to do whatever she wants in it when she wants too. Just cos you are there you think she should stay indoors or sit quietly?

Why should she organise her time in her own garden around you?
Really just relax and do your own thing in your own garden and let her do the same.

I find banging things annoying all year round. It has to be done, fine, but it's not better at the weekend. People work shifts, people get sick, have young children, work from home. It's not more convenient to reserve gardening work at the weekend.

If her garden is so small, there's only so much work that must be done?

For goodness sake OP doesn't need help.

She's just treating her neighbors with the consideration she'd like to be treated with.

Have you actually read what she's said?

When your ndn is using their garden like a saw mill and car repair workshop 24/7, swearing and arguing 24/7 (I don't think they sleep) and cutting down small trees in your garden without asking first (he came into my garden and cut down a small thin not overgrown or overhanging tree next to our shared fence while I was out) and 18 months later he cut it down again, this time I caught him on camera. He denied it was him until I told him I'd filmed him doing it. I sympathise with your situation, I used to live somewhere similar to you, and it is very suffocating to be in such close proximity to your neighbours. I suggest bamboo screening along the fence, and a little trellis for the top of the fences.

The whys and wherfores of your NDN garden centre habits are none of your business surely? Maybe she likes the hustle and bustle? Maybe she goes on a BH so that she can plant up all the stuff she's bought during the week? Often there are weekend only offers too.

You sound a bit anxious and controlling actually. As that's what you want to do, isn't it? Tell her to stop and go inside so you can be outside. Perhaps she's wondering why you just sit around all weekend and why you're not out prettying up your garden.

Are you sure these unwritten garden usage rules are really in place though and it's not just your imagination?

The only thing you can do is take steps to give yourself more privacy. Try to create a cocoon effect with seating and planting. It will also help with noise.