Neighbour in garden.

[Buddinghell]

More of a rant.
We live in a row of new build terraces. Tiny gardens. So everyone can see most your garden from an upstairs window and everyone can hear everything if they are in the garden. We do try and give each other a bit of privacy. Someone has friends over in the garden we don't mow the tiny patch of grass. I won't be putting my washing up if I hear next door having breakfast outside.
All except my neighbour who is outside every time I am, doing sodding "jobs". The fence is rattling as I speak as she puts on a second coat that's flicking through the fence over my plants . I've had to come in from reading my book.
The annoying bit is that she doesn't work and I do. So I can only be in the garden weekends whereas she could be do stuff all week. She was in B& Q on bank holiday Monday moaning how busy it was too, duh, do you think?
I think she feels gardening is something you do at the weekends and garden centres are for bank holidays. So AIBU in being stressed with this.

It's you.

And me And all my Family And everyone I know.

Grow something up the fence like a nice clematis ... other than that, get over yourself.

Willow She's not old.

Again it's fine IBU. But the comments on here are ridiculous.
All of us neighbours are on wine and first name terms.
We all use our gardens but just sensitively. I don't not hang washing out, I just let them enjoy their breakfast without hearing me less than a metre away on the other side of the fence.

Think yourself lucky.... I live in a similar property and my NDN installed a gate in our shared fence!

I prop the top of the rabbit run against it now.

I understand it OP - but it is what it is...

Look at what you can change - can you put up anything to obscure her side a bit? Those busy trellis/frame type things? Or a thin but dense hedge? Otherwise just stick your headphones on and ignore.

This is a strange post. Have you thought about why this annoys you? Unfortunately, I am often left thinking that people have to accept what comes with the house they choose to buy. If you choose to buy a terrace or semi, you have to put up with a degree of noise from next door, for example. If you choose on-street parking, you are choosing potential arguments with neighbours or lack of spaces. OK, so people often can't afford a detatched of nice big garden, but unfortunately that's the way it goes. That's life.

At least she is not sun bathing naked!

I live on top of my neighbours. I got a bit of a shock when someone invited me round and I realised you could see directly into my basement kitchen from their first floor. Now I always put on a dressing gown when going to get a glass of water in the middle of the night.

I'm sensitive to them but it is also my garden. Therefore I go in it from about 8am to about 11pm depending on the weather and warmth and do normal things at normal sound levels. So do they. Sometimes we chat.

Perhaps the real issue is that you do not like her? If it was someone you were friends with, would it bother you so much?
If so, perhaps you could try to make an effort to get on friendly terms. Invite her round for coffee?

Our fences are 4ft & we are not allowed to raise them

Do you know who now owns the covenants on these deeds because if you don't and it would be hard to find out, you can get an insurance policy and raise your fence height. It costs around £200.

Wait! Do you mean you share a garden. I'm a bit confused?

Have you all got exclusive rights to the garden? Is there a rota?

I can understand if you're all piled in together it can't be very relaxing, but that's communal living I'm afraid.

Maybe get a tent so you can sleep in it when no one's there at night if you need to be alone in it.

I realise that you're an introvert, but you do sound like you're unusually sensitive to other people too, and that you're under a lot of stress as well.

Maybe try meditation? Or go for a head clearing walk in a local park as well as playing the hokeypokey with your garden mates.

My tips would be to
a) get some evergreen climbers on your adjoining fences (check you're planting them in the right place as some varieties won't tolerate a lot of shade). I might've missed it, how high are your fences? They take a while to get going mind. I attached reed screening to trellis in the meantime.

b) invest in wireless headphones, they've saved my sanity

I live in a terrace and we all just get on with what we are doing in our own gardens when we need to. If anyone told me when to use my garden they'd get told where to go. How dare anyone decide when someone can use their own space. We get very little garden worthy weather that I aim to make the best of it. I've been out in mind all day as here is west Scotland the weather had been glorious for once.

Ha ha! I'm not at all introverted and we do all get on. It's just her need to be busy in the garden every weekend when she has all week to sort it.

I think some of you with bigger gardens don't get it. Bigger gardens have maybe a bit of wind or plants that soak up sound and give privacy.. Ours really aren't big enough. I have trees in pots and we both have climbers but there isn't the space or light to make a major difference. We are close enough to hear each other breathe. Literally. So putting washing out does sound like I'm right there with them despite having a panel fence.
I like the idea of headphones. Perhaps that's the solution.

Are you honestly expecting people to not use their gardens because you are in yours?

And you think it's not unreasonable? How odd !!

And to be fair, if you're there reading a book, how is she to know you're out? Do you think everyone goes upstairs and checks the neighbours back gardens before going out to hang washing? Or have breakfast? Or even paint the fence?

So you have a small overlooked garden, so do many!

My garden is quite large and we have 2 neighbours each side (attached and not) and 2 neighbours to the back of our garden, plus the neighbours attached to each side of those back houses. I guess they can see our garden as we can see some of theirs.

Does that stop me hanging out washing every day? Or potting plants or having a smoke? Or my 6 yr old playing out?

No and if anyone dared to complain in the middle of the day that I was doing something it would be comical!

No one gives a shit what you're doing in your garden, no one cares if you hang out washing when they're eating breakfast, no one chooses to sit outside for a bagel or toast thinking "oh how unreasonable of sue next door to enter her garden when we are CLEARLY eating breakfast right now"

Shocking !!

Under
She doesnt share a garden she objects to neighbour using her own garden while op is in hers.

If your working every day in the week how do you know what on earth shes doing during the weekdays?

How do you know she isn't out there every day as well?

As is there a rule that someone who doesn't work can't be in there garden on a weekend because of an unwritten rule between other neighbours?

By the way, I don't see painting a fence on a weekend as unreasonable regardless of if they have a job or not!

You're weird OP.

user have you read the thread? I know she doesn't work because we get on and shock horror, talk to each other. Most days.
It's a small garden ( ffs this bit should be obvious) so she can't be doing much other than watering during the week otherwise she couldn't spend all weekend out there.
as for " not knowing I'm out there" Aaaarghhhh! This is the point. You can hear every sound. If I can hear my neighbours turning a page, picking flowers and taking a drink, they can hear me.

Blimey. How big a garden do you want? However big it is, you're always only the other side of a fence. You need to be less sensitised to what's going on next door and chill yourself.

Francis It's not noisy in terms of volume. It's just that they will hear me less than a metre away. I can hear them eating and talking they can hear me pegging out and we both have to pretend we can't.. I let them have their breakfast in peace and put it out afterwards. Obviously if I am in a rush or they are doing something else outside I don't mind putting it up.

Oh god, worse than I thought then yes UABU then. Very much so.

Have no ideas for your OP other than that you ask your first name and wine term neighbours round for a cracking session on Friday night and slip them a Micky Finn so they're too hungover on Saturday to venture forth. Then you can hang up your unmentionables without being observed or suffering through the heavy breathing of the breakfasteers or DIYers next door.

Really? Is this a windup? I mean, really?
A garden each and that's still not enough?

How splendid.