Neighbour in garden.

[Buddinghell]

More of a rant.
We live in a row of new build terraces. Tiny gardens. So everyone can see most your garden from an upstairs window and everyone can hear everything if they are in the garden. We do try and give each other a bit of privacy. Someone has friends over in the garden we don't mow the tiny patch of grass. I won't be putting my washing up if I hear next door having breakfast outside.
All except my neighbour who is outside every time I am, doing sodding "jobs". The fence is rattling as I speak as she puts on a second coat that's flicking through the fence over my plants . I've had to come in from reading my book.
The annoying bit is that she doesn't work and I do. So I can only be in the garden weekends whereas she could be do stuff all week. She was in B& Q on bank holiday Monday moaning how busy it was too, duh, do you think?
I think she feels gardening is something you do at the weekends and garden centres are for bank holidays. So AIBU in being stressed with this.

OP
Why do you keep picking me out of all the people who are telling you that using your garden as you want to is not abnormal? Your neighbour doesn't need to abide by your rules any more than someone in the next street does. Her garden her life. She can do her garden jobs when ever it suits her as can you.

why can't she just relax like the rest of us

I can't believe this is not a joke. This is one of the most bizarre threads I've ever read!

Yes YABVVVU to decide what your neighbour should and shouldn't do at what times and days. You'd have something to complain if she was out there stark bollock naked howling at midnight on a full moon. Until that day comes, find a pair of headphones and chill out.

OP lives in Royston Vasey, yes?

Your neighbours are having breakfast and chatting not planning to invade Poland ! That don't care what you are doing.

Good point tab, Op's garden is a local garden for local people.

Yes I said it because you appeared to he under the impression that bank holidays should be for that sorta thing. I was just simply pointing out not everyone has bank holidays off.

As I'm typing this. Said delightful neighbour is still blaring out his shit music and my DCs are still awake.
You could have a neighbour with worser problems OP.

You can get cheap headphones from pound land until you can get some better noise cancelling ones. I imagine amazon would be a good place to start.

I personally have no problem with people being near me when I eat - its just like being in a restaurant and let's face it you have more privacy in your garden as at least there is a fence separating you.

OP - I have a very small garden, and neighbours that also use their very small gardens. It sounds like you are really over thinking it. Just chuck your headphones in and let it go.

I see how you're feeling OP, but maybe she does her gardening at the weekend because she knows everyone is home and she wants some company. Try saying hello next time.

OP, I think you feel that garden's should be very quiet and peaceful, and that any reminder or indication that there is another person on the other side of the fence is an intrusion.

But honestly, that is not how most people think and if your neighbours are out having their breakfast and hear you putting the washing out, all they will think is 'the neighbour is putting their washing out' and go back to their breakfast.

Your not intruding on your neighbours by using your garden and they are not intruding on you. I hope you can let go of this thinking so you can enjoy your garden fully.

The morning after we moved into our new build townhouse, my new neighbour appeared on our doorstep and told me that she heard me come downstairs (I was barefooted and careful not wanting to wake up the rest of the household) and put the kettle on.

She had become so neurotic about noise that every tiny thing probably sounded like a jet engine taking off to her - sounds like you have the same disease, OP.

They moved, thank goodness might have been DS's drum kit and then complained about their neighbour opposite. He was a retained firefighter who had the temerity to leave his house in the middle of the night (to put out a fire and potentially save someone's property or even life!!) and this involved shutting his front door, getting in his car, starting the engine and driving off to get to the fire station.

She couldn't cope with this. Quite sad really.

Maybe she can't be arsed during the week. Maybe she wants to get out the house at the weekends cos her husband is home, who knows, it's her home, her garden and she can spend time in it as she pleases. She cannot and should not feel she can't paint her fence as you're reading.

Maybe put in for a move with the housing association? She's prob not going to move if she owns, so possibly uou moving is easier. When you apply be sure to demand a large private garden.

Totally weird. YABTWU. Like you have a rota and can only use your garden when others aren't in theirs? Thats not going to work at all. Get a life.

Fucking hell get a grip it's her garden......yaBVFU

Chew
What do you mean?
OP is talking about private gardens not local open spaces.

Willow - Chewbecca is quoting from League of Gentlemen, because I made a LoG reference.

It is a comical reference to a popular tv programme willow

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”

Honestly, OP, I have a small garden, I hear everything the neighbours do, say, sing...just live your life.

Have you all discussed the rules OP?
I think you may be the only one who believes the rules exist and all your neighbours go about their daily business oblivious to your unspoken garden rules

Ahh gosh I've never even thought of this.

I guess it is something that could feel uncomfortable depending on your neighbours - at my last house we took in parcels etc but never had much more than passing conversations. Where I live now, I'm much closer to my neighbours, so it's not really awkward.

What usually occurs if I'm in the garden at the same time as my neighbours is that either we have a quick chat and then continue with our respective jobs or quite often we start setting the world to rights over the fence until eventually someone accepts opening the gate and settling down in one garden or the other with a pot of tea or a couple of beers... I'm not sure how unusual a set up this is though!

Do you definitely have this tacit arrangement with all the other neighbours that you try to stay indoors if someone else is outside? Because seriously, I think you may be imagining that everyone but this one neighbour understands this Official Unofficial Garden Use Etiquette, and it's just coincidence that the others don't bug you as much. I don't know anyone, no matter how tiny the garden, who would worry about their neighbours' breakfast being disturbed by the sound of clothes being pegged out.

If she expects you to chat the whole time you're both out there, that's one thing. But if the only thing stopping you reading your book is the fence moving about as she paints it, I don't think there's a neighbour in the land quiet enough to keep you happy.

it's not that's it noisy! It's that it puts me a metre away from people enjoying eating their breakfast outside. I think they might like to eat and chat without me being literally over their shoulder.

So what? You don't get to police other people's actions in their own home (and garden) regardless of how many of you have an "understanding" - it's not a rule or law and therefore they can do what they like.

There's a difference between being polite and thinking "Oh, the washing can wait five minutes while they finish breakfast" if you have nothing else to do, and inconveniencing yourself because you daren't go outside at the same time as each other even if you have 10 minutes to get the washing out before you have to go do some other errand/activity/event and they don't look like they're going anywhere soon.

I don't have a garden, I live in a two up, two down Victorian terrace and I just have an enclosed yard, most of which has been taken up by an extension to add a bathroom downstairs . The wall is about 5ft high but the neighbours don't have an extension and they have added a raised deck and play area for their kids. We aren;t on BFF terms with them, just a "hi" and passing the time of day in the street but I go out to hang out the washing when they're already out I just say a breezy "Morning! Lovely day isn't it?", we exchange pleasantries about the good weather and the joy of sun dried washing and then they go back to their morning and i go back to mine.

I am respectful of my neighbours and if they were having a party and it spilled out int the back yard/back street then I wouldn't go out there mostly because it's hardly a peaceful relaxing environment to sit and read my book or whatever I want to do, but if I needed to go out - put the rubbish or recycling in the bins, to water the potted plants/hanging baskets etc then I wouldn't hesitate but to use my own yard.

TabascoToastie

Oh sorry havent watched it, my misteak

Just re-read the bit in the op about not pegging washing out if a neighbour is also out in the garden. That's it just weird.

You'd hate living beside me. I peg out my washing including my bright pink knickers and bra even when my neighbours are out. On a line not a whirly so they can be seen and flap in the wind.
I've got nice normal neighbours though. Next door over my low wall in particular are lovely. They politely listen to dd2 when she sees them and gives them all her news over the wall. We all often have a chat when we see each other in our gardens too. All normal neighbourly things.

Think yourself lucky all you have neighbour wise is someone doing their garden. One of our previous neighbours used to shout and swear at her boyfriend and police were involved and we also had a drug dealer in the street.
Now those are the types of neighbours to be moaning about.