Husband went on an overseas work trip without telling me ...

[user123345]

Hi all,

My husband travels a lot for work often travelling for a week at a time but recently has had several early Monday morning meeting which has meant he has left on a Sunday late afternoon. I was at a hens night last night and we stayed the night and it was too far for a cab back. I left the house Saturday, husband waved me off - have fun see you tomorrow ! The B&B we stayed at had no cell reception so I could text him to say we are on our back until about 10:30 when we stopped to get a coffee. By that point phone was really low on charge, I saw 3 messages from him asking if I had a fun night could he call ect ... i quickly messaged back to say all good and had no battery. Got back to the house and he is nowhere to been seen and I had no house keys (as I expected him to be home) by this point I had no battery to call him or check my messages. Friend called him straight to voicemail - very weird. Borrowed a phone charger from my neighbour and low a behold I had a text from him. Ok, well bad news I'm afraid. Don't rush home - I'm at the airport. Realised on Thursday that I was flying today but didn't want to add more upset to your day 😫 - would you complete loose your shit over this ? I had to get a locksmith to get me into the house. He has hardly spoken to me since, thinks I'm overreacting and it's no big deal. That I'm just pissed off that I didn't have my keys. He was being very evasive, would not take a call nor did he answer the hotel phone at 10:40 last night. As he apparently was in the hotel bar ? This isn't stacking up for me ...... am AIBU or him ?

DH travels a lot. Whenever a trip is booked at work his assistant sends both him and I a copy of his itinerary. DH doesn't have to tell me where or when he is going. I know from the emails.

If no cell reception it's amazing how I've been able to contact DH. Rental cars have trackers and when his sister took ill (she was given 40% chance of making it in 48 hours and understandably his parents wanted him to fly back to Denmark ASAP) the car rental company were able to give me his location and they stayed with me until it was obvious his car was parked. With google maps and knowing DH I was able to call the restaurant he had gone into and they put him on the phone. He had absolutely zero signal but the rental car gps tracker worked because it runs off satellite.

What you have with your DH now is complete chaos. You are leaving without keys and not making sure your phone was charged. He doesn't have a handle on his business trips and isn't providing you with his itinerary upfront.

You guys need to start working as a team. Fine he needs to leave Sunday for work, but it isn't ok that you don't know his flight or hotel information. I would wash his kit and when the time is right have a sit down to talk about your communication.

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Wanttobesupermum 👏🏻

I'll be honest I really am surprised by how many people think it's ok to be told in the morning that I won't be here when you get home. Like he was popping to the shops or out with a mate ... I know if it was the other way round he would be annoyed. He gets annoyed if I take a work call on the weekend or check my emails. But he thinks it's ok to sacrifice a whole day of the weekend for work - he normally works Monday to Friday (so not a shift scenario) must be just me who thinks weekend time together is important.

Agree with others dh tried to contact you. He should have left keys at a neighbours but you should have remembered charger and house keys.

He gets annoyed if I take a work call on the weekend or check my emails. But he thinks it's ok to sacrifice a whole day of the weekend for work

Yes- I agree I would be annoyed by that (and more companies seem to expect employees to suck up losing nearly all of either Saturday or Sunday on a regular basis due to flight scheduling), but that wasn't your OP

Can't see ... I don't understand ? He was at the airport by 10:30 Sunday morning ....

Come on seriously, why advocate such pettiness? Please wash the kit or let him know you won't be washing it, so he can arrange for someone else to do it.

You stated you were upset, he didn't want to cause you upset when you were due to go out. I wouldn't think an adult would leave their keys & charger. When it comes to must have items to pack.

It sounds like he's at the mercy of work colleague who books for his own convenience, not really thinking how it impacts you. So I wouldn't necessarily be angry with DH. If it's not something that happens frequently, as in he doesn't skip the country without telling you. I'd let him off this once.

Please wash the kit or let him know you won't be washing it, so he can arrange for someone else to do it.

Why?!

Does he not have the ability to wash it himself? Did he actually say to the OP "Would you mind....?" No he didnt. So fuck him.

He gets annoyed if I take a work call on the weekend or check my emails. But he thinks it's ok to sacrifice a whole day of the weekend for work

There's a surprise. Pissed off when your work affects him, but expects you to suck it up when his work affects you. Compromise only goes one way with this guy doesnt it?

I know you've said oh haven't you gone out without keys & charger. If I'm away for the night, my priority is to pack everything I need, so phone charger, keys, deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush, hairbrush, medication, knickers, and purse etc.

Can't see ... I don't understand ? He was at the airport by 10:30 Sunday morning ....

What I'm saying is that I understand why you'd be annoyed by him constantly giving up Sundays for work travel, especially when it appears he isn't pushing back on that. So I feel like that's the real issue here, not him not telling you on this one occasion. This seems like the straw that broke the camel's back.

Ring his hotel and ask to be out grouch to his room. If you expect another woman that is.

Put through

Quick I did that at 10:40 at night and he didn't answer, hotel said restaurant wasn't open - he told me he was in the bar with the guy who's travelling with him (who booked the early flight apparently) ....

Can't yes it is the straw the broke the camels back. He never pushes back at work (despite being in a very senior role) he is a yes man in many aspects of his life - but not with me. He pushes back with me all the time. My parents were literally leaving on Thursday - as in the emirates car was at our door to pick them up and he was on a conf call to his boss in the uk as my parents and I are sobbing into our G&T's. He nearly missed them leaving ....

User, I lived this life as the wife of a businessman who travelled a lot. An awful lot. Often on the spur of the moment. So I well understand the lifestyle. Also the fact you live overseas.

I'm sorry but there's something not adding up here and I think now might be a good time to sit down and do an overhaul of your marriage.

Thank you mrs ... by the way love your username. Perhaps you might be from the same part of the world as me !

I had a friend who's husband travelled for work a lot. It turns out all along he was away with his mistress who was 20 years younger then him.
I'm not saying that's definitely the case, but I would do some detective work. It would be a shame if he was taking the mickey out of your marriage. Hope I'm wrong and yes he is completely out of order for going away without prior notice and more consideration.

From what i can see, you were upset your parents were leaving on thursday. He didnt want to drop on you that he was leaving on sunday.

I always find if i put stuff off it always gets harder to say. He did try and tell you on sunday but couldnt.

I would be annoyed he hadnt told me on thursday and would make clear that i would rather know. That would be that.

Oh and i aleays maje sure i get my hair and nails are done before travelling. Going out for dinner etc, makes me feel more groomed. I am not having an affair.

I guess that's that worrying me under all of this ... why travel on a Sunday, why not answer your phone or refuse point blank not to talk to me.. even if you were with a work colleague you would say - I need 5 mins, my wife needs me. I know the guy he is with, I consider him a friend so I would imagine he could be candid with his as to why he needed to talk to me ?!?

Yes Leda, he should have told me. He does this often - I didn't tell you I didn't want you upset etc. I have told him time and time again - just tell me !! But again he decided he knows best and lied. I agree getting a haircut etc would be normal. I always have my nails done for work, make sure outfits and right - hair looks good - but more intimate grooming when your away for a week doesn't make sense ?!?

I think his behaviour is pretty poor, not saying a proper goodbye to your parents, not sticking around that weekend to spend time with you.
But the worst thing is his lack of apology, so he doesn't really think he's done anything wrong.
I would be a bit suspicious about how much he's enjoying the freedom when he's away from you.
Do you have children?
Are you fully in this marriage for the long haul?

You just need to be honest with him Send him a message saying that you're concerned he's having an affair and could he please make the effort to contact you.

I did just that .... and this was his response
Good grief, really? I wake up to that. What is it exactly that you're suggesting? And if you had called "" the guy I am working away with" room you would have had the same answer as we were in the hotel bar - no where else open in Rotorua post 9.30pm for food and a beer.

Do you think he is having an affair?

I trim my pubic hair. Hate it when it's get long. If it needed a trim and i happened to br going away...i would do it. Dh wouldnt find it odd because he trusts me.

If you think he is having an affair this puts a different slant on it.