Husband went on an overseas work trip without telling me ...

[user123345]

Hi all,

My husband travels a lot for work often travelling for a week at a time but recently has had several early Monday morning meeting which has meant he has left on a Sunday late afternoon. I was at a hens night last night and we stayed the night and it was too far for a cab back. I left the house Saturday, husband waved me off - have fun see you tomorrow ! The B&B we stayed at had no cell reception so I could text him to say we are on our back until about 10:30 when we stopped to get a coffee. By that point phone was really low on charge, I saw 3 messages from him asking if I had a fun night could he call ect ... i quickly messaged back to say all good and had no battery. Got back to the house and he is nowhere to been seen and I had no house keys (as I expected him to be home) by this point I had no battery to call him or check my messages. Friend called him straight to voicemail - very weird. Borrowed a phone charger from my neighbour and low a behold I had a text from him. Ok, well bad news I'm afraid. Don't rush home - I'm at the airport. Realised on Thursday that I was flying today but didn't want to add more upset to your day 😫 - would you complete loose your shit over this ? I had to get a locksmith to get me into the house. He has hardly spoken to me since, thinks I'm overreacting and it's no big deal. That I'm just pissed off that I didn't have my keys. He was being very evasive, would not take a call nor did he answer the hotel phone at 10:40 last night. As he apparently was in the hotel bar ? This isn't stacking up for me ...... am AIBU or him ?

Those amazing pictures are the worst. I was working all hours and DH sent me a picture of him watching Super Bowl from a suite. I lost it. I was pregnant and had managed to get through a very long day with the DC.

Been there, an expat life can be a strange one and can really place a strain on marriages

I think you have a gut feeling that something isn't right and I would go with it

The lovely photos are really annoying! I know it sounds petty but actually, I don't want to know that you are in a rowing boat on a beautiful Finnish lake on your paid day off while I am getting up, breakfast and childcare etc, school run, work, school run, cooking, washing, cleaning, falling exhausted into bed!

I think it doesn't overly help that he's with a guy with blatant disregard for his family. I really hope you get it sorted

Oh, yeah, fuck off with the pictures of the beach / steak / ball game / top of the Empire State Building while I'm trying to chivvy two reluctant DC out of the house at stupid o'clock, thank you very much!

You see it just goes to show that we're all different, I like pictures from Kuala Lumpur, or Saudi, or Brussels or Amsterdam, it's interesting.

In previous jobs I was the one travelling all the time to interesting places. It's horrible to be stuck in a hotel (even a five star hotel) with your colleagues when really you'd love to be at home with your family. It's not glamorous, it's not a holiday. It's stressful and mostly boring.

So I don't resent my DH for travelling because I remember exactly what it's like.

I don't resent DH for his traveling. What I don't like in the inequality of it. I'm working FT plus doing 100% of the housework and chores that goes with having 3DC. DH is just working.

I have started outsourcing everything I can when DH is away all week. He is often away all weekend too. On Friday he leaves for Europe until Thursday. He has to set up for his workshop on Monday morning and the only time to do it is Saturday afternoon because the building is closed on sundays. It sucks for me. I start my new job on Monday. It's not ideal for me at all.

Yy, Want2b - I know that business travel is not like being on holiday. But it's got a lot to recommend itself compared to being the one doing all the domestic stuff while your OH is essentially living a single life

Good luck with your new job

Don't be with someone who works away if you don't like it. You're ok living off their money but don't like that they work?

Dontpullthat - who says she is living off his money, what a sexist comment!

Op has already said she is not a trailing spouse, she has her own professional career. So maybe she is living off her own money, not his!

I wasn't on about the op.. but way to call me sexist. It doesn't mater the sex of the working person, if you are not then I don't believe you should complain about their work if you are living off the money they bring in, in the same breath the person couldn't work without the other looking after the kids and he house. Not see how that can be sexist.

Sure not see.

Who are you aiming that at, then, DontPull...?

dont you talking about me?

olenna thank you for the luck. I need it. It's been 6 years of hard slog to get to this position and I've got another few years of the same slog to get to the position I want to be in.

Not sure why so many people were flummoxed by you leaving your keys and phone charger?!?
Good luck and hope things work out for you OP

Blimey Because most adults would take keys and charger out with them in case they had to, ya know, charge their phone and/or open their front
door....

Ffs. He tried too call you. You need to adult a bit better and take house keys when you go out ( or play to your inner child and leave a set with a neighbour 😄)

Who are you talking to, DontPull. If it's me, I have a job of my own and plenty of my own money (which I kindly share with my husband).

Plus, strangely enough, both of our working conditions have changed over the last twenty years. DH didn't work a long way from home when I met him. I think it would be a bit of a petty reason to leave him!

Best of luck with the new job, Want2b.

And commiserations to all the other people out there suffering from lovely photographs.

Ok I'll hold my hands up I wrongly assumed you didn't work Green but given that you do, good on you I honestly couldn't work and look after the house and kids while my partner worked away. (I hope that came across sincere as I really mean I couldn't do what you do).

I suffer the photos too but I do know that hotel life can be v tedious and boring as well. I just send him piccies of the dog doing daft things and the garden needing a mow and the washing up ha ha ha or the child eating his chocolate stash

I work four days a week, I do all the school runs, I look after the household stuff about 75 to 85% of the time, I do all the childcare, I suffer through the sodding homework, I book dental appointments, take time off work for child illnesses and all the other stuff that goes with running a family. To be fair to DH he does properly pull his weight when he is here in terms of laundry, cleaning, general house maintenance etc. Admittedly my job is not full time, but when I am not working I am almost always doing something house or child-related until bedtime and often beyond. My hourly rate of pay is slightly higher than DH's, but I do admit that I do fewer hours of paid work (however the fewer hours thing is largely as a consequence of having to be around for childcare and school runs etc).

However, apology accepted, DontPull. And I am sure you could do it if you had to. It's exactly like pretty much all the bits of having children and being part of a family in that pretty much everyone just gets on with it and does what needs to be done. I'm sorry if I sounded moany. I am moany sometimes because it honestly sometimes feels as though I never ever get any time to myself. And then the fucker sends me pictures of Thessaloniki in beautiful sunshine or something...

Honestly I think I get slightly jealous that other posters on here have partners who work. Both me and my partner don't as we are both caters to our youngest, however her care needs have gone down and he got a job but couldn't handle it (has arthritis and muscle missing from his wrist as well as over things and was working near a hot oven taking trays out and in for 12 hours (with breaks) and I'm sick of us always being together and it puts a real strain on the relationship. I struggle to find work as I have no c.v and haven't worked before and no qualifications as I was taken out of school just before GCSE's. I can come across quite rude and without thought. I really don't think I could do all that you do, thank you for accepting my apology.

I'm sure you could do anything if you had to/needed to - look what you already do. I am not sure I could handle being a full time carer to be honest! I really struggle with the constant emotional managing that goes with my daughter's anxiety issues.

That job with the trays and hot ovens sounds much tougher in many ways than any of the work I do or have done, which largely involves sitting in front of a computer and being insanely picky. I am genuinely sorry for being a bit moany. In many respects I am lucky. And it must be tough being with your partner 24/7. Although I moan about the photos etc, actually there are bonuses to being the only adult in the house on occasion. So thank you for making me count my blessings!

PS I did think you were a bit rude initially but I don't think you are rude or thoughtless now, just probably a bit over-stressed with everything you are coping with. So don't give it another thought.

Thank you. I will be less assumptious in future