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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let 15 year old daughter go to an unsupervised sleepover?

160 replies

krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:26

We have just moved to a new area and DD is trying to make friends. Our house is a mess at the moment due to building work so it is hard to have people over at the moment. She was very excited to be going to a sleepover on Saturday night with three other friends, but she has just told me that there are going to be NO adults supervising them ALL NIGHT! Apparently the girl's mum has decided to go out all night and she is a single parent so no other adult will be there. She is very upset as she knows I won't let her go and I am glad she has told me. But should I let her go? We have not been here long and I don't know these girls at all, have never met them and there families. What they COULD get up to is a list as long as my arm but whether or not they WOULD is something I don't know. I can't have them around here as we don't even have a kitchen at the moment! I know I can be very strict but this worries me.

OP posts:
Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 07/04/2017 18:29

I wouldn't. .
No sure I would leave a 15 yo home alone in their own house all night tbh never mind a strangers house. .
And I am quite laid back with my teens!!

Crunchymum · 07/04/2017 18:30

No way on Earth.

Original poster
krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:33

Wish, I'm the same, I don't leave them alone here all night either. I have asked her repeatedly if she is sure the mum is not coming back after a night out or if there will be anyone else there but she insists she has got it right and they will be alone all night. She can't show me messages as they have been talking on snap chat. I now have one tearful teen who feels left out because of my rules. sigh I am just grateful she has been honest with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:36

I am now worried they have done this deliberately to leave her out. I just spoke to the mum this afternoon, to confirm their address and telephone number and to check it was OK with her that my DD stayed overnight. Apparently, she told her daughter I was very intimidating on the phone! I honestly don't know why!

OP posts:
followTheyellowbrickRoad · 07/04/2017 18:36

Could you comprise and let her go for the evening and pick her up at 11.

LindyHemming · 07/04/2017 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:37

That could work! I will ask her.

OP posts:
MissMogwi · 07/04/2017 18:37

No way would I leave mine. It's great that she was honest with you though, a lot wouldn't mine.

It's a shame she's upset but you're doing the right thing. It's hard work being the 'tough' parent isn't it!

🍷

Darbs76 · 07/04/2017 18:40

Yeah I'd offer to collect her 11/12 - that way it's a compromise. Maybe the mum thinks you're being over protective phoning but you're definitely doing the right thing. Especially as you don't know the family well

Original poster
krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:41

MissMogwi I feel horrible. But my spidey senses have been tingling all afternoon as the 'mum' I spoke to on the phone sounded very young! Something is up here....

OP posts:
Gunpowder · 07/04/2017 18:42

I remember my mum not letting me stay at an unsupervised sleepover when I was 15. She came and picked me up at 11 or 12 instead. I was furious at the time but in retrospect she made the right call. There were boys and drinking! I think I would have been in over my head.

Anyway, I forgave her eventually OP!

Original poster
krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:42

Darbs I have never met any of them, even the girls in question - we haven't been here long. They are complete strangers to us so I don't feel happy about letting her stay there unsupervised and I always ring anyway to check she is going to be where she says she is. I remember being that age!

OP posts:
Wando1986 · 07/04/2017 18:43

I was going out clubbing at 15 and planning my mortgage applications for the second I turned 18. Unless she's a very young and naïve 15 I'm not really sure what the issue is.

Original poster
krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:43

Gunpowder Boys and drinking - that is EXACTLY what I am worried about!

OP posts:
MagnumAddict · 07/04/2017 18:43

Do you mean the mum is out overnight or for the evening?

To be honest I was happily babysitting at 15 and started seeing my dh at that age too (been together 18 years) so I struggle to think of that age not being competent/capable but only you know your daughters maturity level.

TwentyCups · 07/04/2017 18:45

I was babysitting til the early hours from 13 years old. I would let her go.

Billybonkers76 · 07/04/2017 18:46

I went to unsupervised sleepovers when I was 15. 15 year old me says YABU, 38 year old me (looking back) says yanbu. I went to a few sleepovers, some were fine and innocent. Nails, film, snacks, others were not, drinking, boys, wandering streets.

Original poster
krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:49

Magnum she does baby sit for us the odd evening but never for more than three hours. The mum is staying out all night. She is generally a good girl but does cave to peer pressure and I know nothing about the other girls.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 07/04/2017 18:49

How is babysitting comparable with a gang of 15 year old's in a free house? Confused. No, I wouldn't allow this for a second.

Leeds2 · 07/04/2017 18:50

Maybe your DD has told you because she doesn't actually want to go, and wants to blame you for her no show?

Original poster
krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:51

Leeds2I did wonder about that - I wouldn't have said a word at her age. And that phone call earlier was hinky. She has been bullied before and teenage girls can be mean.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 07/04/2017 18:51

If it was a group of friends she'd known for years and you had the measure of, maybe. But they aren't. Pick her up at whatever time you think is appropriate.

JaneEyre70 · 07/04/2017 18:53

No way OP. I'd let her stay until midnight or even 1am if I felt generous but not overnight without adult supervision. One of my DDs went to a farm campout once with a load of 16 year olds and the parents had gone away for the weekend........one of the kids got so drunk they passed out and had to be taken to A & E in an ambulance. DD thankfully rang me (at 2.30am) to go and get them as it had ruined the night. I ended up with 4 of them on my lounge floor!!

Original poster
krustykittens · 07/04/2017 18:55

JaneEyre Oh, God! That is the stuff of nightmares! Thank goodness your daughter called you!

OP posts:
BabychamSocialist · 07/04/2017 19:11

Well, she's 15. I would let it slide, but I'm quite relaxed in my parenting. You have to let go at some point. Friendly reminder that she can elope to Scotland and get married in 12 months or less...