to not let 15 year old daughter go to an unsupervised sleepover?

[krustykittens]

We have just moved to a new area and DD is trying to make friends. Our house is a mess at the moment due to building work so it is hard to have people over at the moment. She was very excited to be going to a sleepover on Saturday night with three other friends, but she has just told me that there are going to be NO adults supervising them ALL NIGHT! Apparently the girl's mum has decided to go out all night and she is a single parent so no other adult will be there. She is very upset as she knows I won't let her go and I am glad she has told me. But should I let her go? We have not been here long and I don't know these girls at all, have never met them and there families. What they COULD get up to is a list as long as my arm but whether or not they WOULD is something I don't know. I can't have them around here as we don't even have a kitchen at the moment! I know I can be very strict but this worries me.

Brilliant turn out for all!

So pleased OP :)

Its such a hard age, and you're right they get more responsibility as they get older.

So With mine, Reading for a weekend with friends and boyfriend is at 16 and 17 is fine.

A fortnight in a hotel in Spain on their own is not.

Well, sounds like your house is going to be a lot of fun this weekend! The fact the other girls are freaking out about a bunch of older boys being there tells me they're not ready for that just yet, so all good. I'm glad it's worked out well for your daughter in the end!

I would not be keen and I am easy going. I let my 14yo do things that her friends' parents won't allow. Can you make it up to her in some way? Pay for them all to do something fun together?

Tbh, it has been a wake up call for all of us. DD admitted that she didn't have any idea her friend had a much older brother and had she walked into that situation last night, a house full of grown men drinking and partying, or had it developed later on, she would have been terrified. She really does need to get to know people better. On the other hand, so do we. DH was a bit grumbly about having all these girls round while the house was such a mess but we need to get to know their friends and the house might not be tidy and clean for weeks! We have to make a lot more effort, it is so much harder to get to know everyone when the kids are at senior school. Much easier at primary when you see everyone at the school gates. I have shopped for loads of junk food, the upstairs of the house is clean tidy and I have told them they are welcome to have the plaster dust-coated living room for the night or I can move a TV and DVD into DD's bedroom for them. I just have to find what box it is in first! Danny so you have come to a decision - have there been fireworks yet?

There were fireworks last night when she was told.

Yes we trust you to use the car.

Yes we trust you to come home on the last tube ( but someone will meet you at the tube station to walk home).

Yes we trust you to go to Reading ( and no telling your father that you "shared a bed then" really isn't going to get you your own way this time).

No I don't want you to go on holiday as a couple until you have finished school, neither do I want him staying over here in your bed within that time.

AIBU?

Glad it is working out ok in the end Krusty (although why is it that the best and most prudent solutions inevitably turn out to be the ones that involve us parents doing more work??).

The book is good and I do recommend it. It is very helpful when it comes to explaining why teenagers behave the way they do; and suggesting ways to respond. It is not always so great at coming up with suggestions that are agreeable to both sides but that's life I suppose!

I am in no way saying that anything untoward would happen at this unsupervised sleepover - but as an example of a teen get-together i recently experienced, i will just mention this: a few weeks ago my friend's 14yo ds desperately wanted an unsupervised party with a few of his good friends, all of whom my friend knew well. I said no way should you allow it to happen unsupervised! My friend trusts his ds and friends, but ultimately decided to stay home to supervise. Thank god he did. Word of a party had got out (maybe on facebook?), hundreds of teenagers (male and female) descended on his tiny flat - drinking, smoking etc. Fights broke out. Kids got drunk. He called time on the party and told everyone to leave. Teens got angry, threatened my friend, almost more fights, police were called, and the angry teens smashed up my friend's car on their way out. (Then bizarrely he almost had a house fire - turned on the oven and after a few minutes thick smoke started pouring out - some kid had put their coat and bag in the oven and left them!) We dread to think what could have happened if my friend hadnt stayed home.

I know most parties/get-togethers dont end up like this!! But it has certainly made me more wary now! Good luck navigating this op, its not easy. But if i were you id say no, or pick up at 11/12; not knowing the teens and their families makes a big difference to me. Your dd may be upset, but thats part of teenagerhood, and your job is to look out for her best interests.

Glad it worked out krusty. Complete win win for you - DD and her friends see you as 'cool Mum' for letting her friends stay over, and you get to know what her friends are like 😀

Danny yanbu!

Sounds like a good result all round. I'm so glad your daughter has some nice friends.

My friends mum did this to us I felt really scared and wanted to go home; she decided to go out suddenly at midnight and being only 13, I even thought that was irresponsible
My parents went mad when I told them and I didn't go again