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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've moved in with my partner and he won't put me on his tenancy agreement.

215 replies

Bosschopsbitch · 01/03/2017 12:41

We would have over in together eventually but circumstances kind of pushed it to happen now. And because of that there have been things that we hadnt really ironed out. I'm on universal credit (aforementioned circumstances) and he works full time but in order for me to still claim and get CTC for my son it's had to be changed to a joint claim (I dont understand tbh) but the advisor said if I wanted to claim the housing element thend I would have to be added to the tenancy. With a resolute 'no she isn't going on the tenancy' that was the end of that. He won't disuss it. He won't reconsider. Absolutely steadfast and will not budge. AIBU to be pissed off/angry/shocked/uoset/all of the above?

OP posts:
SerialCerealKiller · 01/03/2017 12:43

How easy would it be for you to move out now?
On the one hand it's good that he won't, it gives you freedom to leave whenever you like. This might be a good thing by the sounds of his attitude.

Has he given a reason why not?

SexTrainGlue · 01/03/2017 12:44

Presumably, if you are not on the tenancy, you will not be paying him rent?

greenworm · 01/03/2017 12:44

The worst thing is that he won't even discuss it. Totally unreasonable.

Did he want you and your son to move in? Did you discuss this type of thing, and how you'd manage household finances when you were planning the move? Why do you honked he doesn't want you on the tenancy?

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 12:44

Is it a council house?

I would honestly be packing my bags right now. You have a child to think of and this man obviously thinks of you as "ok for now" but not as a long term thing. :(

greenworm · 01/03/2017 12:44

*think, not honked

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 01/03/2017 12:45

Depends on a lot of factors. What kind of tenancy? How long has he had it? Will you be fully contributing? What circumstances pushed this move? How long have you been together? And more.

He's not automatically wrong. You and you son have moved into his place, he is not obliged to just put you on the tenancy no matter what.

BeachyKeen · 01/03/2017 12:46

Where you looking to move in together in the next few months and it got brought forwards a bit, or was it more of a 'one day' thing that became right away?
He may not feel ready by the sounds of it.
If it will impact your ability to provide for yourself and your child, you may have to move back out to be able to claim.

NameChange30 · 01/03/2017 12:49

Move out again.
As soon as you live with your partner, they are expected to support you financially, as far as the benefit system goes.
The relationship is clearly not strong enough, and you're putting yourself and your son in a very precarious position.
Without you being on the tenancy agreement, he could kick you out at any time with no notice.

rollonthesummer · 01/03/2017 12:50

Depends on a lot of factors. What kind of tenancy? How long has he had it? Will you be fully contributing? What circumstances pushed this move? How long have you been together? And more.

This!

It doesn't sound like a simple scenario. Did he actually want you to move in?

I'd move out, if I were you.

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 12:51

Is it council? He would need to delcare you to council tax as he will be paying single rate, would that be part of the problem?

They are right you do need a registered address to claim and if you're not on the occupancy you're not really living anywhere. You can't be on the tenancy agreement, that's signed and done. It's the occupancy you want. Actually maybe it's the way you've worded it that's the problem. I wouldn't just add a partner to my tenanct (making it joint) but occupancy is different, it just registers you live there as your permanent home. If he refuses I'd leave if possible tbh.

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 12:52

Unless private, I'm not sure how private works in comparison.

Euripidesralph · 01/03/2017 12:54

The only slight caveat I would give is some landlords can be very funny about benefits and people on them beige on the tenancy....is it possible he's not able to? However he should be communicating that and finding a way to sort the situation out

AstrantiaMajor · 01/03/2017 12:54

Maybe he does not want to apply, because he has Savings over the limit and knows you won't get it. Possibly he does not want to be seen to be a claiming a benefit. I don't think he has to give you a reason as he is entitled to his privacy.

Original poster
Bosschopsbitch · 01/03/2017 12:57

Together 3.5 years.....We both had the same idea's on splitting the bill and sharing any finances that come into the family but I'd never really thought about the tenancy agreement....I hadn't had to until I was practical homeless and it was now or never really.....I'd resisted giving up my independency since we got together. It's just really shocked me. It had made me feel like it's not a permanent thing...he said it's because it's his house (housing assoc) and if we split up he'd have no right to stay there because I'd trump his needs because I have a son. I feel really..well I don't actually know what I feel! I did tell him I wouldn't be paying towards rent and he said "that's fine while you're not working" and I told him if I'm not on the tenancy agreement I'm not cotributung, I'll pay half of utilities etc (even tho I'm only on council tax) but he can fuck off right off for rent.

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 01/03/2017 12:58

Move out again as soon as you can.

This attitude would make me reconsider the relationship.

There could be valid reasons why he doesn't want it, but if he had valid reasons, he'd not need to refuse to discuss them, would he?

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 01/03/2017 12:59

It had made me feel like it's not a permanent thing...he said it's because it's his house (housing assoc) and if we split up he'd have no right to stay there because I'd trump his needs because I have a son

He's right. You could dump him and keep his home, even though you aren't intending to pay any rent at all. If it was the other way around, would you do the same thing? I wouldn't.
If you had posted that your boyfriend wanted to move in to your HA property and was demanding to go on the tenancy without paying towards it, every poster would tell you he was crazy and you should dump him.

Original poster
Bosschopsbitch · 01/03/2017 12:59

I can still claim. He had no issue being on the claim. I know everything about his finances. He just says no to the tenancy agreement. Everything is above board and correct, the council tax bill now says my name, universal credit have accepted it. It's just his sheer refusal.

OP posts:
Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 13:00

Ah HA, makes no difference with reference to what I said about council above. You need to be on the occupancy otherwise he will be in trouble for having an unauthorised occupant when they do a tenancy check (I realise some if these are few and far between) and he will have to declare you for council tax purposes or he'll gwt done for paying single rate when he's not entitled. He doesn't have to make you a joint tenant and most places aren't keen on that after the fact anyway as it is HASSLE. He clearly hasn't thought it through.

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 13:02

Xposted. So he's declared you for council tax, are you wanting to be a joint tenant then?

VestalVirgin · 01/03/2017 13:02

he said it's because it's his house (housing assoc) and if we split up he'd have no right to stay there because I'd trump his needs because I have a son.

Well, if that is actually the case, he does have a point.

Though the fact that after 3.5 years he doesn't trust you and/or the relationship enough to risk that ... well, I would see that as a sign to keep my own finances and stuff separate, too, for the time being.

NameChange30 · 01/03/2017 13:03

If you were being made homeless through no fault of your own, you could have made a homeless application to your local council, they would have had a duty to house you and you would have been high priority to get your own council or housing association property.

Shame.

SaucyJack · 01/03/2017 13:04

I don't think he's wrong, sorry.

If he put added you as a joint tenant, then you could kick him out next week and keep the house/flat.

If he won't add you in five years and/or when you have your own children together then you may have a problem.

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 13:06

If you are on the occupancy or a joint tenant and split up, he will need to move out first, yes, as housing will not rehouse 2 people (mother and child) leaving one in a property too big for them (but how big is property). Maybe there are exceptions to this but generally that's how it works. If you were a joint tenant that would apply but it may be possible if you are just on occupany that you could be moved by yourself with your dc and him still be left there.

Original poster
Bosschopsbitch · 01/03/2017 13:06

The only reason I told him isn't paying rent ws in response to his refusal to add me to the tenancy. He's happy for me not to contribute whilst I'm claiming but when I get a job he wants me to pay half, as I should and probably would cos I'm not actually that hard faced Grin His job isn't guaranteed anymore, and I asked what he would do if he became unemployed and needed to claim Universal Credit whilst job hunting....it would be a joint claim and it wouldnt be a joint tenancy so he wouldn't be able to claim the housing element.....well I'd have to rethink it then was his rely.

Stubborn arrogant and selfish were the words I used I think!!

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 01/03/2017 13:07

It is nonsense that you cannot have a joint claim without you being on the tenancy.

I had a joint tenancy with my ex. He left me in loads of debt, including rent arrears. It took me a long time to pay the rent arrear to be able to get him off the tenancy. By then, DP had moved in and we had two children.

The housing officer said she could not take ExH off the tenancy and put DP on it at the same time.

For loads of that time, when ExH was even on the tenancy and after, DP and I had a joint claim going on. So, not only was he NOT on the tenancy, but someone else actually was, and we still claimed!

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